Why should I have children???

DFlights

Same here, some of the views of those with children to those of us who choose not to have them are no more than downright patronising.

I don't see a child as a legacy. What I myself do with my own hands and mind, that's a legacy.

And childbirth isn't a miracle; every other living organism replicates, some in more amazing, painful, stranger ways than we mammals! So, unless you're going to acknowledge that ALL life and reproduction are miracles, then having a baby is no more special than any other creature giving birth.

Never liked kids of any age, never wanted them, had a rubbish childhood that no-one believes was as bad as it was, and there's no way on earth that I'd give my awful parents the satisfaction of having another young life to ruin, another mind to drive into near-insanity. And I've felt that way since I was pre-teen.

catkins

blobbydoodaah wrote: »

I have 3 children and wouldnt change this for the world.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any. The media has done a goood job on some of you... over population, career is more important... high child care costs....man made climate change.... such a shame because its such a magical thing bringing life into the world and not having to just think about yourself and your own needs...

I don't need the media to tell me the this country and the planet are overpopulated, I can see it for myself. Just look at the housing situation in this country, the employment situation, schools, the NHS, the gridlocked roads etc etc. I am so glad I have not brought a child into the world to struggle to find work, struggle to afford to buy a property (if they ever can) etc.


If a woman (couple) want children then great have them but I still think a lot have them just because it is supposed to be "the right thing to do" and don't even think about whether they want them or not. I know couples that say they never discussed whether or not they wanted children but just had them as they saw it as a natural progression (get married, buy a house, have a baby). Sadly, quite a few of them regret having them.

Happier_Me

fairy_lights wrote: »

Thank you so much for admitting this! I'm 27 and a lot of people I know have started having kids, if any of them admitted to not liking other people's kids or finding the baby stage rubbish it would be treated as a capital offence!
I wish more people were so honest about how they feel about children.

I actually hesitated before posting that as I think it is considered socially unacceptable to not like kids. I am more open about my feelings now though than in the past. My youngest nephew is10 months old and his mum knows I will be available for baby sitting only when he can walk and talk (and ideally drive, but probably pushing my luck there).:D

BritAbroad

Happier_Me wrote: »

I actually hesitated before posting that as I think it is considered socially unacceptable to not like kids. I am more open about my feelings now though than in the past. My youngest nephew is10 months old and his mum knows I will be available for baby sitting only when he can walk and talk (and ideally drive, but probably pushing my luck there).:D

Sadly I think that's true. I think back to my own childhood in the 80s and I do remember a few adults who were perfectly open about disliking kids, and no one batted an eyelid. Nowadays they'd be viewed as suspicious, which is wrong.

My interest in my friends kids only goes as far as how they're impacting my friends' lives - in other words, I'm not interested in how little David is doing at school, but I am interested in how stressed my friend is because doing the school run makes it hard for her to get to work on time. My friends are my friends, their kids are not my friends.

Person_one

BritAbroad wrote: »

My interest in my friends kids only goes as far as how they're impacting my friends' lives - in other words, I'm not interested in how little David is doing at school, but I am interested in how stressed my friend is because doing the school run makes it hard for her to get to work on time. My friends are my friends, their kids are not my friends.

My friends love their children, therefore I take an interest in their children and make an effort to get to know them a bit.

I'm CFBC, but I do think its actually a bit, I don't know, rude maybe to say you dislike all children. They're all different, all individuals. There are children I adore, children I like, children I find a bit annoying and children I would cross the road to avoid. There are plenty of adults I know who fit into all those categories too though, age is not the defining factor! :rotfl:

If you say you don't like any children, you're telling the parents you know that you don't like their children. I wouldn't feel happy doing that personally.

DevilsAdvocate1

I run a parent and toddler group and you'd be surprised at how many older mums (I'm talking around 40) who didn't want children who end up having at least one. Sometimes they changed their mind for themselves, sometimes it was because their spouse wanted a child and sometimes it was a mistake. All of them have commented on how they wouldn't change things now. And some even went on to have a planned second child. One mum is 44 and has just done this.

So I think this is probably why doctor's are not keen on sterilisation for a younger woman. You might not change your mind, but the doctor has seen many women before you change their mind. So the doctor can't be sure that in another 10 years you won't.

fairy_lights

blobbydoodaah wrote: »

I have 3 children and wouldnt change this for the world.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any.

Yes, but likewise you will never know the feeling of being child free so can't really have a balanced view either! maybe there is something wonderful and magical about being child free that you will never experience?
I'm not saying that having kids isn't a wonderful thing for those who want it, I just hate it when people make out that people who choose not to have children are missing out on some incredible secret. There are lots of other things that make life special, kids are not the only source of joy or meaning in the world.

janninew

fairy_lights wrote: »

Yes, but likewise you will never know the feeling of being child free so can't really have a balanced view either! maybe there is something wonderful and magical about being child free that you will never experience?
I'm not saying that having kids isn't a wonderful thing for those who want it, I just hate it when people make out that people who choose not to have children are missing out on some incredible secret. There are lots of other things that make life special, kids are not the only source of joy or meaning in the world.

Of course parents know the feeling of being child free, nobody is born a parent! I was child free for 30 years and all that entails and now I'm a parent with all that entails. I've lived both lives so feel I have a balanced view.

I respect anybodies right to choose but I do dislike how some child free folk describe children as 'brats' etc and as parents as 'breeders.' You see it all the time on these boards, no idea how all children can be generalised like this.

Goldiegirl

BritAbroad wrote: »

Why? If someone said at 27 that they did want kids, no-one would tell them they were too young to be sure!

I've had the whole range of 'you might change your mind' comments. It's rude and patronising, and it implies that I'm not capable of knowing what I want because what I want goes against the norm and that makes people uncomfortable. Usually it comes along with a lecture about marriage and family, from someone who's been married from a fraction of the time I have.

I would never dream of saying such a thing to someone who wanted kids - I would respect them enough to think they know their own mind.

From a very early age, and I'm talking early teens I knew I didn't want children. When my friends spoke about getting married and having children, I could imagine the getting married part, but I couldn't imagine myself with children of my own. It was something that held no interest for me, and 40 years later, still holds no interest for me.

I did wonder if something would happen when I hit 30, and my biological clock started ticking. But there was never a single tick.

I think people should be given the credit for knowing their own mind.

I also think a perfectly valid question is 'why do you want / why did you have children'

I personally can't think of any positive answer for this, so I'd be interested to hear reasons why people have had children.

sulphate

blobbydoodaah wrote: »

I have 3 children and wouldnt change this for the world.. you never know the feeling until it becomes a reality so you cant have a balanced view if you have never had any. The media has done a goood job on some of you... over population, career is more important... high child care costs....man made climate change.... such a shame because its such a magical thing bringing life into the world and not having to just think about yourself and your own needs...

My children are my legacy..... Lots of hard work but when eventually letting them go into the world to hopefully make it a better place for everyone...

Good luck everyone

How incredibly patronising. Are you actually suggesting everyone should have children even if they don't want to?

Let's watch the abuse figures skyrocket.