Why should I have children???

LilElvis

Person_one wrote: »

Yes, technically you might change your mind, but you're 27 and loved up, I suspect if you were going to ever be broody it would have happened by now.

I only decided that I did want children in my late 30s and started 'trying' at 38. I was never 'broody' and never interested in babies. The only baby who has ever stirred anything in me is my daughter.

Newlyboughthouse

meer53 wrote: »

So you're living in the hope he will change, and he's living in the hope that you will change ?

As said above, I know I need to give the dreaded chat another attempt.

meer53 wrote: »

If it were me, i would sort this out before complicating things with building your dream home. This is far more important.

Again - context/problem with forums and lack of full picture. Dream home is a dream a looonnnngggg way off into future. I own this home by myself and can't even think about beginning that till I've paid mortgage on this and saved up for the dream.

meer53 wrote: »

I currently have a teenager and my son is now 27, neither give me cause to worry I count my blessings every day.

Happy for you - motherhood has clearly been the right choice for you

meer53

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

As said above, I know I need to give the dreaded chat another attempt.



Again - context/problem with forums and lack of full picture. Dream home is a pipe dream and a looonnnngggg way off into future. I own this home by myself and can't even think about beginning that till I've paid mortgage on this and saved up for the dream.



Happy for you - motherhood has clearly been the right choice for you

Hope it all works out for you Please don't cut ties with your friend, she's just happy with her baby. One day, when said baby is being an absolute PITA you can be there for her :rotfl:

Newlyboughthouse

meer53 wrote: »

Hope it all works out for you Please don't cut ties with your friend, she's just happy with her baby. One day, when said baby is being an absolute PITA you can be there for her :rotfl:

I know I know.... she just seems to have this sense of being better than everyone else now, even accusing her sister of being jealous of her (she is so not and has an amazing life herself). Also seems to only want to associate with other friends who also have babies.

catkins

I am 60 (OH a few years younger) and have been married over 30 years. We decided to remain childfree for various reasons but not because neither of us like children. More reasons to do with overpopulation, not thinking this world is a nice place to bring children into, not wanting our happiness and love for each other changed in any way etc, we could not have afforded for me to give up work as I was the higher earner by quite a lot and no way would I have worked if I had children.


Neither of us have ever regretted and think we definitely made the right decision. Most of our friends have divorced (quite a few more than once) and most of them say their problems started when children came along. Also a lot of our friends have had problems with their children (taking drugs, getting into trouble with the police, 2 going to prison, getting pregnant young, getting a girl pregnant etc). I am a big worrier and would not have wanted all the worry over any children.


You do need to sit down and talk it through and if you think you are likely to decide for definite not to have children you must make sure your OH realises this.


When me and OH met I was mid 20's and I had always thought I would have children (in fact wanted at least 4!) but when we decided to get married we talked about children (OH wasn't sure if he wanted them or not) and the more we talked the more we decided they were not for us. Shortly after getting married we had a scare when I thought I was pregnant and we both just felt sick about it so decided to make sure we could not have any. OH went private for a vasectomy at 25.

meer53

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I know I know.... she just seems to have this sense of being better than everyone else now, even accusing her sister of being jealous of her (she is so not and has an amazing life herself). Also seems to only want to associate with other friends who also have babies.

Don't worry, she'll change !

I love my kids to bits but i also love being without them once in a while. Preferably a week on a beach in a hot country.

PlymouthMaid

I think you are kind of wasting your time too in a way as he will leave you anyway if he really wants children. I know you are young but if it were me I would cut ties now and form a new relationship hopefully with a man who does not want children (although beware as at your age most men do not but many change their minds later. Or, you have been clear with him and he is currently making the choice to be with you ... you could continue enjoying this relationship knowing that it probably has a shelf life of only a few more years and hope to end it before it gets mentally exhausting as he tries to change your mind.

Goldiegirl

Chezcat wrote: »

I am 54 and have never wanted children, no maternal instinct at all and my partner of 35 years feels the same way. We have received comments over the years about who will look after us when we are old but that is no reason to have kids plus its no guarantee that they will help you out anyway. We are all different, some love parenthood and some do not. You must do what you feel is right for you.

I was going to reply to this thread, but you've said exactly what I would have said, including the age and length of time you've been with your partner


Even from the earliest age, I never imagined that I'd have children - it's something that has never held any interest for me whatsoever.


At 54, I have no regrets, and I'm happy that we've lived the life we wanted, and will continue to do so

System

As long as you don't give him false hope about having kids I would have thought it was down to him to leave you rather you leave him.

Person_one

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I would be gutted, but would understand. It would be a massive upheaval and we would have to share custody of the dog, and he would want to move out. It would be emotionally and practically difficult. But I love him so I would 'let him go' so to speak.

Don't get the dog yet.