How much to let slip for the sake of son having a family

FatVonD

An all nighter with colleagues wouldn't be a deal breaker to me as I trust my husband but the 23-year-old me was more insecure and would have hated it.

Putting you on speakerphone was a massive betrayal and make shim sound like a bit of an aris.

I think you both have settled down too soon and, whilst you have more reasonable expectations of what being a parent means, your oH thinks he can just carry on behaving as if he has no responsibilities.

In your position I'd talk to him, explain the situation, give it until the tenancy on your own home runs out for things to improve and if you're still not happy move yourself and your LO back into your house.

System

Your two married people living a single life. You need to meet in the middle somewhere before you both lose your way. As how the best to do it, well that's only something you and he can work out.

FatVonD

Carl31 wrote: »

Not really, ignoring the legal aspect for a while, many people consider this a normal part of going out


It doesn't make him a crack addict, or on the road to ruin

I agree with Pollycat, once you're a parent you should stop taking risks like that.

justme111

As per your original post you would be leaving him for going out with his mates overnight. Not very reasonable of you to say the least. Or is there something elsewrong ? Then it would be useful to identify what it is.

Caleb11

We aren't married. Our tenancy ends next month then we need to sign for another 12 months. It isn't an option to move into my old house as it's 500 miles away. I want to continue in this job I have. I worked really hard to get it and got rejected from lots of jobs before now.

Mojisola

Caleb11 wrote: »

He acknowledges that he is obsessed with work and money but that as his parents both died at a young age he feels a need to establish himself and have his own money and savings as a back up.

And in a way I do like it as it provides security for my son in the future but on the other hand he sacrifices a lot of time and a relationship with my son so it does upset me.

So he didn't have a relationship with his parents because they died and his son doesn't have a relationship with him because he's working away and 'too busy' to speak to him?

What does he really want for his son - financial security or happy memories of doing things with Dad?

catkins

I can't see that you have given your OH's age (if you have I apologise). You are only 23 so I assume he is a similar age. Do you think he feels pressure to provide for you and your child? Was the child planned?


If he is a similar age, you are both young to have the responsibility of a house you bought and now rent out, your rented house and a young child

Caleb11

I'm not leaving him for going out with his mates. I would be leaving him because-
1. I feel disconnected from him. He works all the time and doesn't seem to be putting my son at the top of his priorities.
2. When he works away he lies and swore on my sons life.
3. I feel disrespected by him in the way he lied and then didn't take my concerns serious, discussing it in front of his work friends.

Caleb11

He is 25 so a couple years older. The child wasn't planned but was very much wanted and is loved incredibly much. My full life revolves around my son.

when I had my son I really focused at Uni and wanted to get a graduate job which I managed to do. I wasn't interested in going out drinking and doing drugs or anything like that. Although I'm 23 I am incredibly happy being a mum and I don't feel unhappy about my responsibilities. At all.

When lo was born, oh worked really hard. He was very keen to impress at work. He does still like to go out and drink quite a lot when he gets the chance. Which is fine, I don't deny him of that at all. What I don't like is that he does take drugs quite often when he does go out. But he doesn't go out all too often (because we both moved away) so it isn't much of an issue.

He's a good dad when he's with LO but it does sometimes annoy me that he appears not to have the same relationship like I do. If he did he would surely phone him every night whilst he's working away?

Georgiegirl256

Caleb11 wrote: »

I'm not leaving him for going out with his mates. I would be leaving him because-
1. I feel disconnected from him. He works all the time and doesn't seem to be putting my son at the top of his priorities.
2. When he works away he lies and swore on my sons life.
3. I feel disrespected by him in the way he lied and then didn't take my concerns serious, discussing it in front of his work friends.

"My son"? He's your OH's son too.

Maybe he feels disrespected by you too? It works both ways, and it doesn't appear that you're even trying to make time for each other. What happened to communication? To sitting down and really talking things though.