HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

Daisydot123

Me and my husband have been together 8 years and living with each other for 7. We are planning on buying our new home next year
Sadly a few months back his dad died and he has come into some money. So we are gonna have about 60k to 100k deposit. He mention last night something about saying that if anything goes wrong he wants it in writing he was the one but all the money down so therefore he gets it all back.
It really upset me, to the point where I couldn't even have the conversation with him.
I also own my mothers house after her day and not have I ever said anything about making sure he wouldn't get it if something went wrong. I find it appalling and to be honest it's putting a massif dampener on looking for a house cos now I feel like it's his money.

To be honest if I had that money it wouldn't of even crossed my mind to do anything like that. It really upsets me. And I don't know what to say to him about it. Apart from I don't agree with it.... ????

Caroline_a

I wouldn't bother arguing. If push comes to shove and you split up, say, 5 years down the road the house would be a joint asset of the marriage, so whoever put the money in, it would be split 50-50.

So just smile sweetly...

kazwookie

Caroline_a wrote: »

I wouldn't bother arguing. If push comes to shove and you split up, say, 5 years down the road the house would be a joint asset of the marriage, so whoever put the money in, it would be split 50-50.

So just smile sweetly...

I agree with this, or if you feel that strongly about it dump him now, and make your own way in life.

Cyberman60

If he invests his money in the house it becomes part of 'matrimonial assets' and half becomes yours.

If he banks it, it appears that it is his.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/8832648/Spouses-have-no-right-to-lottery-winnings.html#disqus_thread

pollypenny

I would feel the same. That's very hurtful, OP.

Daisydot123

The way I see it is mine is his and vice versa. I just don't know what way to know reply to this. It makes me not even wanna get a house. I said to him id rather take the deposit out as a loan than to to a solicitor and suggest this. ��

lulu_92

I agree that it's hurtful but I've had to have a similar conversation with OH.

He bought a house 8 years ago and has £10k-£20k equity in it. The plan is to use that as the deposit for the next house and for me to save for the furniture, fees and anything else we need (we're ttc so when we move we will be living off what we will get when SMP kicks in so we have a nice nest egg). We've decided that if anything happens to the relationship we get what we put in back then split the rest (so if we split with £60k in the house he would get his deposit, I would get my savings and then split the remainder)

It's not a nice conversation to have but these things have to be discussed if you're doing something like this. It doesn't mean he is going to leave you and run off with his money. I think I would put the same agreement in place but I would have been a bit more compassionate about the matter.

Plus, if you two ever get married it won't mean anything anyway so if it ended for whatever reason, God forbid it did, you would get half.

SandC

I would feel exactly like you. If it were me this would be a chance for the both of us to move forward and improve our quality of life and further cement our relationship.... Out of sad circumstances perhaps exactly what his father would have wanted too! (Not suggesting you bring this up btw!).

Not sure how I would tackle it with him though.

Daisydot123

Lulu we are married already. Lol we got married on July after 8 years together. I said to him he is making me feel like a stranger. And he said to me but what if in 3 years I run off with another man or decide to leave and then I'm entitled to half of the money he put in. It's a very raw subject. Luckily he has gone to work now as I didn't wanna continue the conversation. He's saying if we stay together it doesn't make a difference but it's just the conversation of it, I just find it quite shocking.

lulu_92

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Lulu we are married already. Lol we got married on July after 8 years together. I said to him he is making me feel like a stranger. And he said to me but what if in 3 years I run off with another man or decide to leave and then I'm entitled to half of the money he put in. It's a very raw subject. Luckily he has gone to work now as I didn't wanna continue the conversation. He's saying if we stay together it doesn't make a difference but it's just the conversation of it, I just find it quite shocking.

If you did run off with another man and you were married to me I'd be making sure you got none of it - my stepdad's ex wife left him for another man and got 60% of his money!

Like I said, if it was out of the blue then it would be shocking and it is never a nice conversation to have. I know you said you own your mum's house, so try and see it from his perspective and you were saying the same but about your assets. How would you expect him to react?
*not taking sides btw

Mojisola

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Sadly a few months back his dad died and he has come into some money. So we are gonna have about 60k to 100k deposit. He mention last night something about saying that if anything goes wrong he wants it in writing he was the one but all the money down so therefore he gets it all back.

It really upset me, to the point where I couldn't even have the conversation with him.

I also own my mothers house after her day and not have I ever said anything about making sure he wouldn't get it if something went wrong. I find it appalling and to be honest it's putting a massif dampener on looking for a house cos now I feel like it's his money.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt - people don't always behave rationally when they are grieving. Does this attitude to the money seem out of character?

I would put buying a house on hold for the time being while things settle down because you're not going to feel right about it.