Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

millysg1

So OP, what is your current plan of action?

Mattygroves2

I can't see why the day trip can't still go ahead as it is planned for Thursday / Friday. All you need to do is say to the in laws that they are welcome to come on Friday night but you will all be out till late and that the keys are with a neighbour / your parents / under a flowerpot. They are welcome to let themselves in etc. That is what we do for friends or relatives who turn up with very little notice. We've even done it for one of my step sons when he announced on Wednesday that he was coming up for the weekend and we had got plans for the Friday night - no problems at all.

Re sleeping arrangements - could they sleep in the annex Friday night and then maybe offer them your bedroom for Saturday and then back to the annex when your friend has gone ? You then camp in your daughter's room or in the lounge for the Saturday night. If you really don't think they will come that seems to me to be the least amount of work.

Have you ever tried not cooking for them whilst they are with you ? Unless you stop running round for them they will continue to expect it.

I agree you need improve communication but I would be very upset ifI thought I couldn't invite my family over without asking my OH first or that he had to check with me before saying yes if one of his sons wanted to visit at short notice or even his parents when they were still alive. At the end of the day they are his family and you'll never get round the fact that he will love them even though their reasons may be suspect to your eyes.

lulu_92

notanewuser wrote: »

:huh:
The trip is for DD. The party is for DD. I don't do anything specific for my birthday, but I certainly don't want to be running around after other people or be completely worn out from doing so.

What that meant was that I think it was a good idea to go on a trip for DDs birthday but also because your birthday is that weekend it will be nice for you to do something low key!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do to make this weekend work and I hope you have a good time - just remember that one of you is going to have to give a bit more on this, whether as a one-off or last time or whatever, but I have a feeling it will be you.

notanewuser

millysg1 wrote: »

So OP, what is your current plan of action?

It's as it is. DH has offered the alternative weekend. He has a copy of the October calendar so that he can work out when he has time to sort things out if he wants them to stay at ours that weekend. Will speak to him later today about the theme park trip.

notanewuser

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

I can't see why the day trip can't still go ahead as it is planned for Thursday / Friday. All you need to do is say to the in laws that they are welcome to come on Friday night but you will all be out till late and that the keys are with a neighbour / your parents / under a flowerpot. They are welcome to let themselves in etc. That is what we do for friends or relatives who turn up with very little notice. We've even done it for one of my step sons when he announced on Wednesday that he was coming up for the weekend and we had got plans for the Friday night - no problems at all.

Re sleeping arrangements - could they sleep in the annex Friday night and then maybe offer them your bedroom for Saturday and then back to the annex when your friend has gone ? You then camp in your daughter's room or in the lounge for the Saturday night. If you really don't think they will come that seems to me to be the least amount of work.

Have you ever tried not cooking for them whilst they are with you ? Unless you stop running round for them they will continue to expect it.

I agree you need improve communication but I would be very upset ifI thought I couldn't invite my family over without asking my OH first or that he had to check with me before saying yes if one of his sons wanted to visit at short notice or even his parents when they were still alive. At the end of the day they are his family and you'll never get round the fact that he will love them even though their reasons may be suspect to your eyes.

Sadly we can't have anyone in the house without us for insurance reasons. (We run a business from home and have servers with client data on them. They insist that nobody is left unsupervised in the house. And no, I'm not going to rent business premises for a year just so that DH's family can come when we aren't there.)

DD's room is about 7' x 9'. It has a single bed and a wardrobe in it. There's not room for 2 adults and a child in there.


If they come on DD's birthday weekend I won't be cooking for them.

FBaby

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Its generally 3 months min for storage (or at least a months minimum).

Again, these people aren't confirmed, they may or may not come, depending on their builder so it could be a lot of expense and effort to clear 2 rooms for no actual point.

As other people are committed to travelling to this kids party, your birth friends and their kids, that should be respected and stuck to. To change it all around is not fair to them either. (adding a few more people to existing plans isn't the end of the world as long as you stick to the plans and I imagine it will branch into mums and kids in one location and him and his family in another room/gang.)

That's what I don't understand. Surely this should have been tackled in the discussion or if he walked out of the first brought up again ie. 'Ok let's look at hire we can accommodate then but before we do can you at least confirm with them that they are really coming'. Surely he wouldn't argue that this is unreasonable?

notanewuser

lulu_92 wrote: »

What that meant was that I think it was a good idea to go on a trip for DDs birthday but also because your birthday is that weekend it will be nice for you to do something low key!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do to make this weekend work and I hope you have a good time - just remember that one of you is going to have to give a bit more on this, whether as a one-off or last time or whatever, but I have a feeling it will be you.

I am already giving. It's DH that's refusing to budge. I won't be giving any more on it.

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

I think I could like them............ if they behaved like normal people!

But what's normal? To me making such a fuss over a birthday for a 4 year old isn't "normal" either, weekend away, friends coming from 160 miles away etc. Usually it's jelly and ice cream in the house at that age!! Everyone is different, you can't project your own "ways" on to other people and expect them to just go "oh, ok then"

And to the poster who said all the threads from the op ends with people turning on her, I've not seen any other posts from the op, I've not been on this board for ages, so my views are not colored by past history, I only go on what gets posted on a current thread, I very rarely remember "historic" posts anyway.

FBaby

So he has gone with your suggestion then and offered they come another time. So he has compromised fully then.

Georgiegirl256

notanewuser wrote: »

If they come on DD's birthday weekend I won't be cooking for them.

Don't cook for them, don't provide anything they should be bringing for themselves, and if they dared query it then tell them that you were just making them feel at home....after all, that's what they do to you when you go to visit them. From the sounds of it, they don't put themselves out at all, so why should you?

To those who are saying "why not hire storage?", why on earth should she? Why should the OP (and DH) have to pay out just so the inlaws can stay?