Why should I have children???

thorsoak

Yes, children can bring heartbreak - just as partners can bring heartbreak. So can friends, parents, siblings. It is not a very nice world out there at the moment - just as it was not a very nice world out there when my OH was born into a home that was bombed into oblivion when he was 10 days old, nor was it when my then 6-year old mother had to look after her 4-year old sister and 2-year old brother whilst her mother worked in the Armaments Factory during WW1 when her father was posted missing.

In my opinion, having a child - in any era - is a statement of hope in the future, that it will be better.

No-one should be put under pressure to have a child, to not have a child, to be looked down on because they choose to have children. I feel nothing but scorn for parents who demand grandchildren - I don't own my children - I gave them to the world - and gave the world to them.

seven-day-weekend

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

You know I'm feeling so crappy today that the fact that you've been nice about this has actually made me cry.

I've not got six children nor a dog but I do understand how you feel. Have a good cry (a 'blart' as we say in the Black Country) and a glass of wine or a nice cuppa and say 'sod all of them' for half an hour

BarryBlue

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

I have 6 and although I do love them I also regret having 6 of them. I underestimated how hard having 6 would be, how little support I would ever have and how little time I would ever have for myself. And as I get older I feel this more and more. I wish I had stopped at 3.I would feel differently if I wasn't a single parent.I wouldn't dare admit this to anyone in real life.I also regret having dogs for the same reason-I can never do anything or go anywhere or even have a lie in because either the dogs or kids wake me up-as a result I am permanently exhausted. I have very few friends-none have a lot of children and I envy them their lives. No doubt I'll get some hate for writing this.

Absolutely no hate from me. Just amazement at how anyone could ever consider having 6 kids was a good idea. But then I can't see why anyone would ever want more than two.


I'm with you on animals too. I have known people whose lives are dominated by the fact that they have dogs. No holiday, can't have a night out, tied to feed and walk times etc. That's not for me so I would never have a dog and I can't abide cats either.


I do feel sorry for people who get constantly badgered by older relatives to get on and reproduce because they want grandchildren. I'm sure some actually do so and their relationships suffer as a consequence.

seven-day-weekend

We look after other peoples' dogs at their home and get paid for it, but I would never have one of my own. They really do tie you down. With other peoples' we can do our week's stint and then leave when the owners come home and enjoy our dog-free existence. We have always had cats though, but cats are more self-sufficient than dogs, they come and go through the catflap and providing someone comes in every day and feeds and waters them, they can be left indefinitely. They don't care whether you are there or not and they don't need walking.

vroombroom

We are constantly under pressure to have a second child. I don't want another.

Just on the subject of adoption - I knew of someone who wanted to adopt and they wanted to interview/get character refs from her ex. Her ex was a violent bully who she eventually left, needless to say she never continued with the process x

thorsoak

vroombroom wrote: »

We are constantly under pressure to have a second child. I don't want another.

Just on the subject of adoption - I knew of someone who wanted to adopt and they wanted to interview/get character refs from her ex. Her ex was a violent bully who she eventually left, needless to say she never continued with the process x

Who is putting you under pressure? Your parents? His parents? Friends? Your partner?

Unless you are certain that you want/could cope with another child, please stand firm - another child would only put pressure on your relationship, and could damage the parent/child bond that you have already.

No-one else has any right to put pressure on you - there is a firm commitment upon youthat you have a right to chose whether or not you should bear a child.

One of the prime ideals of the Womens' Movement was always stated as "the woman's right to choose".

Cloudydaze

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I feel like couples who don't have kids are the selfish ones,in the fact they are not contributing to the future of our society or soecies - they are happy for everyone else to put the effort in to produce the next generation of doctors, bin men, shop assistants, scientists.. When they are older they expect support from other peoples children rather than ones they raised.

Gosh, it's never occurred to me what (as a childless person) a drain on society I am. I would have thought that as a high rate tax payer I was pulling my weight.

I'm not exactly child free by choice but I'm coming to terms with a life without children and focussing on the advantages that comes without that responsibility.

I think it's ridiculous that so many posters are trying to argue that both choosing to have or not have children is selfiish. I don't understand the need to judge others' choices in such a way particularly when many don't have the choice.

Newlyboughthouse

Found this written by someone in America. She's spot on.. If agreeing with this makes me a vile, self-centred person as someone called me above, then oh well!

"The breeding fad has been around for too long, and it needs to stop. You people are doing this for the wrong reasons. You don’t have children due solely to the urge to love, take care of, and raise a child with dignity and respect. You are having children for the worst reasons imaginable, and none of you have the presence of mind to think about why you want this baby so badly. (I have found it is usually along the lines of “Gee, honey what would a child of ours look like? Let’s find out.”)

Accidental babies. “Oops, I’m pregnant. Abortion is murder. So, I’ll just keep it.” First of all abortion is NOT murder. Consider it a man-made tier of natural selection. It is healthy and necessary. Think of it as removing a tumor, only with a fetus you don’t have to undergo chemo therapy afterward. Yes, it is hard to do, but so is raising a child if you aren’t ready or prepared to do so. Speaking personally here… I am one of the accidental children and it was horrifying. My mother had me at the tender age of 16. On several occasions thru life, my mother would get very drunk, and sternly informed me that I was an accident, and that my life was the utter ruin of hers. She married my drunken father, due to her pregnancy and hasn’t forgiven me since. I know damn good and well that it isn’t my fault… now. But these things are traumatizing to hear at age 7 and 9 and 14 and 15. She’s a good woman, but she was never suited to be a parent. Women who are not prepared for pregnancy are not prepared for motherhood. Simple fact. Maternal instincts are a myth. If you are “suited” to motherhood then you are suited for it. But don’t hold your breath and hope for the love of poopie diapers and high pitched screaming to overtake you in a wave of ecstacy. It will never happen.

