How much to let slip for the sake of son having a family

Pollycat

FatVonD wrote: »

I agree with Pollycat, once you're a parent you should stop taking risks like that.

TBH, it was as much the fact that it was in a foreign country - which might view drug-taking differently to here - that would have got to me.

Caleb11

Apologies I should have said OHs son not my son.

I don't doubt that he probably does feel disrespected by me. I must admit I am probably a nightmare to live with. I feel hurt and upset that I have the majority of the responsibility of our son.

These feelings then transfer to day to day life. I snap at him for things which could really be dismissed. I do feel an underlying anger towards him and these are intensified due to instances like in the hotel room when he's blatantly lying.

I have spoken to him about this. He says he'll pull his weight more with our son but when he's working constantly it's impossible and then it doesn't improve.

I feel so sad to acknowledge that my situation is really bad. I'm really unhappy. I don't want our son to experience this. I don't want to have to move out or move home. I finally have a job I can progress in but I know deep down I'm deeply unhappy with Oh and I am really worried this will affect my career.

mgdavid

Caleb11 wrote: »

....... My full life revolves around my son. ........

apart from the degree and the career.......

Pollycat

Caleb11 wrote: »

I have spoken to him about this. He says he'll pull his weight more with our son but when he's working constantly it's impossible and then it doesn't improve.

So what do you do about it?

It's pretty easy to say 'I do see where I've been going wrong and I'll (try to) change' but a lot harder to actually do it.

Can you really expect him to 'pull his weight' with your son if he doesn't change his working habits?

Don't you think that should be step 1?

If he's not willing to change that, then maybe you should start to have the 'it may be better if we split up' discussion.

Caleb11 wrote: »

I feel so sad to acknowledge that my situation is really bad. I'm really unhappy. I don't want our son to experience this. I don't want to have to move out or move home. I finally have a job I can progress in but I know deep down I'm deeply unhappy with Oh and I am really worried this will affect my career.

This may sound harsh but I'm beginning to wonder what your priorities are.

Caleb11

Of course. I am still allowed to have a degree and a career but my full life to revolve around my son. The only reason I have my degree is because of my son. And the job. without him I wouldn't have been focused on building up my career at 23. I would have probably been focused on working an easier job for less money to fund my holidays to Ibiza and shopping sprees. But I don't because my life revolves around my son. I want to be able to provide for him regardless of my relationship status.

Caleb11

What do you think my priorities are? What are you hinting at?

Mojisola

Caleb11 wrote: »

What do you think my priorities are? What are you hinting at?

A woman - wanting a career as well as to be a mother = bad!

A man - wanting a career as well as to be a father = a good provider.

I sometimes wonder what happened to all the changes we thought were being made in the 1960s.

Caleb11

Yes. Absolutely pathetic. If I at 23, settled that my partner would provide for me and out son until he was 18 I would be very naive. If we split I would be pushed into poverty and would be relying on benefits and probably scalded by the same people who scald you for working hard and wanting a career. Thank goodness I've got a son.

justme111

Ok. So how divorcing him will increase the amount of time and effort he puts into his.child ?
You want to divorce him because he lied to you about other people being in the room and his bedtime.
You feel disrespected - of course you do. Have you for one instance thought how heust have felt when you kept calling him and telling him off while he was with his friends ?
My.opinion - you lost the plot. My advice - brease in brease out , get on with your life , question yourself on how wrong it is from you to expect a young father developing his career to feel the same about the child as you , the mother , do , count yourself very lucky you got a child , and a man who you trust not to have affairs while living essentially on his own who is happy with his life and earns money and never again humiliate him as you have done on this occasion.
Wishing you long happy life together. Feel free to thank me if my words will make you see sense.

Caleb11

I admit that I don't need to work. I live very comfortably without working but I want to. I have a brain and I need to use that. If that's wrong then so be it. But like I said, someone will always say your wrong. Working, not working, on benefits etc.