Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

thorsoak

notanewuser wrote: »

I'll be sure to let you know. Wouldn't want you to miss a golden opportunity for some crowing.

No, I would not be crowing. I really do think it is sad. For you, your OH, and most particularly for your little girl.

millysg1

notanewuser wrote: »

I didn't actually mention his parents. It was all fine while we were just talking about the theme park. He looked it up, saw why I wanted to go for more than 1 day and agreed. Then I said "so we'll find somewhere near there for dinner and let the traffic die down before heading back. DD can sleep in the car."

All good until he realised that that would mean his parents couldn't arrive whenever they wanted to.

That then led to a "where will they sleep" question from me, and then all hell let loose.

I think a compromise here should be you only go for 1 day and 1 night and come back mid Friday.

And then he compromise on sleeping arrangements. Might be the only way of coming to an agreement,

though I can see why your unhappy at him lying. I know I would be.

justme111

notanewuser wrote: »

I am furious that he lied to me.

I am heartbroken that he would put his saving face above his daughter.

I am sick of being made out to be some awful person because I expect some consultation over things that directly affect me.

And I am fed up of being so accomodating to people who the rest of the time couldn't give two hoots.

Yes lie is an issue. You may think "how do I treat my man that he feels like a guilty child with me ". It is sad.

Heartbroken about him.putting parents above daughter ? What a manipulative statement , how him spending either one or three nights with parents affects his daughter ?

Fed up of being accommodating - fair enough , but that's YOUR issue , not his. How lashing at him corrects it ?

Sick of being made awfull person because you don't want to do what he wants ? How you feel (awfull or not ) is your own business , nobody can make you feel anything without your consent

millysg1

justme111 wrote: »

Heartbroken about him.putting parents above daughter ? What a manipulative statement , how him spending either one or three nights with parents affects his daughter ?

Because his DDs and Wife's Birthday weekend should be more important. He should be with her when she wakes up on the morning of her birthday and be with his wife on hers. I know this isn't always possible but he shouldn't make a specific effort to not be around when in all honesty her DOES NOT need to spend the evenings at the hotel with his parents when they can all spend the day and evening at the house and just go to hotel to sleep. Why does he need to sleep at the hotel also?

FBaby

The way you describe his reaction shows no logic or reason so either he is losing the plot or your are totally misunderstanding or misinterpreting his words and actions. So much defensiveness is going on both sides I think you have both completely lost the means for effective communication. I think yoy need a break and stepping back from this particular issue to reflect on your relationship.

justme111

*max* wrote: »

Message too short for some reason

Whether he would or would not take responsibility is a guesswork. The whole point is to let the consequences deliver message he should have. Without arguments.

How sleeping in a hotel is a childish move of his is not anybody's business , he does what he thinks right while she does what she thinks is right.

lostinrates

Not,

I think you should give EVERY one involved some slack. You husband, his family and yourself.

If your husband felt the need to lie to you over this it suggests communicating with you over this issue is a known aggravator and created of difficulty or upset for you. No, its not right, of courses its not, or excusable, but it is easy to see how it might develop as a reaction.

You have admitted you are under. Lot of stress. Your husband has to watch you and try and support you through this stress, and I hope you will suffer be saying you express your self here at least as quite a reactive person with a strong personality, great character stregths but can be hard for those in supporting and partnership roles when strong people suffer.

For now can you do something that you find blows the stress through you a bit....a fast walk /long run outside before school is out? Scented bath? Furious vacuuming?

justme111

millysg1 wrote: »

Because his DDs and Wife's Birthday weekend should be more important. He should be with her when she wakes up on the morning of her birthday and be with his wife on hers. I know this isn't always possible but he shouldn't make a specific effort to not be around when in all honesty her DOES NOT need to spend the evenings at the hotel with his parents when they can all spend the day and evening at the house and just go to hotel to sleep. Why does he need to sleep at the hotel also?

First of all - it has not been confirmed that he intends to spend all 3 night's with them. Second - even if so he may well be there for his daughter's wake up and bedtime. Third - if he had a jib with his missus and.wants to stay.with parents he is entitled to. You.seem to think it is all right to dictate to a grown up man to dictate who he should spend his time with to such an extent and that looks vert wrong to me.

mummyroysof3

How much notice do they intend on giving you?

millysg1

justme111 wrote: »

First of all - it has not been confirmed that he intends to spend all 3 night's with them. Second - even if so he may well be there for his daughter's wake up and bedtime. Third - if he had a jib with his missus and.wants to stay.with parents he is entitled to. You.seem to think it is all right to dictate to a grown up man to dictate who he should spend his time with to such an extent and that looks vert wrong to me.

Im not sure where anyone has said anything about dictating and making demands. But being annoyed that my OH didn't want to spend the weekend nights at home for mine and my daughters birthday would be upsetting. And I would wonder why he felt it necessary to sleep in a hotel just because I didn't have to time or space to clear a bedroom last minute for people who may or may not come! That's just a childish tantrum for not getting his own way. Especially as they always stay in hotels when they visit his parents yet they have 2 spare bedrooms. and he could always clear the rooms himself!

Im not a doormat that jumps when my husband demands me to tidy the house for him because he has decided with no consultation and regards for plans that he wants to change everything and not do any of the help to prepare for this last minute changes.

I think you made quite a harsh sweeping statement there.