Worse yet, some kids are born to women who can’t find stability in any other relationship. If they are pregnant, they’ll often rationalize it with “at least a baby will love me forever.” That is an incredible and unfair weight to put upon the shoulders of a newborn baby. Shame on you! Get a hamster! A baby is completely controllable and has no opinions of its own… temporarily. What will you do when they get older, you have to learn enough social skills to keep up with them? When you want to live a life, wide in variety and freedom, what will you tell your child? Remember your parents? So, do you recall the unfair expectations that they laid upon you during your tender years? Or perhaps you fondly remember their exceptional neglect due to an interest in other things? They were put under the same pressures as you, learn from their mistakes.

Here’s a good one. “My mother wants me to have kids.” “My mother wants me to get married… to a man.” I was raised to have the utmost respect for mothers. Particularly those who are old enough to be my mother. However, your mother had her shot at breeding. She can’t tell you what to wear anymore (and if she can, seek help). She shouldn’t be telling you when to breed, nor that you even have to in the first place. That is your decision! Stand up for yourself. Be an adult. You don’t have to have children if you don’t want to.

Let me break things down for you: Babies are cute sometimes. This a defense mechanism provided by nature, nothing more. One baby is just like another. It is not a precious and individual snowflake. It’s a yowling larvae sack!

Giving birth is not a “miracle”. Pregnancy is a chemical reaction and should be treated as such. A + B = Fetus. It was perhaps referred to as a miracle back in the days when people did not realize that sex and pregnancy had anything to do with each other. Women just brought forth life in those days without obvious cause or warning. But now a days we are well aware of the cause and effects, yet the “miracle” is spreading like the plague. Producing offspring will not… I repeat… WILL NOT make your life “all better”. It won’t make your life “complete”. It won’t heal your marriage. It won’t stop your husband from screwing around. It won’t make you more attractive nor cure your menstrual issues. And that “passing down the family name crap” lost any meaning centuries ago, and it only ever had meaning to men (the selfish !!!!!!!s)! It won’t provide you with someone who’ll care for you when you’re old. It won’t even provide you with a guaranteed Mother’s Day gift every year. These are lies and myths that you have been spoon fed from birth. The moment your mother had you she started training you for making babies! Children have been reduced to vanity projects. Happy to break it to ya, but you can get more love and fulfillment from pet store! Get a cat or a hobby! Volunteer at a Woman’s shelter. Help raise money for Cancer survivors without insurance. Take some pride in yourself instead of expecting a spit-gargling meat sack to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams with their mere existence.

Adoption. Now that is a time worthy endeavor. There are millions of children that have no one to care for them, with the exception of a government clerk that isn’t really required to “care”. I have asked people time and time again why they have given birth to children instead of adopting. I am often given half hearted excuses about there being couples out there that can’t have children and blah blah blah. This is utter !!!!!!!!. There aren’t enough non-breeding couples to house these helpless children. If there were, enough childless couples, foster care wouldn’t be such a nightmare. But it is.

Others who favor childbirth, do so because they feel that a child won’t mean anything to them unless it shares their bloodline. This line of thinking makes no sense to me. If this is such a problem, then perhaps you shouldn’t strive for children at all…just a suggestion.

My reasoning for advocating adoption is that if you adopt you have to really want it. You have to jump through hoops of fire and fill out paperwork and be completely committed to the pursuit of a child. Instead of, just realizing you’re pregnant one day and hoping that it turns out for the best. Therefore, using a baby as a vain attempt to permanently commemorate a beautiful loving and magical relationship that “mysteriously” breaks up once the child is born and reality officially sets in. No relationships are permanent. Only the effects are. I personally would rather tattoo my boyfriends name on my forehead then have a child with him. The former destroys fewer lives than the latter.

Bottom line. There is no reason to give birth. Pure and simple. If you want a baby so badly, you should pursue an avenue that has some dignity. Adopt a child, they are the ones that really need your love and care.

Abortion. Along with popular belief I am all for it! I saw a bumper sticker a few days ago (inspiring this little rant) and it said “How can you say there are too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.” Honetly! I followed this woman until she parked and then asked her if she pulled dandelions and other weeds from her garden! What are dandelions? Unwanted flowers! So, morale of the rant boils down to; be an adult and don’t breed. Adopt a child or get a pet. Educate our young women on the “miracle” with a lot more facts and less biased toward breeding. Make birth control and condoms available for anyone who is physically able to use it! Make abortion legal in all 50 states and keep it that way until we actually have some reason to give birth again. Stop reducing our gender to the role of “baby factory” and have some self respect. Thank you!"

thorsoak

So, if everyone stops having babies - where are you going to find the babies to adopt?

And should you not give credit to the author of this piece by printing her name? She has copywrite!

Newlyboughthouse

Starting to get a bit fed up of having to defend myself here, so I will do it once more and then screw y'all. Someone said above that I 'wanted to adopt'. I clearly said above IF I EVER get the maternal instinct, I would go down the adoption route over procreation. I am not a horrible person. Yes I have a blunt manner, particularly, evidently, in the forum. I'm not a wishy washy person and I just say it how it is.

I have a dog who, as someone said above, does tie me down to some extent, but I love him and that's fine . So how am I selfish?

I do not hate children. I helped raise my younger siblings as I am much older than them. Everyone tells me (who know me in real life) that I would make a great mother. Yes I referred to them as sprogs in an earlier post, but I never said I hate them.

I am entirely not confused at all. I know what I want thank you very much

That is all, attackers