Why should I have children???

roobee13

Rev wrote: »

And also, as others have said. The world is overpopulated as it is. And I personally don't think the world is a nice place to live. So there's is zero reason why I feel I should add to the overpopulation and force a child to live in a world I myself don't like very much.

I'll stick to dogs thanks. They don't screech 'mum' every three seconds. Cry at the drop of a hat. Have tantrums and make demands.


I see all the things my friends have to do in order to have children. Sacrifice holidays (unless they am afford to take he kids too), every day out is at a zoo or some other child oriented place. Every time we eat out it has to be somewhere that allows kids and has a kids menu. Everything and anything has to be arranged and catered around the kids. And I don't mind because I love their kids. I love spending time with their kids and spoiling then when I can. I also love that I can say 'bye'. Come home and not have to worry if uniforms are washed or lunches are packed then have a fight with a 4 year old who doesn't want to get changed for bed or wash their teeth or go to bed.

I know it sounds harsh but it all just sounds so incredibly boring.


I have a cousin who doesn't want kids either. No maternal instinct at all.


So, no. You're not strange for not wanting kids. We may be in the minority but it's perfectly normal.


I do feel incredibly sad for those who do really want children and can't have them for whatever reason. It must be awful being in that situation and living in a world where every other chav pops out a few sprogs to get benefits and not have to work. When there are people out there who would genuinely love children, have planned for them to find they can't have them. That must be awful.

Yes to all of this!!

I'm 30 and have never been maternal, I understand I might change my mind but I'm pretty sure if I've got this far without wanting kids then that's my true feelings.

I was with someone for over 9 years (from 18 to nearly 28) who wanted kids, and I genuinely think he thought I'd change my mind, depsite me being clear from the start. I broke up with him for various other reasons but his (and his family's) nagging to have kids was a big factor. It is truly horrible to have pressure put on you all the time.

I have 2 dogs who I love to bits, a fab nephew and a god-daughter. I feel this is enough for me! I too struggle though as all my friends have kids and everything has to planned round them, which is sometimes a bit frustrating.

I've been with my OH for nearly 2 years now and we're pretty certain we don't want kids. He's also nearly 40 and although I know men have a bit more leeway than women, I do think they also have a cut off point. I just really like our lifestyle and the thought of our lives revolving around a baby just doesn't appeal to us. I also agree with another poster who said they don't want their relationship to change. I have a friend who's husband has turned into a complete w*nker (excuse my french) since they've had a baby and their relationship is very much on the rocks.

My advice to you OP is to stay true to your feelings and don't be pressured into doing something you really don't want to do. If you change your mind, great, if you don't, also great! You may just need some firm chats with your OH. Good luck

LandyAndy

Linda32 wrote: »

I am 42 my OH is 45, We have been together since I was 16. I knew he never wanted children and I was never bothered one way or the other.


I have been very very carful with contraception as well. The pill at first and if I forgot followed the 7 day rule. Then injections when I kept on forgetting and now the implant.

Ever heard of a vasectomy?

catkins

Armchair23 wrote: »

Another perspective from me, I didn't want kids AT ALL but my partner did very badly. We had two who I absolutely adore and wouldn't be without - now grown ups.
But I still 'don't want kids' and would have been perfectly happy to be child free.
So this was a compromise I was prepared to make and it's brought me a lot of pleasure and love as well as a loss of freedom and personal fulfillment in other ways.

It worked for you and that's great but to have children if you don't want them just because your partner does is a risky thing to do. I know two couples where one didn't want children but the other did. In both cases they had children but things didn't end happily for them and they ended up divorced. In one case it was the woman who didn't want children but her husband did so she agreed but she was very unhappy and ended up walking out and leaving her husband and child

PenguinOfDeath

Yes, having kids does seem to be the default position for those who aren't sure, whether this is down to fear of regret, peer pressure or whatever.

I know of at least two couples who did have kids when 'not bothered either way' and say now if they'd had their time again they would have remained child free and wish they'd have been as confident in their misgivings.

catkins

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

Yes, having kids does seem to be the default position for those who aren't sure, whether this is down to fear of regret, peer pressure or whatever.

I know of at least two couples who did have kids when 'not bothered either way' and say now if they'd had their time again they would have remained child free and wish they'd have been as confident in their misgivings.

I would far rather regret not having children (not that I do) than having them.


Over the years quite a few women and men with children have said as much as they love their children if they could go back in time they would not have any

VestanPance

I love when this topic arises that the for/against people always have fantastic anecdotal evidence to support their stance, rather than just having that stance!

System

I got moaned at when I have been asked did I want kids and I said no.

I don't like kids, not the mothering sort of woman etc.

newcook

My step-sister had always been adamant that she didn’t want kids and neither did her ex husband – however, over the years (and especially when they divorced) she gradually changed her mind. She is still adamant that she doesn’t want the whole pregnancy thing or deal with babies so instead is currently going through the screening process for adopting a 5/6 year old. I think she is 41

vroombroom

I had my son 3 years ago and was never maternal (he was a happy accident:D). I love the bones of him, would die for him etc etc but definitely don't want anymore!

roobee13

catkins wrote: »

I would far rather regret not having children (not that I do) than having them.


Over the years quite a few women and men with children have said as much as they love their children if they could go back in time they would not have any

Agreed. It is a massive decision that I think some people take too lightly. Unlike a pair of shoes, you can't take a baby back if it doesn't fit!

Sadly I think a lot of people (especially 25+ years ago) had kids because they felt they had to. As a woman, I feel very lucky to live in an age where I have so many choices and options in life. Although for some motherhood is still seen as the be all and end all of achievements, aargh.

I really hope OP and her OH can work through this and decide what's best for both of them.