HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

alleycat`

Mojisola wrote: »

Out of interest, how would you feel if you had inherited the money - would you keep it all for yourself?

No i wouldn't keep it to myself.

I'd consider it an asset of the marriage that should be put to best use via discussion. On the other hand I've never assumed that gifted money like this should be automatically considered "ours".

CH27

Daisydot123 wrote: »

The house value is gonna be in the region of £240-280k
Money has never been an issue for us. We saved for our wedding £20k and some months I would save more. But it was never an issue.
I don't see like unfortunately he got his dad's inheritances way before he should off. Me on the other hand I'm hoping I won't but you never know and if I do then he will be entitled to my half mums house and savings if things do !!!! up (as he suggested)
I hate money for this reason. It causes problems. I certainly don't wanna go out and spend it all but after such a stressful and heartbreaking few months I was so looking forward to looking at houses and now I just don't wanna look. I feel like well I bought that sofa so that is mine and you bought that bed so that is yours. It just has but the biggest cloud over me I feel like saying go stick your money in an account and we will save as much as we can and not use any of his money. ARAGHHHHH!

I'd do that.

Ewer123

Mojisola wrote: »

Giving him the benefit of the doubt - people don't always behave rationally when they are grieving. Does this attitude to the money seem out of character?

I agree here, he may be over sensitive as it his dad's money.Grief does strange things to people

Georgiegirl256

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Sadly a few months back his dad died and he has come into some money. So we are gonna have about 60k to 100k deposit. He mention last night something about saying that if anything goes wrong he wants it in writing he was the one but all the money down so therefore he gets it all back.
?

Well, I'm gonna take a different view from most on this thread, and say that I agree with your husband.

60k - 100k is a hell of a lot of money, and if things go belly up, then why should he lose out?

When we bought our house, my husband (not my husband then though) put up the deposit from a bonus he'd got at work, and I remember there being something he could tick to safeguard the deposit should we split up? Someone with legal knowledge will know what I'm talking about. He didn't tick it, but deposits back then (late 90's) were ALOT less than deposits nowadays, only a couple of thousand.

Possibly if it had been a lot more he might gave wanted to protect it, who knows? But I can certainly see where your husband us coming from. A house is a big purchase, and if you're putting so much money in, why wouldn't you want to protect it? Also, turn it around and ask if you did split up, why would you want to get your hands on it?

Anything brought to the table after the house purchase (such as earnings) is a different matter, and it's not a case of my money is mine and your money is yours, but rather a shared pot.

Daisydot123

Yep I total understand that BUT he has all his inheritance money now. That will be all he will ever in his lifetime get. And he wants to do that. Keep it all to himself. What about my inheritance that is all still to come... So should he be entitled to that. What happens if we have children and then I'm left with children in an awful situation. This was suppose to be an amazing start to our future. (Not in the best circumstances)mi just don't agree with it at all. Plus I don't see anything ever gonna happen that we will break up. I just think it is a very unnecessary conversation. We both have never been married before. We've been together nearly 10 years and I just feel I'm being treated like I'm a random girl who has just met him a year ago.

JimmyTheWig

comeandgo wrote: »

Alleycat I agree with you. My husband and I have been together 15 years. When he "arrived" he came with a 60k divorce settlement. That's not my money and never has been and I've never seen it as mine. When he dies it's going to his children.

That's different if there are children involved from a previous relationship.

JimmyTheWig

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I feel like saying go stick your money in an account and we will save as much as we can and not use any of his money. ARAGHHHHH!

I know that others have already said this, but I think this is a great idea.
If he wants to keep the money then let him keep the money, but don't let him spend it on something that should be jointly owned.

silvercar

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Yep I total understand that BUT he has all his inheritance money now. That will be all he will ever in his lifetime get. And he wants to do that. Keep it all to himself. What about my inheritance that is all still to come... So should he be entitled to that. What happens if we have children and then I'm left with children in an awful situation. This was suppose to be an amazing start to our future. (Not in the best circumstances)mi just don't agree with it at all. Plus I don't see anything ever gonna happen that we will break up. I just think it is a very unnecessary conversation. We both have never been married before. We've been together nearly 10 years and I just feel I'm being treated like I'm a random girl who has just met him a year ago.

I agree with you. It would also make me concerned with the future. What happens if you have children and jointly decide that you should reduce hours/ promotions/ take time out to be home with the children for a few years? Will he think all the money he is earning is his?

CH27

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Yep I total understand that BUT he has all his inheritance money now. That will be all he will ever in his lifetime get. And he wants to do that. Keep it all to himself. What about my inheritance that is all still to come... So should he be entitled to that. What happens if we have children and then I'm left with children in an awful situation. This was suppose to be an amazing start to our future. (Not in the best circumstances)mi just don't agree with it at all. Plus I don't see anything ever gonna happen that we will break up. I just think it is a very unnecessary conversation. We both have never been married before. We've been together nearly 10 years and I just feel I'm being treated like I'm a random girl who has just met him a year ago.

Has he always been territorial about his money?

Skinto_7

I am amazed that so many of you cannot understand why the OP's hubby would want to protect his inheritance.

The OP's husband is not "keeping it to himself" as some of you are suggesting, he is using it to enable BOTH of you to have a great start in married life, while quiet simply protecting it should you decide to run off with the milkman!!

If he was sticking it in his bank account and buyin himself, cars, clothes and computer games then i would have some sympathy but not for using it to buy a house!!

If you are so sure you will not run off, or would never try and benefit from any possible break up, then why are you so upset?

I dont mean to be harsh, i just think you are being unfair on your husband and taking his proposal totally the wrong way.