Tired of arguments

Pollycat

steveouk wrote: »

She is overweight.

She has some sort of frustration with me where she snaps at me for the smallest things, and I am like ok hang on a min don't jump down my throat.
She is a good cook but wont cook. and does not do romantic meals ever. Finances are split with bills going out of a joint account that we both pay half of what goes out. food and petrol split equal when I am home and she suits herself when I am away - we don't have kids if we did I would contribute while I was away.

Is she trying to lose weight?

If she is, do you think you are supporting her adequately?

Why won't she cook?
What does she eat when you're away for long periods?

Do you both earn similar wages?

steveouk

She earns more than me but not a huge amount more, when I am away I spend very little so that helps!!
She eats different food to me when I am away and she can cook things I like but she wont do a special meal although she can cook nice things like beef wellington she would not do it for me.
I have supported her with losing weight but she will not do exercise at the moment which is not good as although yes I agree you can lose weight by changing what you eat I think it is healthy to take exercise regardless of weight. She also sabotages things by eating cakes etc. She wants to lose weight but I end up doing all the planning for the meals and the shopping and cooking. in actual fact I would not mind doing the shopping and cooking if she did the work of doing the meal planning. I plan a meal and she says she does not want it when it gets to the day of making it - I say oh I am doing ...for diner ..oh you do that a lot cant we have something different...erm well we could if you said that before I went shopping or helped me plan!


Yes I am frustrated and sad. And it makes me feel small and more fed up when she says I am in a mood when I am not. I say no I am not in a mood I am just tired and need a bit of quiet time. She then just keeps on at me and I then shout and say I am in a mood now as I have asked you to do something and you have just argued with me and I am just fed up. or she has just spent so long saying I am in a mood I come out and say yes then she just throws everything back at me...nothing is ever her fault, well you should have done that better, thought about it more etc etc. well often I do but we are all human and I miss or forget something.

Pollycat

steveouk wrote: »

She earns more than me but not a huge amount more, when I am away I spend very little so that helps!!
She eats different food to me when I am away and she can cook things I like but she wont do a special meal although she can cook nice things like beef wellington she would not do it for me.
I have supported her with losing weight but she will not do exercise at the moment which is not good as although yes I agree you can lose weight by changing what you eat I think it is healthy to take exercise regardless of weight. She also sabotages things by eating cakes etc. She wants to lose weight but I end up doing all the planning for the meals and the shopping and cooking. in actual fact I would not mind doing the shopping and cooking if she did the work of doing the meal planning. I plan a meal and she says she does not want it when it gets to the day of making it - I say oh I am doing ...for diner ..oh you do that a lot cant we have something different...erm well we could if you said that before I went shopping or helped me plan!

TBH, she sounds like she's hell-bent on not doing what you ask her to do and is being as awkward as she can possibly be.

I wonder why?

steveouk wrote: »

Yes I am frustrated and sad. And it makes me feel small and more fed up when she says I am in a mood when I am not. I say no I am not in a mood I am just tired and need a bit of quiet time. She then just keeps on at me and I then shout and say I am in a mood now as I have asked you to do something and you have just argued with me and I am just fed up. or she has just spent so long saying I am in a mood I come out and say yes then she just throws everything back at me...nothing is ever her fault, well you should have done that better, thought about it more etc etc. well often I do but we are all human and I miss or forget something.

You sound very unhappy in this relationship.
She seems to want to call all the shots.

Mojisola

steveouk wrote: »

I have invested so much time in this and try to make it work but everything I do seems to be wrong.

That's because you married the wrong person.

You have a picture of how a married couple should behave - did you think your GF would suddenly change her ways when she became your wife?

You need to get out of this destructive relationship and find someone who is the kind of person you want to spend your life with - not try to change your wife into the person you think she should be.

Errata

It would be sensible for the pair of you to get all your ducks in a row before you indulge in this

we are hoping to try for a child after a house move next year.

steveouk

she says she wants compromise but I feel that the compromise is on her terms. There are things I am willing to compromise on and there are things I feel I have already compromised on that she does not appreciate.


I have said to her we need to each write things down and go somewhere outside the house to discuss things. then come to an agreement about what are the problems and how we will tackle them.


I know that she is going to say that she is going to say she compromises with me and that I have a depression problem that I am working through but trying to come out the light at the end of the tunnel and not getting the support I need from her is very hard. I feel I have compromised and we have a boring love life without going into details.


She will say that its hard me being away and also living away from both sets of parents and I wish we did not live so far away from them and that I could change my job to be normal but that will take time and it is a good wage at the moment so need to stay for a while to help pay off debts and get money aside for buying an house.


I know it is not great me working away for long periods and neither of us like it but I don't feel its fair that I should then come home and be taken advantage of. I fully accept that I should do my fair share say 80% of the work at home when I am on my time off but its when I get no thanks for it or I end up doing 95% that I get worn out and fed up.

lostinrates

I think you both sound unhappy.

I remember thinking the same last time.

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

It would be sensible for the pair of you to get all your ducks in a row before you indulge in this

It's awful to think of a child being brought into a household like this.

Pollycat

I've just had a quick look at some of your other threads as you mentioned them earlier.

Is she unhappy in the place you are currently living?
I would not - under any circumstances - consider buying a house with her until you have this sorted out.

Whose idea was it to move to a totally different area?
Could she be lonely and missing friends/family?
Has she made friends in your new area?

Presumably she got another job.
Maybe she is struggling to cope with it? Or isn't gelling with the other staff?

There must (or at least should) be a reason for how she is behaving, you need to find out what it is.

If there is no reason, she's just behaving badly and if I were you, I'd think long and hard if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.

steveouk

Errata wrote: »

It would be sensible for the pair of you to get all your ducks in a row before you indulge in this

Where did I say about trying for a baby? in a previous thread?!