HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

catkins

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

In my view it IS your money as well as his and my OH would think the same. ALL money that comes into our house whether earned, won, inherited, is our money.


If your OH bought a lottery tickets and won 2 million on it would he regard this as his money?

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

he wanted exactly 50% of the bills paid by me (when I was earning half what he earned - which would have wiped me out financially).

It probably changed because I got a new job where I earn double what I did 6 months ago, but I don't mind. It's our money.

I think you've got a much bigger problem than the way he's thinking about his inheritance!

lika_86

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you've got a much bigger problem than the way he's thinking about his inheritance!

Lulu isn't the OP

Mojisola

lika_86 wrote: »

Lulu isn't the OP

Thanks - it didn't seem to fit with the "generous" comment.

Still think that lulu has a problem.

Homeownertobe

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

So why are you upset about it?

Think of it this way - he's lost his dad and the money from his dad is all he has left of him. And now you're begrudging him safeguarding what's left of his dad should the worst happen and you split up?

If he wanted to keep it in the bank and not let you near it, let alone benefit from it, then you may have a point. But he wants to use the money to benefit you both but also safeguarding what he has left of his dad. You do appear to think that you're entitled to the money, and more than that - refusing to have anything to do with it, just makes you look as if you wanted it all and if you can't have it then you don't want him to benefit from it either.

I actually think you're being very selfish about a man who's grieving for his father.

FBaby

What's the background behind getting married? Why did you finally decide to get married after 7 years? Did you discuss marriage at any point? Were you engaged long? Was he always keen to be married?

I find it very odd that you never had a discusssion to that regard before being married as surely that is part of the decision to do so? OH got taken by the cleaners by his first wife so was understanbly reluctant to jump on the ship again after rebuilding his financial situation. I respected the fact that it was a huge decision for him, but ultimately, I needed to know that he had enough trust and faith in me to be prepared to take that risk. As said before, the risk will be returned at some point anyway when I inherit. When he finally asked me to marry him, it was on the understand that there was no going back to his previous life, whatever happened, it wouldn't be the same but he was prepared to take that chance because of the commitment he was prepared to make.

I really don't get at all why people supposedly commit to each other through marriage, but are not trully committed if they are unwilling to take any risks. As it's been said by many, why get married if you are not willing to be committed.

Errata

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

If you think that's your sole decision you have bigger problems with your very new marriage than who coughs up how much deposit.

victory

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I . I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

But it's not... Your OH had to loose his father to inherit this money. You do not say how hard his father had to struggle/ work for this money in his life, your OH wants you both to put it on a house and both benefit from the money but he wants to safeguard his money as statistically 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce and rightly so.

It is a phenomenal amount of money, his dad's money which he wants to respect as that is all he has left of him, he wants to better your future together with the money but if something happens to your relationship he wants it back so?

Flossie.

I know that the OP's husband is putting the money he got into buying a house that he and she will live in. But the fact that he wants to make sure that he gets all 'his' money back if/when the marriage breaks down, is not good. I am getting bad vibes it tbh.

As many have said on here, it doesn't sound like something I would expect people to do if they're married.

If I were the OP, I would be VERY unhappy about this situation.

victory

Flossie. wrote: »

I know that the OP's husband is putting the money he got into buying a house that he and she will live in. But the fact that he wants to make sure that he gets all 'his' money back if/when the marriage breaks down, is not good. I am getting bad vibes it tbh.

If I were the OP, I would be VERY unhappy about this situation.

Can't see why myself, if he had chosen to buy a luxury car, blow it on holidays, fancy clothes, drank it down the pub, gambled it, then yes huge selfish problems but he wants to put it into a house together to better their future but if it breaks down he wants to know his dad money is safe, perfectly acceptable, it is a huge amount of money