How much to let slip for the sake of son having a family

*max*

justme111 wrote: »

Ok. So how divorcing him will increase the amount of time and effort he puts into his.child ?
You want to divorce him because he lied to you about other people being in the room and his bedtime.
You feel disrespected - of course you do. Have you for one instance thought how heust have felt when you kept calling him and telling him off while he was with his friends ?
My.opinion - you lost the plot. My advice - brease in brease out , get on with your life , question yourself on how wrong it is from you to expect a young father developing his career to feel the same about the child as you , the mother , do , count yourself very lucky you got a child , and a man who you trust not to have affairs while living essentially on his own who is happy with his life and earns money and never again humiliate him as you have done on this occasion.
Wishing you long happy life together. Feel free to thank me if my words will make you see sense.

Mojisola wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I know, right? Such a conceited thing to say, a la David Brent! :rotfl:

JoW123

Caleb11 wrote: »

No not at all. I know how difficult it will be. He moved away for a year with his job and I coped alone as a single parent. I know how difficult it is but I was happy then because it was constantly my looking after lo, just as it is now, but without the disappointment of oh seemingly not being interested in spending time with us.

We will plan days out as a family now and then he will start working and say he can't come. Or if he does come he will, for example, go in for a bath 15 minutes before we are supposed to leave and stay there for an hour as apparently he needs to chill out.

This is just really disappointing all the time. I see other families at the parks or soft play that I go to with lo and I feel sad that his dad doesn't want to do those things. At least as a single parent I won't feel constantly let down and sad.

You will feel let down and sad as a single parent because you will still be at the park on your own. However, he isn't being fair if he constantly lets you down when you have already planned things. I agree with FBaby and think he is resentful of the baby for whatever reason and is not prioritising family time. You are resentful too and I completely understand why BUT as a single parent you will still be on your own and tied to your son. The only difference would be if you split and decided to go back to your hometown where you have more family support.

Caleb11

It was during a time where I had ran out of the pill and needed to get more. My fault entirely but he was well aware. I took emergency contraception the next day too. I don't particularly like discussing that as it seems as though I desperately didn't want my child. I do love him more than anything though I just knew it wasn't the best time to have a child. But I definitely don't regret him.

Oh was seemingly happy when I was pregnant, it wasn't as though he didn't want to be a father.

Caleb11

I know I will still be alone at the park.

But is it Better that I'm alone and happy with that fact or alone and annoyed at OH for disappointing us.

I used to have to take lo out every weekend myself when OH moved away. I coped much better with it as I knew I had to. But when you know you don't have to and you should/could be getting more help from OH as he's present and not simply physically unable to help, it hurts a lot more.

justme111

What I was saying is that a split is not an answer you your predicament. It is like curing headache with guillotine.
But as you "100% sure" you have not done anything wrong that could contribute to your present unhappiness it looks like guillotine is the answer .

DKLS

Caleb11 wrote: »

I won't divorce him because we aren't married.

And splitting from him won't make him spend anymore time with his child or care about him anymore. What it will do is stop me from settling with someone who cares for their child in this way. I believe I deserve better. Both me and my son. Money isn't everything but I see the value he places on myself and my son and it makes me unhappy. He values money more than us. That's the bottom line.

I didn't keep calling him.

I called him after he sent a message where it was apparent he was still drunk at 8am. This is after a week of getting no phone calls from him and finding out from my mum he has only phoned our son once.

I often laugh to myself at the replies to my threads on the MSE Forums. The majority of people are really nice but some people I just think intentionally comment for a reaction or to be really harsh and critical.

It makes me realise that there is often no need for such harsh responses. I'm a young mum trying to do the best for myself my son and my oh. I feel upset and unhappy at my current situation. I know for 100% fact I have not done anything wrong

God forbid I called my OH who I haven't seen in weeks asking why he can go out all night, lie about it, lie about who is at his door, when he can't call me or his son.

Reading between the lines it sounds like you have made your mind up to leave, I feel sorry for the kid and the guy in this instance.

If you do go I hope you have a good answer when he is around 16 and he asks why Daddy left, and you answer he worked too much to give us a good life.

Perhaps you should have chosen a partner with little or no ambition beyond a family life.

FBaby

I am not judging you. I too had my first under a 'mistake' that has been one of the best mistakes I have ever made. However, the circumstances might have something to do with his attitude. Of course he was happy, but then that was probably thinking that he could continue with his life as it was without much disruption.

You say it was your fault and he probably sees it as such and therefore subconsciously thinks there is nothing wrong with the fact that you should be sacrifying your life more to bring him up. It's an immature attitude, but then he is indeed still very young. It will take him learning that life is not as black and white as he portrays it, realising that it is so easy to take for granted the things you should feel grateful for, that he will wake up one day and realise that he missed a chance.

How many successful men who think they have it all wake up one day, realising that their wives really had enough of never seeing them, found someone else and wanting a divorce, whilst realising that they hardly know their kids, and suddenly feel very lonely and like a failure. How many of them suddenly want to get closer to their kids to realise that their kids have got so used to him not being around, they are not bothered uddenly spending more time with him?

Caleb11

Yes maybe, or just a partner who chooses to spend £200 to travel home so he's there for his sons birthday instead of missing it becuase it's too much money. Yet working away apparently to get money. There is a lot more scenarios where his money and love of it has contradicted providing a nice family life.

When he moved away I was left to cope on my Uni bursary and he sent me £200 a month whilst he enjoyed his wage. Hardly providing a family now is it.

FBaby

I used to have to take lo out every weekend myself when OH moved away. I coped much better with it as I knew I had to. But when you know you don't have to and you should/could be getting more help from OH as he's present and not simply physically unable to help, it hurts a lot more.

I bet it does and I feel for you but you can't make him change, only try to make him appreciate what he's got. Ultimately, only he can see what he's got to lose.

Caleb11

Also we bought one nice flashy car despite my wanting two !!!!!! cars so we could have a car each. I then had to walk 2 miles a day with lo in the winter so he could have his flashy car.

Lots of other things just so you know it's not as black and white.