HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

gettingtheresometime

I'm sorry but I would be hurt if OH had made a comment like yours had.

When FIL died, the payment OH received from the DIS element was enough to pay off our mortgage.....at no point did he say that a greater %age of the house is his

SuzieSue

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I'm sorry but I would be hurt if OH had made a comment like yours had.

When FIL died, the payment OH received from the DIS element was enough to pay off our mortgage.....at no point did he say that a greater %age of the house is his

How long had you been married when your FIL died, did you have any children and how old were you both?

pickledonionspaceraider

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

When FIL died, the payment OH received from the DIS element was enough to pay off our mortgage.....at no point did he say that a greater %age of the house is his

Apologies if I am misreading the OP, but i believe I haven't read anywhere that the OPs husband has said he will own a greater percentage - rather that he would like to protect his 60k-100k desposit - in case they split.

gettingtheresometime

SuzieSue wrote: »

How long had you been married when your FIL died, did you have any children and how old were you both?

In our 30s, with one child and had been married 15 yrs at the time.

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Apologies if I am misreading the OP, but i believe I haven't read anywhere that the OPs husband has said he will own a greater percentage - rather that he would like to protect his 60k-100k desposit - in case they split.

Isn't that spliting hairs?

Daisydot123

We have no children. Been together 8 years. Married since Last 7 months His dad didn't know he was gong to die. He attended our wedding and within 6 weeks he caught an infection and died within days. Only reason he will have this money is cos he is selling his dad's house and it will be halved between his brother and him. He said he wasn't thinking straight last night and has now apologised. No he doesn't want a bigger bit of the house. He said Incase we split and went separate ways and ended up having to sell the house he would want his 100k back we will both be paying the mortgage.

gettingtheresometime

Daisydot123 wrote: »

We have no children. Been together 8 years. Married since Last 7 months His dad didn't know he was gong to die. He attended our wedding and within 6 weeks he caught an infection and died within days. Only reason he will have this money is cos he is selling his dad's house and it will be halved between his brother and him. He said he wasn't thinking straight last night and has now apologised. No he doesn't want a bigger bit of the house. He said Incase we split and went separate ways and ended up having to sell the house he would want his 100k back we will both be paying the mortgage.

What has he apologised for ? Asking for your agreement in writing or wanting his £100K back if you split?

I'd still be unhappy either way

Georgiegirl256

Daisydot123 wrote: »

No he doesn't want a bigger bit of the house. He said Incase we split and went separate ways and ended up having to sell the house he would want his 100k back we will both be paying the mortgage.

Which makes total sense.

I notice you haven't answered my question above OP?

gettingtheresometime

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

So, just out of interest. Say you were to split up in however many years time, would you take exactly half or would you make sure your husband got his whole deposit back?

The problem with questions like this is that the answer totally depends on the circumstances of the split and the length of the relationship.

They could split 10 years down the line due to his infidelity and I know I would go for jugular .....alternatively it might be due to the OP's infidelity and she decide that she wants out with just what is 'morally' right.

Alternatively they could split after 30 years and decide to split everything down the middle.

We might like to think we would act with morals but emotions do take over.

pickledonionspaceraider

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Isn't that spliting hairs?

It depends which way you look at it, but that seems to be reading something into it that isn't there, based on the facts we are given.

To me, a husband saying he owns more of the marital home than the wife could be seen as slightly braggy, potentially trying to belittle his wife, cause a feeling of one-up-man-ship, and maybe slightly passive aggressive. It could be seen as a bit of a warning sign to her of an unequal balance in an existing relationship - this does not seem to be going on here.

The other side of it, him genuinely wanting to have security on money that his own parent left him - I don't think is a reflection on the wife, or even about her at all in the sense that he sees doom and gloom for their future

OP I hope you find a resolve that suits you both, we can all talk about what is right for each of us but ultimately, you two are a unique couple with unique perceptions

pickledonionspaceraider

Daisydot123 wrote: »

No he doesn't want a bigger bit of the house. He said Incase we split and went separate ways and ended up having to sell the house he would want his 100k back we will both be paying the mortgage.

Makes sense to me, how are things now?

Have you discussed that should you become an inheritee - is that the right word? (should the worst happen and your parent dies) that you would also like to have the same in place for any inheritance that may come your way - that you should retain it upon relationship breakdown

After all, what is good for the goose...

As you can tell, I am all for protecting yourself - and honestly am not playing devils advocate here, it is what I would do

As an aside, In the old days, like my grandmas day, the ladies used to keep a ''handbag fund'' that they didn't tell their husbands about. Just incase they needed to get away / the relationship broke down etc.