Why should I have children???

Errata

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

This is certainly the easier answer for me. He is such a lovely man and I love him with all my heart. I just worry he is so laid back and doesn't really look into the future too seriously that he isn't taking what I have said to him seriously enough. Another chat required - asking him to think honestly whether he thinks he'll change my mind OR if he loves me so much that he's willing to be with me even though I don't want children.

If he's incapable of taking a serious look at the future you'd be foolish to consider building a 'dream house' with him or taking on the responsibility of dog ownership.

moneyistooshorttomention

He'd be very far from unusual for not looking into the future too much actually. Those of us that do so would have to forego contact with the vast majority of the human race if we only had relationships with people who look appropriately into the future and plan accordingly.

I do look into the future personally and by quite some way, but this is not the norm as far as I can see at all.

Most people seem to bury their heads in the sand to a certain extent. The only question is whether the timespan they are looking at is just Today, just This Week, just This Month through to (if you're lucky) they think as far as 5 years ahead. Most people wing it and just hope things will turn out as required.

I've never forgotten the young teenager I met once that told me his exact plans for the rest of his life and that's probably how its turned out for him too:rotfl:, but he was very much a one-off.

PenguinOfDeath

I'll admit I'm one of the lucky ones who has no maternal instinct whatsoever and has a partner who has no interest in kids.

I was actually the one who brought the subject up, and on his part it was a sort of 'thank god you said it first' kind of situation.

If he did have different views then I would be clear on the situation and it would be up to him if it was a deal breaker or not. It's an ingrained belief for me just like a culture or religion.

Hopefully he wouldn't be one of those who believe every woman will someday have this internal alarm telling you must procreate NOW before its too late...

Newlyboughthouse

Errata wrote: »

If he's incapable of taking a serious look at the future you'd be foolish to consider building a 'dream house' with him or taking on the responsibility of dog ownership.

That's the problem with these forums - you can't give people an absolutely clear picture of the situation.

That's soooo not how it is or what I meant at all. He is entirely responsible and predictable - but at the same time he doesn't worry about the future in the same way that I do.

moneyistooshorttomention

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

Hopefully he wouldn't be one of those who believe every woman will someday have this internal alarm telling you must procreate NOW before its too late...

That IS something that needs to be quite clearly established by OP. It's astonishing how many people believe that they will have what they want just because they want it and will delude themselves into believing it will happen that way.

He may well be telling himself this.

greenval

Another one who never wanted children ,now 55 I've never regretted my decision for a second. I knew even from my teens it wasn't for me.

Newlyboughthouse

greenval wrote: »

Another one who never wanted children ,now 55 I've never regretted my decision for a second. I knew even from my teens it wasn't for me.

Yay go you! Have you been with same partner who made same decision or have you had to give the old heave-ho to be kind?

Horseunderwater

Just to give a slightly different aspect - I have been morbidly obese for many years, never thought I would meet a bloke who liked me, but I did & I did have one child, but no more. She'll be 19 in January & is off to Uni vey shortly. She has told me that she does not want her own kids, but wants to adopt some. I'm happy for her to do what makes her happy. I also had a work colleague in the 80's, who got married & both of them decided that they wanted the fun stuff in life, but no kids. Everyone is different & if you truly do not want one - then don't. No one but you & a partner can decide what is right for you both. You could tell him that you're thinking of being steralised & then see how he reaxts. Good luck etc.

southoftheriver

I really really want kids. It's very important to me and I couldn't be with someone who didn't want the same. There is absolutely nothing unfeminine or unwomanly about you because you don't. People can be naive and ignorant but you stick to your guns if thats the way you feel. I think that sitting down with your partner and trying to make him realise you won't change your mind is very wise. Good luck.

LilElvis

Of course there is a possibility that you will change your mind. I did, but even then was only 100% sure when I was left devastated after an early miscarriage. I then spent several more years of trying, without success, and ultimately went through several emotionally and financially costly rounds of IVF before I had my daughter at age 43. As a positive we were more financially secure when we had her - when she was 2 weeks old we went to the bank and paid off the balance of our mortgage, bar a couple of thousand to keep our options open. I've also been lucky enough that we could afford for me to stay at home with her in her early years and am now starting to think about what I want to do regarding my career as she starts school in a week.

Just thought that it might add a different slant to hear from someone who was also, at your age, totally convinced that motherhood was the last thing I wanted from life but subsequently had a change of heart.