Why should I have children???

seven-day-weekend

I have a friend who has never wanted children, despite being fond of them. She told her husband right at the beginning, once they realised their relationship was serious, that she would never want children of her own, and that if he wanted children he would need to find someone else. He accepted that and they have now been married 25 years happily child-free.

Not everyone wants children and that is fine, but I think your boyfriend has got to understand that you mean it. How you persuade him of that, I don;t know.

He has to decide whether he wants a childless future with you. If he really wants children, he has to accept that he will have to try elsewhere.

I think some long and hard talking needs to be done.

seven-day-weekend

We had, by choice, one child after nearly ten years of marriage (grown up now). I agree with others, bringing up small children can be boring and mind-numbing and although our son was planned and wanted, I felt as though I had lost my identity when he was young.

janninew

BritAbroad wrote: »

Why? If someone said at 27 that they did want kids, no-one would tell them they were too young to be sure!

I've had the whole range of 'you might change your mind' comments. It's rude and patronising, and it implies that I'm not capable of knowing what I want because what I want goes against the norm and that makes people uncomfortable. Usually it comes along with a lecture about marriage and family, from someone who's been married from a fraction of the time I have.

I would never dream of saying such a thing to someone who wanted kids - I would respect them enough to think they know their own mind.

Yes but saying you do want kids is different, you then have the option of changing your mind in the future, if you are sterilised and then changed your mind it is much more complicated.

I'm sure I've read recently there is a high percentage of men having their vasectomy procedure reversed so I think it is right that Doctors are making sure people are entirely sure. Nobody knows what the future will hold and most can't say that they will never change their minds about having or not having children.

bargainbetty

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That's probably because, like it or lump it, you are not 'normal'.

Define normal. It changes on an annual basis. Ten years ago it wasn't normal to constantly take lots of pictures of yourself with a mobile phone, but it is considered acceptable now. Behaviour changes. Society changes. Recycling used to be for hippies, now it is socially responsible. Personally, I think bringing an unwanted child into the world because other people think you should would be abnormal behaviour for any individual.

Lots of people don't actively want children, it is just becoming more socially acceptable to acknowledge it publicly. I know several older ladies who have celebrated my choice to remain child-free and openly told me they would have done the same had society given them any real alternative to marriage and babies (we are talking about women in their 80s).

I am perfectly normal. I also do not want to have children. I don't see why these two things have any bearing on each other.

People used to give me the 'you'll change your mind' speech. It took a long time before they accepted that I'm not maternal, I don't feel the need for a child and never have.

blobbydoodaah

I have 3 children and wouldnt change this for the world.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any. The media has done a goood job on some of you... over population, career is more important... high child care costs....man made climate change.... such a shame because its such a magical thing bringing life into the world and not having to just think about yourself and your own needs...

My children are my legacy..... Lots of hard work but when eventually letting them go into the world to hopefully make it a better place for everyone...

Good luck everyone

lostinrates

meer53 wrote: »

The post is about people who choose not to have children.

Sometimes you just have to actively choose to get on and enjoy and make the most of the cards life dealt you.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We had, by choice, one child after nearly ten years of marriage (grown up now). I agree with others, bringing up small children can be boring and mind-numbing and although our son was planned and wanted, I felt as though I had lost my identity when he was young.

I have always found your posts on motherhood reassuring and brave. Comforting even, though I'll never be in that position. My parents shouldn't have had children really and admitted it often enough at the time! In retrospect sometimes they see the situation through rose colours spectacles which leave me dumbfounded. It was not a good move and for one of them was because it was 'what one does' and for the other was because the other seemed to want it. Inevitability and wanting are different!

Person_one

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That's probably because, like it or lump it, you are not 'normal'.

'Normal' is not the same as 'usual' or 'most common'.

SandC

blobbydoodaah wrote: »

.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any.

That could cover so many things in life though, I've never slept with a woman - still quite sure I don't want to thanks.

It brings me back to one of my better responses when being told that I would "make such a good mum though"........ I would make a darned good prostitute too but I'm not about to do that either.

:rotfl:

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

'Normal' is not the same as 'usual' or 'most common'.

That is exactly what it is....

normal
ˈnɔːm(ə)l/Submit
adjective
1.
conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
"it's quite normal for puppies to bolt their food"

roobee13

blobbydoodaah wrote: »

I have 3 children and wouldnt change this for the world.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any. The media has done a goood job on some of you... over population, career is more important... high child care costs....man made climate change.... such a shame because its such a magical thing bringing life into the world and not having to just think about yourself and your own needs...

My children are my legacy..... Lots of hard work but when eventually letting them go into the world to hopefully make it a better place for everyone...

Good luck everyone

Good for you.

Pretty sure the media has nothing to do with it though, some people just don't want kids. I'm sure it is lovely, however it just isn't for everyone.