Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Because your first post was about compromising. He doesn't want to undermine his family wishes that's why he didn't mention the above but he has given some leeway by asking them to come another time.

I really respect your frustration as said before I would not have been happy at all if my husband had done what yours did but as things have evolved I would have noted and appreciated that he has made some efforts to compromise to come up with a reasonable solution and certainly wouldn't be holding him on that it wasn't enough.

burnoutbabe wrote: »

It sounded like the OH just said "you could also come bonfire weekend, ether is fine, let us know"

So no actual clarity on whether they may come birthday weekend or a later one.

That's exactly what he's done.

FBaby

Haha typical male response! So hinting rather then asserting himself that's the half way position! I expect the hope is they they get it and agree to delay My position at this point would be for him to chase for a final decision in a couple of day time.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Haha typical male response! So hinting rather then asserting himself that's the half way position! I expect the hope is they they get it and agree to delay My position at this point would be for him to chase for a final decision in a couple of day time.

They won't get the hint.

I actually need to plan other things sooner than that, so off home now for a serious chat with DH.

FBaby

notanewuser wrote: »

They won't get the hint.

I actually need to plan other things sooner than that, so off home now for a serious chat with DH.

Good luck hope it goes well.

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

She started on September 2nd.

Why do you assume that everybody is the same? She was at playgroup with some of the children shes now at school with. She's never once asked to see them outside of playgroup/school.

There's no reason she can't have both sets of friends. Yes, it's harder to get them together now, but thankfully my friends and I are prepared to make the effort. They are the closest thing she has to siblings.

its very early days if the children just started reception/school this month Nanu. You need to be prepared that as they get older (even once they are all in full-time school and have been for 6 months or so) they may not be so bothered with kids they don't see most of the week. I think its lovely that your DD has friends and parents of friends who do make the effort with such distances involved, but I would be very surprised if school life and all that brings with it doesn't get in the way of those frequent visits once they are all settled in school (3 weeks in doesn't really count ).

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

Why shouldn't my wishes be considered? He arranged this with no discussion with me whatsoever, forgetting what we'd already agreed!

I would have said why I thought the bonfire weekend was perhaps a better option, (having been reminded of what had been agreed).

because thats between you and your OH, thats nothing to do with your OH's family, he invited them.

balletshoes

burnoutbabe wrote: »

It sounded like the OH just said "you could also come bonfire weekend, ether is fine, let us know"

So no actual clarity on whether they may come birthday weekend or a later one.

ah I see, I didn't understand that, I thought the OH had gone back to his family and said something along the lines of "bonfire weekend would be better for us, we already have plans for birthday weekend".

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Good luck hope it goes well.

To say it didn't would be an understatement.

millysg1

notanewuser wrote: »

To say it didn't would be an understatement.

Oh no1 what happened? did he even reply to your concerns?

notanewuser

millysg1 wrote: »

Oh no1 what happened? did he even reply to your concerns?

Nope. He couldn't give a !!!!.

And worse then that he lied to me. He deliberately asked them to come down for DD's birthday with no thought for anything. They replied that they probably could if the timing of the building work fitted.

Then he said "if we were going up there for one of their birthdays, we'd stay in a hotel." Erm, exactly. So perhaps they could stay in a hotel if they're coming down for DD's birthday.

"If they stay in a hotel I'm staying there with them."

Says it all, really.