Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

burnoutbabe

But people are missing that its also the OPs birthday and what she wants to do is a visit to the theme park with her daughter and husband? Which had already been arranged,

I'd also be hacked off if in laws were invited along which meant all plans potentially had to be changed and I could not go away as planned for my birthday. AND at the same time, they weren't even 100% sure they would bother coming.

FBaby

Well what is missing then is why your husband seems so strong headed about the situation. In sure he is overall a reasonable person so why does he seems to see the whole situation so differently to you? Have tout spoken about it again since you first posted? Surely that would be the first step to move forward towards reaching a compromise.

lulu_92

victory wrote: »

See the thing is because of your dislike of your in laws all the posts suggesting things are going to be dismissed and not taken on board.

There is no fun just war, if you liked them the effort to empty the rooms could either be done together, with some friends helping or some paid help, if it was important enough you would get over the lame excuses and deal with them.

If it's because they never feed you you could ask them to bring along x, y, so as it's not your sole cost.

The fun and excitement of their visit is missing so bad it's just anger, resentment, just negatives.

I think this is bang on. You could make it quite easy for yourselves with the suggestions not only in this post, but in the whole thread. I feel that it is your reluctance to have them over in general which is stopping you from doing this. It's almost like you want them to know how much effort you have put in to accommodate them which, to an extent, isn't a bad thing. If you're going to do it [(not saying you are, it's a hypothetical outcome) don't make yourself a martyr and acting that it's the hardest thing in the world to do. Yes it is a pita but like someone else said, in the time you have been arguing with strangers online and dismissing every suggestion that has been given to you, you probably could have sorted the annexe out twice.

(Also, regarding the storage idea, could you not have hired one for this week?)

burnoutbabe wrote: »

But people are missing that its also the OPs birthday and what she wants to do is a visit to the theme park with her daughter and husband? Which had already been arranged,

I think people aren't paying attention to it because she said she doesn't celebrate her birthday and doesn't draw attention to it. Of course that doesn't mean that everyone in her life should act like it's a normal day, but if you openly say that you are not bothered about your birthday and then a few posts later use it as a reason not to compromise I think it's a tad contradictory.

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I don't dislike them. I don't understand them!

Please explain how you think I'm not compromising here.

And they probably don't understand you!

burnoutbabe

lulu_92 wrote: »

(Also, regarding the storage idea, could you not have hired one for this week?)

Its generally 3 months min for storage (or at least a months minimum).

Again, these people aren't confirmed, they may or may not come, depending on their builder so it could be a lot of expense and effort to clear 2 rooms for no actual point.

As other people are committed to travelling to this kids party, your birth friends and their kids, that should be respected and stuck to. To change it all around is not fair to them either. (adding a few more people to existing plans isn't the end of the world as long as you stick to the plans and I imagine it will branch into mums and kids in one location and him and his family in another room/gang.)

millysg1

lulu_92 wrote: »

I think people aren't paying attention to it because she said she doesn't celebrate her birthday and doesn't draw attention to it. Of course that doesn't mean that everyone in her life should act like it's a normal day, but if you openly say that you are not bothered about your birthday and then a few posts later use it as a reason not to compromise I think it's a tad contradictory.

Just because you don't do anything special for your birthday or want everyone singing you happy birthday and giving you cake (which is what I read when she says she doesn't celebrate nor wants to draw attention), that doesn't mean she wants to be running around after OH family for the weekend.

Im the same as the OP when it comes to my birthday but what I want is a relaxed day enjoying the day with my OH, no cleaning or cooking for the day.

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

And they probably don't understand you!

Oh, they absolutely don't. But I spent at least 8 years trying and got nowhere. I don't actually need to understand them, or for them to understand me!

lulu_92

Ahh, burnoutbabe I've never used them so it was a genuine wonder, wasn't aware there was a minimum term, but I would have suggested OP and her parents go halves for a bit

millysg1 wrote: »

Just because you don't do anything special for your birthday or want everyone singing you happy birthday and giving you cake (which is what I read when she says she doesn't celebrate nor wants to draw attention), that doesn't mean she wants to be running around after OH family for the weekend.

Im the same as the OP when it comes to my birthday but what I want is a relaxed day enjoying the day with my OH, no cleaning or cooking for the day.

I was just explaining why people weren't mentioning it in their posts.

Of course I wouldn't want to be running around after inlaws either, but to say "I don't celebrate my birthday, it's all about DDs day" and then add "but it's my birthday too" it just stuck out to me. I think the trip for her and DDs birthdays is a great idea but it's that sudden attitude shift that bothered me.

notanewuser

lulu_92 wrote: »

I think this is bang on. You could make it quite easy for yourselves with the suggestions not only in this post, but in the whole thread. I feel that it is your reluctance to have them over in general which is stopping you from doing this. It's almost like you want them to know how much effort you have put in to accommodate them which, to an extent, isn't a bad thing. If you're going to do it [(not saying you are, it's a hypothetical outcome) don't make yourself a martyr and acting that it's the hardest thing in the world to do. Yes it is a pita but like someone else said, in the time you have been arguing with strangers online and dismissing every suggestion that has been given to you, you probably could have sorted the annexe out twice.

The annexe is sorted. It's always sorted.

I've no issue with the other rooms getting sorted so long as I don't need to be involved! If DH doesn't want to do that, then he can make alternative (hotel?) arrangements with them.

notanewuser

lulu_92 wrote: »

Ahh, burnoutbabe I've never used them so it was a genuine wonder, wasn't aware there was a minimum term, but I would have suggested OP and her parents go halves for a bit



I was just explaining why people weren't mentioning it in their posts.

Of course I wouldn't want to be running around after inlaws either, but to say "I don't celebrate my birthday, it's all about DDs day" and then add "but it's my birthday too" it just stuck out to me. I think the trip for her and DDs birthdays is a great idea but it's that sudden attitude shift that bothered me.

:huh:
The trip is for DD. The party is for DD. I don't do anything specific for my birthday, but I certainly don't want to be running around after other people or be completely worn out from doing so.