Why should I have children???

Happier_Me

Just wondered if you have decided how to raise this with your other half, OP?

Isn't 27 quite young to be absolutely sure you don't want kids? You could feel differently in 7 or 8 years time!

Everyone is different. My Uncle was so sure he didn't want children he asked for a vasectomy many times during his 20's.

I spent my 20's in a steady relationship, not sure what I wanted children wise. Had I gone with how I felt back then I would be childless now. I thought babies were horrible things, tolerated other people's children only because I had to and had no maternal instincts whatsoever.

But I have since had two children - hitting the age of 30, with a husband who wanted kids and at high risk of early menopause - I went for it.

My kids are great. I don't regret it at all. Do I now like babies and children now I've had my own?. Absolutely not! Probably like them even less now. I didn't particularly like my own babies if I'm honest - this stage was just a means to an end to produce the gorgeous little people I share my life with now.

heartbreak_star

Happier_Me wrote: »

Isn't 27 quite young to be absolutely sure you don't want kids? You could feel differently in 7 or 8 years time!

Good lord no. I've known I didn't want kids since I was about 15, and that consolidated at 19. Since then I've had either Mirena or Nexplanon because the doctors won't sterilise me (and apparently LTRC is more effective anyway!).

HBS x

roobee13

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Well - if I wasn't sure about my decision not to have kids before, after yesterday, I certainly am now!

A party welcoming my newborn nephew into the world. About 20 screaming little darlings running around, causing a huge mess, preventing me from having interesting conversations with anyone due to the fact everyone was either cooing over the babies or talking about nappies, feeding and their next planned sprogs.

Never felt more desperate to get away from a party

I feel your pain with this! I attend a lot of my friends and families birthdays / christenings / gatherings and I often find them stressful and overwhelming.

I think the worst thing at these parties is the pressure and comments from others - 'when are you having children', 'you'll be next', 'better get moving', 'you'll run out of time soon'. All so rude and invasive!

Some people find it so hard to understand that not everyone in life will follow the same path. Well done to the OP for sticking to her feelings, hope the talks go well with your OH.

Oh, and Heartbreak Star - my doctor wouldn't discuss sterlisation with me either so I'm also going down the mirena route!

catkins

roobee13 wrote: »

I feel your pain with this! I attend a lot of my friends and families birthdays / christenings / gatherings and I often find them stressful and overwhelming.

I think the worst thing at these parties is the pressure and comments from others - 'when are you having children', 'you'll be next', 'better get moving', 'you'll run out of time soon'. All so rude and invasive!

Some people find it so hard to understand that not everyone in life will follow the same path. Well done to the OP for sticking to her feelings, hope the talks go well with your OH.

Oh, and Heartbreak Star - my doctor wouldn't discuss sterlisation with me either so I'm also going down the mirena route!

My OH went private and had a vasectomy because our doctor would not consider it as we were too young! OH had it done when in his 20's. We never considered me being sterilised as it is a bigger operation for the woman

roobee13

I didn't realise it was 'easier' for men to have the op catkins, to be honest it's only recently I've started thinking about permanent options. My ex would not have considered anything like that, I will deffo discuss it with OH.

The doctor just brushed it off and said I'm too young (I'm 30) to look into anything like that.

Newlyboughthouse

roobee13 wrote: »

Just wondered if you have decided how to raise this with your other half, OP?

Not yet. I keep saying how much I hate kids and things like, "this is why I don't want children" but not properly sat down set. Give me a few weeks - I'll update you when I have the chat.

roobee13 wrote: »

I think the worst thing at these parties is the pressure and comments from others - 'when are you having children', 'you'll be next', 'better get moving', 'you'll run out of time soon'. All so rude and invasive!

I actually had this conversation with one of the only people there who didn't have kids, thought maybe I was safe to have an interesting convo with her. We got onto the topic of having children (shock) and I divulged that I didn't want them. Her response, which made me mentally punch her in the head (it is THAT irritating now) "you don't mean that". I responded, "no, I really really do", and she said "the next time I see you I bet you'll have a baby". She didn't believe me, it was like she couldn't accept that a woman would choose to not have kids.

ARRRGGGHHHHH

Newlyboughthouse

Happier_Me wrote: »

this stage was just a means to an end to produce the gorgeous little people I share my life with now.

You're lucky you got gorgeous little people, and not troublesome, horrid people that people seem to be having in equal measure

Happier_Me

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

You're lucky you got gorgeous little people, and not troublesome, horrid people that people seem to be having in equal measure

Yes, I'm very lucky as I haven't met another gorgeous little person other than my own so they must be very, very rare:D

I actually feel a little envious of those posters who were/are so certain of their feelings on remaining child free. I was driven to have kids mainly through fear of changing my mind when it was too late to reverse my decision.

kingslayer

I am a guy and I don't want kids. I just don't want the responsibility and extra financial burden that having kids brings. I feel the same way in regards to owning a pet; the cost and responsibility of having them outweighs any positives. I hope that doesn't sound bad, but it's the way I feel. I want to experience the world and different opportunities until I'm old. Once you have a child, all of this will eventually dwindle away and become hard to continue. I don't care about children looking after me; I would much rather live in the now and take each day as it comes.

DUTR

kingslayer wrote: »

I am a guy and I don't want kids. I just don't want the responsibility and extra financial burden that having kids brings. I feel the same way in regards to owning a pet; the cost and responsibility of having them outweighs any positives. I hope that doesn't sound bad, but it's the way I feel. I want to experience the world and different opportunities until I'm old. Once you have a child, all of this will eventually dwindle away and become hard to continue. I don't care about children looking after me; I would much rather live in the now and take each day as it comes.

I'm a guy and paying for one, you can rest assured life doesn't stop and all the opportunities you treasure are still available to you.