Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

victory

notanewuser wrote: »

Nope. He couldn't give a !!!!.

And worse then that he lied to me. He deliberately asked them to come down for DD's birthday with no thought for anything. They replied that they probably could if the timing of the building work fitted.

Then he said "if we were going up there for one of their birthdays, we'd stay in a hotel." Erm, exactly. So perhaps they could stay in a hotel if they're coming down for DD's birthday.

"If they stay in a hotel I'm staying there with them."

Says it all, really.

He's fed up. He's argued about it before. He's heard it all before. It has been going on for years, there will be no compromise, you both are completely poles apart, he's defensive and angry because he is sick to the back teeth of going over and over the same ground that now he lies to you, easier than yet another row

seven-day-weekend

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't understand why so many people think notanewuser is the one at fault here.:(

There have been threads on here before where one partner just doesn't see the OH's family at all because they don't get on - notanewuser spends time and money making sure that her OH and their daughter gets to spend time with the in-laws.

When his family have come in the past, she's waited on them because that's what they expect.

If there was space in the house this week, she would have dealt with them coming (or not coming, depending on the builder).

As this weekend was planned out, sensible compromises were offered so that they could still come to the birthday if they wanted or come for another event.

Just who is the one in this relationship who needs to learn to compromise (and remember when arrangements have been made and agreed)?

As for telling notanewuser that she shouldn't be having the people to stay who are visiting for the weekend because it's "only a little one's birthday" - how arrogant!

I must admit, I too think it is a load of fuss for a four-year-old, but all families are different and have different priorities and different ways of celebrating and socialising.

However, this appears to be what the OP has difficulty understanding. To his family, dropping in as and when, without making a formal appointment, is obviously the norm. For the OP it isn't. So they may well look upon her as unwelcoming and she looks upon them as presumptive.

It seems to be sorted out now, if the husband has suggested another week. Compromise reached.

(Just read further and it seems it is not that simple. Personally I don't see why his parents coming is such an issue, but she clearly does. It is something they are going to have to sort out.).

notanewuser

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

How much notice do they intend on giving you?

A few hours I expect.

notanewuser

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I must admit, I too think it is a load of fuss for a four-year-old, but all families are different and have different priorities and different ways of celebrating and socialising.

However, this appears to be what the OP has difficulty understanding. To his family, dropping in as and when, without making a formal appointment, is obviously the norm. For the OP it isn't. So they may well look upon her as unwelcoming and she looks upon them as presumptive.

It seems to be sorted out now, if the husband has suggested another week. Compromise reached.

Sorted out?? SORTED OUT??? Are you reading the same thread?!

It's nowhere near sorted out!!!

lulu_92

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorted out?? SORTED OUT??? Are you reading the same thread?!

It's nowhere near sorted out!!!

I think seven-day-weekend means that your OH has rang about the other weekend, which is as sorted out as it's going to get. Don't get shirty with the people on here. Maybe take a break from this thread as it's obviously creating more stress and problems.

victory

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorted out?? SORTED OUT??? Are you reading the same thread?!

It's nowhere near sorted out!!!

You need to take a step back and breath...calm down...take a step back and try not to make this the deal breaker...life will go on after this...it really is a bug bear with you and no matter who comes on here and whatever anyone says you seem only to be able to see it one way..your way.. take a breath, go for a walk, although you see it as a dramatic, traumatic, deal breaker even it really does not have to be.

justme111

millysg1 wrote: »

Im not sure where anyone has said anything about dictating and making demands. But being annoyed that my OH didn't want to spend the weekend nights at home for mine and my daughters birthday would be upsetting. And I would wonder why he felt it necessary to sleep in a hotel just because I didn't have to time or space to clear a bedroom last minute for people who may or may not come! That's just a childish tantrum for not getting his own way. Especially as they always stay in hotels when they visit his parents yet they have 2 spare bedrooms. and he could always clear the rooms himself!

Im not a doormat that jumps when my husband demands me to tidy the house for him because he has decided with no consultation and regards for plans that he wants to change everything and not do any of the help to prepare for this last minute changes.

I think you made quite a harsh sweeping statement there.

Read your post I.replied to. How many "shouds" and "should nots" it has. That what I was referring to when I said "dictating".
What you do not understand about him staying in a hotel .wih them about ? He does not want to /can not sort their accommodation at his hence he goes to a hotel with them .
It's far better that you would be wondering or annoyed than to come up with "shoulds" applied to him. What dies it have to do with a doormat ? Where have I said that she has to accommodate them ?

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorted out?? SORTED OUT??? Are you reading the same thread?!

It's nowhere near sorted out!!!

Christ, calm down will you! Why don't you just phone them up, explain the situation, tell them straight that your rooms are full of your parents gear, and if they want to come they'll have to book a hotel! Their choice, and if your oh wants to spend time in the hotel with them, then leave him to it. I have to say I agree with SDW, all this fuss and falling out over a 4 year olds' birthday is ridiculous IMO.

seven-day-weekend

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorted out?? SORTED OUT??? Are you reading the same thread?!

It's nowhere near sorted out!!!

I hadn't read the WHOLE thread.

Now I have.

lulu_92

Marisco wrote: »

Christ, calm down will you! Why don't you just phone them up, explain the situation, tell them straight that your rooms are full of your parents gear, and if they want to come they'll have to book a hotel! Their choice, and if your oh wants to spend time in the hotel with them, then leave him to it. I have to say I agree with SDW, all this fuss and falling out over a 4 year olds' birthday is ridiculous IMO.

this should be easy enough seeing as you dislike them as it is :rotfl: