Why should I have children???

zarf2007

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I have to respond to this because (at least in my case) it is utterly untrue.

Most of my old friends are child free..some through choice, and a couple through circumstance/bad choices in men etc, so really I am the odd one out.

I do everything I can to make sure I see them regularly, but sometimes it just isn't possible to drop everything at a moments notice..much as I'd love to!

I have 2 kids under 4, and believe me, it isn't because I am only interested in my kids activities and shut anything else out. I would love a night in the pub or a holiday where I can lie by a pool and eat a meal in peace, but I can't. On the flip side I love being a mum, and I love my children but I also love being me..it's just not often you get a chance to do that if you choose to have kids.

So my choice yes..but don't think that every woman who has a child wants to immerse herself if baby-talk, playgroups and 'mummy talk' because they don't! My childfree friends are a lifeline sometimes when I just crave talking about other things!

Then you must be the exception because I've known many couples who once a baby comes along seem to act like they're extras from the stepford wives.

And tbh as you have mentioned, even if you want to you are severely limited by your kids when trying to socialise, so like it or not have you not disappeared into the child bubble?

marisco_2

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Would you finish things to be cruel to be kind in my position?

I wouldn't walk away from any good relationship without first talking things through very frankly. Spell out to your partner that you are 100% sure you don't want children at any point. That a future with you entails him having to give up on the idea of becoming a dad.

If he still refuses to believe you and thinks that you will change your mind, then yes you will need to end things with him. Going forward together and entwining more and more of your lives emotionally and financially, would not be in either of your interests when eventually the issue of a child not coming into the world is most likely to split you up.

Metranil_Vavin

zarf2007 wrote: »

Then you must be the exception because I've known many couples who once a baby comes along seem to act like they're extras from the stepford wives.

And tbh as you have mentioned, even if you want to you are severely limited by your kids when trying to socialise, so like it or not have you not disappeared into the child bubble?

Nope I have not. Like I said I still make time for all my old friends. We have a couple coming for dinner this weekend who we make sure we see at least once a month.

Of course I am limited..I have kids, but that doesn't equate to me not wanting to bother with any of my old friends anymore, and frankly if you have friends that ditched you as soon as they had a family, they can't have been that great to start with.

Peater

I do not want children.

There are 2 things that make 'us' want to have children. There's the instinctual urge to reproduce and then there is the social conditioning that tells you 'get a job, get married, buy a house, have children'.

No.1 has never happened. No.2 has been a little more tricky because that's all you know from an early age. If you are a child, you will hang out with other kids and the parents of (people who wanted and have had kids) by proxy. So, having kids 'one day' is so very ingrained into us that it will almost always leave you in some doubt.

As has been said, if you have doubts about it then you may be better off taking heed of them. Regretting having a child must be the worst feeling in the world.

I think my mind was finally made up when I had a near-miss. A girl I was seeing had missed her period and was suffering from vomiting a few weeks after we'd got 'a bit excited' one night and forgot to use protection. The days before we found out it was an unrelated illness were the worst of my life. I felt physically sick and had some very dark thoughts about how I could escape the situation.... horrible.

That awful experience, in a way, was quite freeing as it made me sure.

Morglin

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Hi!

27 y/o female here, been in a relationship for 3.5 years with a man who does eventually want kids.

I know I never will want them. I have no maternal instinct and feel the world is overpopulated as it is. The way I see it, people seem to be 'breeding' because they still believe that is why they are on this planet for, which nowadays is totally wrong (just my opinion).

I have spoken to him about this and asked if he feels he is wasting time with me, and if so, to say so. He is convinced I will change my mind though. Would you finish things to be cruel to be kind in my position?

Any older folk out there who never had kids and are glad they made that decision?

Sick to death of everyone nudging me saying 'your turn' or 'you'll change your mind' or 'but you're such a natural' or 'don't you want someone to look after you when you're older?' arrrggghhhhh.

Would really like to see people's views

Don't have them.....i am nearly pension age and i have some mates, who chose never to have kids.

They have nice lives and are perfectly happy.:beer:

Kids are a lifestyle choice these days, not an obligation.;)

Lin

meer53

zarf2007 wrote: »

This is absolutely spot on and I find it incredibly annoying how peoples lives just seem to no longer exist and they are totally consumed by kids and their activities to the point where they have no personality.

