Tired of arguments

lazer

SavingPennies wrote: »

Perhaps she is lonely as you are working away so much, then feels put out that when you come back you nag her about the mess (although I undertand as a tidy person it can get you down and be frustrating) rather than enjoying time together.

You also mention cooking, eating out, and food shopping in a lot of your posts which I find a bit odd. Are you in the military? Or working somewhere where you have meals provided for you at regular times? This seems to be a real sticking point for both of you.

I was going to stay the same. I know I am lonely when my OH is away and when he is away, I keep myself very busy, at the gym every night, visiting friends, weekends away with friends. In fact I do so much that I'm generally exhausted by the time OH comes home, that all I want to do is lie on the sofa and relax.


However it I don't keep myself busy, I start feeling down about how much OH is away and how much I miss him - I need to keep busy.

emmaj30

Hi steve im sorry to hear about your situation.. It does seem that you are stuck in a rut where every night you are coming home doing all the dinner while she sits down on the couch. You need to be honest with each other and say what you both want.. Plus when you are in town you need to find a decent hobby together and start having fun..


I know its hard but to have to continue this the rest of your life you will start to resent each other.

Pollycat

emmaj30 wrote: »

Hi steve im sorry to hear about your situation.. It does seem that you are stuck in a rut where every night you are coming home doing all the dinner while she sits down on the couch. You need to be honest with each other and say what you both want.. Plus when you are in town you need to find a decent hobby together and start having fun..


I know its hard but to have to continue this the rest of your life you will start to resent each other.

The OP is at home all day.

He works away for months and then has 3 months off.

It's not like he's working 9-6 and then cooking the dinner when he gets home after a full day at work.

*max*

It sounds like there is absolutely no passion in your relationship, not for each other, not for anything really! Even the arguments are passionless, with neither of you being assertive in any way. It's a like a wet blanket of a marriage.

From what you've written, it sounds like she doesn't love you. And you don't love her either.

I don't know if marriage counselling could be useful, as people have to want to save the relationship. It doesn't sound like either of you do at present. What a sad state of affairs. I feel for you, I do, but you can't continue living like this, for your sanity.

You need a frank discussion, and not to leave the table until you have answers. You need to establish what either of you want. I wish you luck, because at the moment it sounds like an awful way to live.

Pollycat

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I remember your last thread Steveo.

You two seem a real bad match, like you don't even LIKE each other and getting wed was like throwing glitter on dog sh/1t

Oh dear! That's a pretty dire expression.
But one that I would find hard to argue with to describe the OP's marriage based on what he's said about it.

kitrat

I agree that I think there must be two sides to this story. I think maybe you are putting a little too much pressure on her when she works full time. I noticed you said you'd like her to wash up her breakfast things straight away, do you think perhaps if she's on her way to work she doesn't have the time? I know I never do, they always get done when I get home in the evening and I'd be pretty miffed if someone who had nowhere to be in the next hour was trying to tell me what I ought to be doing. And maybe she's too knackered from work in the evening to do anything? It does sound in places that she's being a bit badly behaved but maybe she's rebelling at what she sees to be an excessively nagging attitude.

caringa

millysg1 wrote: »

Sounds awful and i can see why you would get upset. Am i right in thinking you work away for long stints and she is left to take care of things herself?

She obviously has gotten into a routine that she is stuck in that doesnt suit yours at all. What happens to cleaning and tidying when your away? does it just stay as a pig sty?

I think the only thing you can do is sit her down, tell her your not happy with the relationship anymore, and unless things change soon you wont be hanging around much longer. As from your posts that sounds like where you have gotten.

And to belittle you so much as well, there isnt a lot of respect for you!

I totally agree! Your wife is making you quite depressed by the sounds of it and personally I think you want to spell things out to her clearly ie either she takes notice of what you have to say and agrees to compromise or else you will be leaving. Nothing is going to change unless she agrees to this and you could end up being made quite ill by it all. The only positive aspect that I can see is that you havent got children to bring into the equation - then it would make life a lot more difficult. I do feel for you and hope that she will see sense. Whatever you do, dont just give in and let her walk all over you as this will not help in the long term.


Keep you chin up!

freshstart11

I must say I would be very interested to hear the wifes point of view, I feel there would be a strong sense of a man who nags and pressures...

FBaby

It sounds like you both have different approaches to essentiel aspect of a marriage. To make it worse, you seem more focussed on trying to make the other adjust to their way then trying to appreciate where the other might be coming from. I am not sure there really is much compromise on either side and it is leaving you to get into arguments about quite petty things.

What is worrying is that you would be in this position so early on in your marriage. You sound totally uncompatible and as it has been said, there doesn't seem to be much love for each other to encourage either of you to make a real effort.

The only chance you have to save your marriage is if you stop concentrating on what you do for her and she doesn't do back and she does the same, so that you finally start considering the needs of each other rather than your own.

PennySaving

Hi Steve, I don't post very often but I have been reading your thread with great interest. It seems that both of you have no passion or willingness to be in a relationship together anymore. It must be heartbreaking to want to talk and have your wife say "what do you want". I don't know how long you have been married and how old you both are but I think you should both call it a day.

To live a life of existence is hell on earth. We are only here for a short time and you should make it a good time. You have everything going for you, a good job, good clean habits and an ability to communicate when allowed. (As you have done so here). The greatest asset as I see it at present is that you have no children. You could make a good clean break. Is your financial situation together the reason for living this life of drudgery? Best wishes.