HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

alleycat`

To put a different spin on it.

This is money from his dad that was gifted to "him".

It's not something that either of you have generally "earned" or brought into the relationship.

I'm actually on the same side of this as yourself but from the opposite "sex" where my wife received a sum when her dad died.

I actually consider that to be totally her money and, god forbid, should we ever get divorced it is not money i would ever consider that should be included in what is "divided up".

I know legally it might be thought about differently by the courts but that's how i feel about it and I've told my wife as such.

If you want to consider another approach you could agree something along the lines of he only got the full value of the deposit back so long as the house value was above that of the initial purchase price (should everything go wrong).

If it sank back below that price then then £60k would be reduced by the % below that mark.

I don't expect anyone else to agree with me but those are some thoughts i have on the subject based on similar circumstances (but not using the money as a deposit on a house).

[Deleted User]

I would be very hurt too Daisy in your situation. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and early in our relationship he re-mortgaged his mortgage-free house so that I could pay off the mortgage on mine and release my ex-husband.

My mum died just over a year ago and I have come into some money. I used most of it to pay off the mortgage on 'his' house (where we have been living for the past 3 years) and we are using the rest to do up 'my' house which we will then move into and sell his. Neither of us think of the money as mine or his but as 'ours'. Once we have sold his house we will put mine into joint names and do the same with our savings. We have separate accounts for our income but we don't have any rules about who pays what - it all gets paid.

It's true that the house is strictly a joint asset as they are married but I can understand that you are hurt by the fact that he has felt the need to have this conversation

Daisydot123

The house value is gonna be in the region of £240-280k
Money has never been an issue for us. We saved for our wedding £20k and some months I would save more. But it was never an issue.
I don't see like unfortunately he got his dad's inheritances way before he should off. Me on the other hand I'm hoping I won't but you never know and if I do then he will be entitled to my half mums house and savings if things do !!!! up (as he suggested)
I hate money for this reason. It causes problems. I certainly don't wanna go out and spend it all but after such a stressful and heartbreaking few months I was so looking forward to looking at houses and now I just don't wanna look. I feel like well I bought that sofa so that is mine and you bought that bed so that is yours. It just has but the biggest cloud over me I feel like saying go stick your money in an account and we will save as much as we can and not use any of his money. ARAGHHHHH!

Mojisola

alleycat` wrote: »

I'm actually on the same side of this as yourself but from the opposite "sex" where my wife received a sum when her dad died.

I actually consider that to be totally her money and, god forbid, should we ever get divorced it is not money i would ever consider that should be included in what is "divided up".

I don't expect anyone else to agree with me but those are some thoughts i have on the subject based on similar circumstances (but not using the money as a deposit on a house).

I inherited money this year after my Dad's death but it's not my money - it's ours. We're in a long term relationship (30+ years married) and are a team. The money is being used to benefit us both.

alleycat`

Mojisola wrote: »

I inherited money this year after my Dad's death but it's not my money - it's ours. We're in a long term relationship (30+ years married) and are a team. The money is being used to benefit us both.

Well my wife agrees with you, as it goes.

My view is different and we'd been married more than a decade when her father passed away.

It's a gift that was given to her and how she chooses to use it is up to her.

Like i said it's my view and it might be odd but it's how i see it

Mojisola

alleycat` wrote: »

Well my wife agrees with you, as it goes.

My view is different and we'd been married more than a decade when her father passed away.

It's a gift that was given to her and how she chooses to use it is up to her.

Like i said it's my view and it might be odd but it's how i see it

Out of interest, how would you feel if you had inherited the money - would you keep it all for yourself?

Daisydot123

Yep I totally agree with how she uses it Is up to her. But imagine she bought a £50k car then went to a solicitor and but on it you could take it if anything happened. God it's like your being doomed before you even start the life you are leading. Lol

alleycat`

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Tf. Me on the other hand I'm hoping I won't but you never know and if I do then he will be entitled to my half mums house and savings if things do !!!! up (as he suggested)

This is the bit that for me needs clearing up.

If he thinks like i do, and he's not interested in your inheritance, then at least he's been consistent.

If he thinks that is fair game and his isn't then it becomes a problem.
Otherwise it's just a way of thinking that you don't necessarily share and it needs talking through.

Nobody agrees on everything and i can see why it is upsetting but it needs more conversation rather than avoiding the subject.

comeandgo

Alleycat I agree with you. My husband and I have been together 15 years. When he "arrived" he came with a 60k divorce settlement. That's not my money and never has been and I've never seen it as mine. When he dies it's going to his children.

Mojisola

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I feel like saying go stick your money in an account and we will save as much as we can and not use any of his money. ARAGHHHHH!

This is a good idea. Let it sit there while you both get on with your (joint) lives and he has time to grieve.