Its also irritating that people just vanish and are no longer contactable then expect to just pick up where they left off two years later....

tbh, I really think the best way to have kids and survive is to be incredibly wealthy to the point where you can just offload them to the nanny when it suits. You then get the best of both worlds, the company of your child on your terms without the daily boring grind that consumes parents.....

selfish I know but hey

What a load of rubbish. You can't have many friends if this is the conclusion you've come to about people with children. Children are time consuming, especially when they're small but it's possible to live a normal life. Heck, i even managed to go on holiday/have a weekend away/eat out/go to parties/read a book/go to the cinema and i've had two babies. :eek:

If you can't just pick up with someone after not seeing them for a while then you aren't a true friend.

One thing i do agree with you on - you're selfish.

Okydoky25

I was adamant I did not want children. I loved my care free life style the. One day on holiday with my now husband at the age of 29 something inside me changed. I watched the kids by the pool and turned to my then BF and asked how he felt about it and he agreed. 2 years later we were married and 1 month later due our 1st.

Don't write off an otherwise great relationship you don't know what tomorrow holds.

*~Zephyr~*

I have always known I didn't want children. I'm just missing the maternal gene. The very idea of pregnancy freaks me out and I couldn't bear the thought of carrying a baby inside me *shudder*.

I can't even talk to children, I'm so bad at relating to them them I come across as socially !!!!!! when a child speaks to me. I don't find them particularly interesting or entertaining, I hate it when they scream in public. I find it difficult to have any kind of empathy with them. It's almost like they are a different species.

And yet I'm a very sociable person with anyone over the age of about 12 or so! My OH has grown-up children from a previous marriage and I get on wonderfully with them. I adore them and we have a fantastic relationship. Because they are adults.

OP, I don't think that you should end your relationship. It sounds like you love him dearly and you should never throw away a good relationship. Have another chat with him. Make certain that he understands 100% that you will not change your mind. Tell him you are considering sterilisation if it will help make your point. At least you can categorically say that you are not misleading him. And then, if he still chooses to stay then you obviously mean more to him than procreation

Shambler

meer53 wrote: »

What a load of rubbish. You can't have many friends if this is the conclusion you've come to about people with children. Children are time consuming, especially when they're small but it's possible to live a normal life. Heck, i even managed to go on holiday/have a weekend away/eat out/go to parties/read a book/go to the cinema and i've had two babies. :eek:

If you can't just pick up with someone after not seeing them for a while then you aren't a true friend.

One thing i do agree with you on - you're selfish.

If there is one thing in life that you should be selfish about it's your decision to have or not have children.


It could be disastrous for both herself and her partner if either one caves in to the others wishes only to then live with regret...this is a decision which could affect them for years if not forever.

moneyistooshorttomention

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

I have always known I didn't want children. I'm just missing the maternal gene. The very idea of pregnancy freaks me out and I couldn't bear the thought of carrying a baby inside me *shudder*.

I can't even talk to children, I'm so bad at relating to them them I come across as socially !!!!!! when a child speaks to me. I don't find them particularly interesting or entertaining, I hate it when they scream in public. I find it difficult to have any kind of empathy with them. It's almost like they are a different species.

And yet I'm a very sociable person with anyone over the age of about 12 or so! My OH has grown-up children from a previous marriage and I get on wonderfully with them. I adore them and we have a fantastic relationship. Because they are adults.

OP, I don't think that you should end your relationship. It sounds like you love him dearly and you should never throw away a good relationship. Have another chat with him. Make certain that he understands 100% that you will not change your mind. Tell him you are considering sterilisation if it will help make your point. At least you can categorically say that you are not misleading him. And then, if he still chooses to stay then you obviously mean more to him than procreation

I can relate to the thought of not even carrying a baby in you (ie pregnancy) personally. I would perceive it as an "invasion of my body" personally and can think some others might too.

Relating to children = I do find there are the odd few and they really are the "exceptions to the rule" that I can relate to personally. There are the (very very few indeed) children that are really quite "adult" and I can thoroughly appreciate someone who is only a few years old, but very much an individual in their own right/very mature for their years/good company. I've met a 2 year old before now that was very "old" and really good company, so it does happen, but its very very very rare indeed.

But a child that is a screamer/bad mannered/etc = Please take them away from me as fast as humanly possible. I realise that that means most children I will come across. Hence why I so appreciate the very "old" ones and find them delightful, but they honestly are the "one in a million" I think.

The chances of getting such a delightful Old Soul are infinitesimal ITRW.