Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

FBaby

You are clearly upset because of the outcome of your conversation. I bet he is just as upset. It's now gone from how can we compromise to how can we communicate without antagonising each other so instead of getting better is gone worse. Your chosen approach didn't work can you consider another one after you take a break to think things through more calmly?

mummyroysof3

If you don't ring them yourself this won't get sorted. Tell them welcome to come but you need notice to prep and wether can book to go away

victory

Marisco wrote: »

, all this fuss and falling out over a 4 year olds' birthday is ridiculous IMO.

I think it is gone way over it being about the DD birthday, it is about being heard, feeling that there could be a compromise, that all the anger and frustration over how the OP feels that her OH is treated by his parents is justified, I reckon she must feel helpless, powerless, invisible, that her voice is not being heard but the OH feels that he has heard it so often before he is prepared to lie to get some peace

seven-day-weekend

It's not the sort of thing my husband and I would have fallen out about, I must admit. I might say 'what the heck did you invite them that weekend for,' but we'd have accommodated it.

Maybe he just wants his parents there on his daughter's birthday and wasn't consulted about it??

victory

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

If you don't ring them yourself this won't get sorted. Tell them welcome to come but you need notice to prep and wether can book to go away

Is there enough of a relationship there to go direct to them though?

Marisco

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It's not the sort of thing my husband and I would have fallen out about, I must admit. I might say 'what the heck did you invite them that weekend for,' but we'd have accommodated it.

Maybe he just wants his parents there on his daughter's birthday and wasn't consulted about it??

I think most people would TBH, might have a bit of a moan, but nowt like this!! OP seems to be bending over backwards to accommodate "birth" friends (whatever the hell they are!!) but reluctant to do the same with in laws. I too get the feeling that there is way more to this as well. God help the op when the kid gets married!!

mummyroysof3

victory wrote: »

Is there enough of a relationship there to go direct to them though?

I would hope so. I wouldn't feed people in my home who I couldn't ring to ask a question

victory

Marisco wrote: »

I think most people would TBH, might have a bit of a moan, but nowt like this!! OP seems to be bending over backwards to accommodate "birth" friends (whatever the hell they are!!) but reluctant to do the same with in laws. I too get the feeling that there is way more to this as well. God help the op when the kid gets married!!

Well there is, OP feels that they are not welcomed when they travel at x amount of petrol expense to go up there and have to find y amount of food money as there is never anything in and even have to provide their own toilet rolls, etc etc, there is a lot going on and also them coming straight after the birth as OP says she has never forgiven them for that, over the years more and more negatives have mounted up to now boiling point, each time I guess OP would have wanted her OH to take her side, each time it did not happen, it just adds to the anger, resentment, frustration, dislike and every other negative

victory

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

I would hope so. I wouldn't feed people in my home who I couldn't ring to ask a question

I agree but the thread reaks of uhm I was going to say hatred but that seems very harsh...dislike for the parents of her OH so I could not see the OP wanting to ring them to arrange anything..

mummyroysof3

Well it seems that the hubby can't say to them what needs to be said. This situation won't get sorted unless the people who might visit realise they can't just turn up as prep needs to be done