Why should I have children???

fairy_lights

Happier_Me wrote: »

My kids are great. I don't regret it at all. Do I now like babies and children now I've had my own?. Absolutely not! Probably like them even less now. I didn't particularly like my own babies if I'm honest - this stage was just a means to an end to produce the gorgeous little people I share my life with now.

Thank you so much for admitting this! I'm 27 and a lot of people I know have started having kids, if any of them admitted to not liking other people's kids or finding the baby stage rubbish it would be treated as a capital offence!
I wish more people were so honest about how they feel about children.

kingslayer

DUTR wrote: »

I'm a guy and paying for one, you can rest assured life doesn't stop and all the opportunities you treasure are still available to you.

Maybe to a certain extent, but i have friends who got married and had kids in their early 20's, and now they rarely go out and probably go on one vacation every 2-3 years.

Don't get me wrong, there have been times when i've thought it would be great to have a son (or daughter) and take him football training, practicing with him over the park, get him into hunting/camping and other such stuff, or have a girl and take her to drama classes, ballet, etc. It does cross my mind that having children would be nice, but i just think of the financial burden and responsibility, and it just turns me off the idea.

If i was a multi millionaire, then maybe i would consider it, but right now and in the near future, i definitely won't be considering kids.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

Kingslayer again? Isn't this guy about 16 years old?

DUTR

kingslayer wrote: »

Maybe to a certain extent, but i have friends who got married and had kids in their early 20's, and now they rarely go out and probably go on one vacation every 2-3 years.

Don't get me wrong, there have been times when i've thought it would be great to have a son (or daughter) and take him football training, practicing with him over the park, get him into hunting/camping and other such stuff, or have a girl and take her to drama classes, ballet, etc. It does cross my mind that having children would be nice, but i just think of the financial burden and responsibility, and it just turns me off the idea.

If i was a multi millionaire, then maybe i would consider it, but right now and in the near future, i definitely won't be considering kids.

Life is not a thing that money can buy, there are financially wealthy people but nature dictates that they cannot reproduce as a couple.
They may rarely go out, but that could be the lifestyle they choose, after a while of pubbing and clubbing it, one finds it the same old same old. Same with travelling, holidays are cheap enough and with some money saving tips, even cheaper.
And from the very board you are on, you will see threads from posters, kids may not turn out as you wish, after all they are indivdual characters and will develop their own unique personality.

catkins

roobee13 wrote: »

I didn't realise it was 'easier' for men to have the op catkins, to be honest it's only recently I've started thinking about permanent options. My ex would not have considered anything like that, I will deffo discuss it with OH.

The doctor just brushed it off and said I'm too young (I'm 30) to look into anything like that.

When me and OH first went to our doctor to ask about it, we were not only told we were far too young, the female doctor also told me I wasn't normal not wanting children and I would change my mind!


We were determined for one of us to be sterilised (preferably OH) so went to a Marie Stopes clinic. We had to have a chat with someone there so they could see we were sure we were making the right decision. I can't remember what it cost (it was over 30 years ago) but I am sure it wasn't that expensive as we had little money! OH was only at the clinic a couple of hours, we then went home and the next day he went back to work. Not sure if it is still the case but for a woman it is a bigger operation and I believe they keep you in overnight as it is done under general anaesthetic whereas a vasectomy is done under a local.


We were both under 30 (OH was about 26/27 and I was about 28/29)

Cottage_Economy

They still do try and make out you're not normal.

I've been asking for sterilisation since I was 25. I'm now 41 and they still refuse.

After a consult about a vasectomy that ended in disaster when my husband passed out and cracked his head just talking about it, I broached the subject again with our GP. I have no problem having it done and it pains me to see how much my husband struggles with the idea of it, as he has a phobia about clinical environments and usually tries to pass out during GP appointments let alone anything else.

The GP admitted there was no way I would ever be able to have one on the NHS unless I had already had kids. Better, he said, to dose my husband up to the eyeballs with valium and get it over with.

This is the 7th GP I have spoken to since I was 25, and this guy is by far the fairest, most most non-judgemental GP I have ever had, so I know I am !!!!ed as far as the NHS route is concerned.

So as I age and my contraception choices limit, I have two paths open to me now for a permanent solution. I either wait for the menopause or I go to Marie Stopes and pay £1600 and pray I don't get problems from post tubal ligation syndrome.

Mrs_Ryan

It is wrong the way the medical profession view not wanting children. I begged for years for a hysterectomy due to extreme PCOS and they said no. When I was referred for bleeding that hadn't stopped for six months I was told all I could have was the Mirena as 'all women my age want children' and I 'hadn't completed my family' i was told later that the doctor deliberately hadn't told me about certain treatments I could have due to my age and his preconceptions. I was told that he should have respected my wish to be treated and potentially lose my fertility rather than let his own prejudices get in the way which I was very angry about. I got my emergency hysterectomy when they discovered I had womb cancer but part of me wishes they would listen to peoples wishes!!

Indie_Kid

roobee13 wrote: »

I didn't realise it was 'easier' for men to have the op catkins, to be honest it's only recently I've started thinking about permanent options. My ex would not have considered anything like that, I will deffo discuss it with OH.

The doctor just brushed it off and said I'm too young (I'm 30) to look into anything like that.

I was told its a much smaller and les painful operation. My dad said it's like being kicked by a horse.

Gloomendoom

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

They still do try and make out you're not normal

That's probably because, like it or lump it, you are not 'normal'.

I considered getting a vasectomy but, after research, I discovered that around 15% of men who do undergo it end up with post-vasectomy pain syndrome. Unacceptably high odds for me.

BritAbroad

Happier_Me wrote: »

Isn't 27 quite young to be absolutely sure you don't want kids? You could feel differently in 7 or 8 years time!

Why? If someone said at 27 that they did want kids, no-one would tell them they were too young to be sure!

I've had the whole range of 'you might change your mind' comments. It's rude and patronising, and it implies that I'm not capable of knowing what I want because what I want goes against the norm and that makes people uncomfortable. Usually it comes along with a lecture about marriage and family, from someone who's been married from a fraction of the time I have.

I would never dream of saying such a thing to someone who wanted kids - I would respect them enough to think they know their own mind.