Why should I have children???

Gavin83

Armchair23 wrote: »

Another perspective from me, I didn't want kids AT ALL but my partner did very badly. We had two who I absolutely adore and wouldn't be without - now grown ups.
But I still 'don't want kids' and would have been perfectly happy to be child free.
So this was a compromise I was prepared to make and it's brought me a lot of pleasure and love as well as a loss of freedom and personal fulfillment in other ways.
Everyone has a different take on this and how you feel can change over time. So while I totally respect women's choice to be sterilised early in their life I also think you need to understand that you may change your mind and that isn't always a bad thing.
I hope you find a happy outcome with or without children.

What made you change your mind then?

Edwardia

If you don't want children, please don't be pressured into it by other people. If you don't want to be a mother, that's fine, nothing wrong with that.

I worked as a nanny for awhile and looking after kids is hard work. I could hand them back at the end of the day, parents are responsible for the horrors (and many are) 24/7 for at least sixteen years if not longer.

I never wanted to be one of those school gate mothers who introduces themselves: "Hi, I'm Scarlett's mother" as if motherhood had subsumed their identity.

If boyfriend is blithely saying "oh you'll change your mind" he's relying on your biological clock alarm going off or you feeling left out when friends are procreating. He may also be sticking his head in the sand.

OH was introduced to me by a mutual friend (although we had met once years before and didn't realise for ages) and I walked into the village hotel to find she'd disappeared with beau and he was the messenger. We sat and talked for the rest of the evening about all sorts of things including what we wanted in a relationship - without having any intention of getting into one ourselves. But that was really helpful when we did, later on.

Deciding to have a child or your own or adopting, is not like buying a car or painting the bedroom pink. It's a huge decision.

The question, horrible though it is, is whether having a child is more important to him than being with someone who loves him and that's something only he can answer.

PenguinOfDeath

Armchair23 wrote: »

But I still 'don't want kids' and would have been perfectly happy to be child free.
So this was a compromise I was prepared to make and it's brought me a lot of pleasure and love as well as a loss of freedom and personal fulfillment in other ways.

This for me is what I meant that earlier in the thread about an ingrained belief. For me, there wouldn't be room for a compromise, just as for example if a partner would want me to convert religion so I could be with them. I couldn't do it, but everyone is different.

Gavin83

Edwardia wrote: »

Deciding to have a child or your own or adopting, is not like buying a car or painting the bedroom pink. It's a huge decision.

Having a child is probably the only thing in life that you can't change once you've gone through with it, once it's done your kinda stuck. There is also committing a serious crime, that is also kind of irreversible.

catkins

Gavin83 wrote: »

The world would be a screwed up place if no one had children. They are necessary.

Depends on your point of view. As I see it, humans have messed up this planet big time. If we died out would it be such a big deal? At least animals wouldn't have their habitat destroyed or become extinct because of us. So no to me children are not necessary

Gavin83

catkins wrote: »

Depends on your point of view. As I see it, humans have messed up this planet big time. If we died out would it be such a big deal? At least animals wouldn't have their habitat destroyed or become extinct because of us. So no to me children are not necessary

I actually meant from a human point of view rather than the general world. Without children being born the human race would be pretty screwed. Initially it would probably actually be better off but after 40/50 years things would grind to a halt. Children aren't needed as such but the adults they turn into certainly are.

The planet itself would be much better off without people.

coolcait

Edwardia wrote: »

...
I never wanted to be one of those school gate mothers who introduces themselves: "Hi, I'm Scarlett's mother" as if motherhood had subsumed their identity.

....

That's not necessarily a sign that a person's identity has been subsumed by motherhood.


It's much more likely that it's being used as a introductory shorthand - in a way which is appropriate for the circumstances.


At the school gate I'd probably introduce myself as "Cait - Scarlett's mother".


In the same way that, at work, I will introduce myself as "Cait from 'x' division", or "I'm Cait - I work with Edward", or "I'm Cait, I'm the lead developer on ...". Depending on the circumstances.

BritAbroad

I'm in my late 30s and happily child free. OH and I have been together for almost 20 years - neither of us ever wanted kids. I do remember a few heavy-duty conversations whilst we were teenagers where we decided that yes, we wanted to be married and no, we didn't want kids.

Life isn't perfect but childfreedom is not something we've ever regretted. It can be tough though during the years when all your friends seem to be popping out kids. In my experience, people disappear into a baby bubble for about 2 years for each child. They don't want to know about your life, they don't want to socialise without their kids. They push you away and then when they're ready to resume a social life (on their terms) they'll expect you to be ready and waiting for them, and often get upset if you've moved on. I wish I could say that was a one-off but unfortunately it's not. It can be a tough few years as the friendships disappear which makes a strong relationship with your partner even more important.

Your reasons for not wanting kids sounds perfectly sensible to me. I myself don't want them primarily because kids, including those of my friends, just bore me to death. I find them intensely irritating and if I meet a group of people and one brings their baby I hate the way that conversation always ends up revolving around the baby to the detriment of everyone else.

I also have major concerns about overpopulation and the constant demand on resources. The thought of adding more pressure to the planet makes me deeply uncomfortable.

moneyistooshorttomention

Gavin83 wrote: »

I actually meant from a human point of view rather than the general world. Without children being born the human race would be pretty screwed. Initially it would probably actually be better off but after 40/50 years things would grind to a halt. Children aren't needed as such but the adults they turn into certainly are.

Now wondering why it would matter if things "ground to a halt"? Admitted, those people who were youngest at the time The Big Halt started (ie children stopped being born) would have to carry on working indefinitely. Otherwise, public transport would stop working and necessary goods wouldn't be available to buy etc, so there would probably be "ructions" about whether the work that's actually necessary was going to get divided up more fairly between people (rather than some working part-time or not at all, whilst others had to continue working full-time). But an awful lot of work done currently isn't necessary and is more a case of "reinventing the wheel" and "making work" in order to keep your own personal little job as long as you required it (I've seen an awful lot of that going on, rather than doing "real work").

Then, when that generation died off that would be that. But that wouldn't matter at all if there weren't any people left on Earth.

Back on topic, I heaved a sigh of relief on OP's behalf that they aren't going to be swayed by emotions of other people. OP will be too logical to be influenced by others (that's the plus side of Alzheimers I would think) and that makes her safe from having children just because others want her to. Looking from outside OP, I would imagine you are quite safe from getting caught up in babymaking fever, consumer goodie buying fever, war-fighting fever - all those things that I keep noticing other people getting caught up in. I can certainly see the advantages for you of having Alzheimers put like that. YOU will be in charge of your own life...as much as any of us can be.

Errata

OP will be too logical to be influenced by others (that's the plus side of Alzheimers I would think)

There is NO plus side to Alzheimers.