HELP!! Mortgage deposit, my husband has more!!

Daisydot123

Flossie. wrote: »

Exactly. I think going into a marriage 'safeguarding your assets,' just taints the marriage before it's started. It's suggesting that you are not 100% sure about the relationship IMO.

That's how I feel. And if the shoe was on the other foot I honestly would not of ever even thought to do such a thing. I would of been more than happy to pay for the whole house if I was in the position too. I can see where he is coming from. But it's just very hurtful!

And very raw at the moment.

Flossie.

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Flossie. wrote: »

Exactly. I think going into a marriage 'safeguarding your assets,' just taints the marriage before it's started. It's suggesting that you are not 100% sure about the relationship IMO.

That's how I feel. And if the shoe was on the other foot I honestly would not of ever even thought to do such a thing. I would of been more than happy to pay for the whole house if I was in the position too. I can see where he is coming from. But it's just very hurtful!

And very raw at the moment.

I hope it all works out Daisy. Sorry if you have already said, but have you told him EXACTLY how you feel?

Daisydot123

Yeh I have. He said if I feel that hurt about it for us to completely forget we even had the conversation. But it's been running through my mind still all day.

Flossie.

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Yeh I have. He said if I feel that hurt about it for us to completely forget we even had the conversation. But it's been running through my mind still all day.

Forget you had the conversation??? What, like he may reconsider?

If that is the case, talk to him again: he may have meant no harm when he suggested it, and maybe you can come to some kind of compromise.

Good luck.

victory

Daisydot123 wrote: »

Yeh I have. He said if I feel that hurt about it for us to completely forget we even had the conversation. But it's been running through my mind still all day.

Of course it has, as I said you are thinking about it with your heart and your OH with his head, two very different ways of looking at it

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you've got a much bigger problem than the way he's thinking about his inheritance!

Well notice how it was written in past tense firstly! This was years ago and I was part time and at uni. I told him straight off that wouldn't happen and he understood when I told him why. We don't have any financial issues because we agreed to be equal. At the moment I earn more but it used to be him and it probably will be again soon but it's not like only one of us will see the benefit. Wouldn't be with him if I thought he was a selfish oaf.

tea_lover

Sorry if I've missed this but were you already married when he got this inheritance? If so, his dad surely realised that he was leaving money to a married couple not just an individual, no matter which one of you was actually named in a will.

I won't be getting married again as I don't want to make that level of commitment. I couldn't say that I was 100% happy about sharing everything I own, so I've chosen not to marry again. If I were to marry it would be with the full understanding that everything I took with me and everything I later gained would be joint.

Just seems like some people want the best of both worlds.

pickledonionspaceraider

I am a married female, and really don't see the problem with what he is saying to be honest OP - IMO its practical

Marriages do breakdown all the time - sad fact of life, there is no guarantee that you will be together in five years, same as any of us. Its not his way of putting a dampner on things, or predicting the future, but none of us know what is around the corner.

How would you feel if he were to blow the 60k in its entirety on himself on cars etc? He is quite entitled to do so, but he has chosen to use it to invest in your lives together

If my marriage were to breakdown, I would not want my ex walking away with money that my own dad has sweated to earn. I would not feel that he was entitled to it and would be a betrayal of my own dad, should I let an ex have his money

I dont blame your OH and to be honest, I would do the exact same thing

SuzieSue

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I just think when people are married. They are a team. That was the way I was brought up. I've never heard of such thing like that is your money and that is mine..

Perhaps this would be the case several decades ago when most people didn't get divorced as it wasn't socially acceptable and because a lot of women were not financially independent (people just had extra-marital affairs instead).

Now that a large percentage of marriages end in divorce so I don't think your view is relevant.

Georgiegirl256

Daisydot123 wrote: »

I certainly don't think I am entitled to this money. Or even want this money. It's not my money. BUT the fact he felt the need to express he needed to do this has really hurt me. I have decided that I don't wanna use any of that money as part of our deposit for a house. I don't wanna be made felt like it wasn't my money.

So, just out of interest. Say you were to split up in however many years time, would you take exactly half or would you make sure your husband got his whole deposit back?