Why should I have children???

Newlyboughthouse

Particularly her points on adoption. I appreciate it's a difficult process but why are so few willing to adopt? I think she's right. Sorry!

Pollycat

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Hahaha oops - twas a while ago, forgot I said that. Well like I say - helped raise younger siblings, don't actually hate them.

You really need to remember what you've written previously - or at least hold your hands up when you're caught out.

You've taken other posters to task for (allegedly) not reading your posts.
I think you need to take your own advice.

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Why is it vile? It's blooming well spot on! Yes a little shocking and probably not nice reading for those with children but spot on nonetheless.

It's clearly 'blooming well spot on' in your opinion, but that doesn't make it 'spot on' in everybody else's opinion.
and it doesn't make it right.

thorsoak

In the cold light of a grey day a though occurs to me (my last comment on this post) - so is your scorn also directed at your parents, for producing you AND your siblings ?

heartbreak_star

I do think that article is a little bit vitriolic, but I really do agree that more people should adopt. It's selfish to want a child just to pass on your biological material when you think about it.

I knew of a couple who were perfectly fertile, but chose to adopt two children instead of giving birth to two. These kids are happy, rounded and very loved individuals. I admire that couple so very, very much.

HBS x

Pollycat

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I do think that article is a little bit vitriolic, but I really do agree that more people should adopt. It's selfish to want a child just to pass on your biological material when you think about it.

I knew of a couple who were perfectly fertile, but chose to adopt two children instead of giving birth to two. These kids are happy, rounded and very loved individuals. I admire that couple so very, very much.

HBS x

I really think that people should do what they want to do or what suits them - whether that be having children, adopting or remaining childless.

And not be labelled 'selfish' because they do so.

I made my own choice (which luckily coincided with the choice of my partner) many years ago.
I didn't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else, explain my reasons or defend my choice.
If public fora like this one had been around then, I wouldn't have felt the need to post about it either.

The OP - in her very first post said:

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Would really like to see people's views

but the reality is that she didn't want to 'see' (read) people's views at all, just to try to ram her own opinion about over-population and adoption down other posters' throats.

lisyloo

Any older folk out there who never had kids and are glad they made that decision?

I'm 46 (and female). When I was in my 20's I never wanted kids and was also convinced I'd never change my mind. I haven't and I don't regret it.

I've always wondered what one should do if both partners don't agree and I think the desire to have children is so fundamental that ultimately you have to sacrifice the relationship. However your partner could change his mind. I'd be totally honest and then it's up to him.

We've been able to do things because we don't have children - have a nice house, travel, have exciting hobbies like hot air ballooning, scuba diving etc. that most parents can't do. However I have to stress that I don't believe that people don't have children because they want a nice kitchen.
It is absoutely NOT a "lifestyle choice". The feelings involved are fundamental. If they aren't there they simply aren't there. In nature a certain % of animals won't have offspring for whatever reason so it's natural.

I believe my sub-conscious reasons are not having a happy childhood. The reason I conclude this is that my sister (47) and my 2 brothers (44 and 45) don't have any kids either. That's quite unusual for 4 people and more than a coincidence.
Whereas my cousins who had a happy unbringing all have kids.
This isn't a conscious thing but I do think it affects your outllook.

I certainly wouldn't judge others and would fully support those who have a family and are committed to being great parents. I'd like them to not judge my decision though and these days most of them don't.

I don't see that my decision not to have children stops me supporting other parents, younger relatives and society in general. There is no contradiction. It's possible to support people who make a different decision to you and recognise that both are perfectly valid.

Being older is great because you worry SO much less about what other people think.
I think a lot of people my age would advise their younger selves to worry a lot less especially about what other people think.

sulphate

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

*sigh* and as said in another of my previous posts, people will always procreate. It's just more women need to realise they have a CHOICE not to.

I'm pregnant with my first child and I don't understand this comment. I think the vast majority of women these days realise that they have a choice to have children or not.

That wordpress article was clearly written by someone too bitter about their own childhood and upbringing to present an unbiased view, it's funny and a bit ridiculous.

I would never question someone's choice not to have children because I'm not arrogant enough to just assume everyone wants the same things I do.

As for the whole "just adopt". I posted this on another thread a few days ago, but feel it's relevant here. Perhaps this is why many people don't go down that route.

Today, very few babies are 'given up' for adoption in the UK.

Instead, each year in England alone, there are around 4,000 children waiting in foster care, unable to live with their birth families. The majority are older children, sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.

These children come from a wide range of ethnic and cultural backgrounds.

Children waiting for adoption have had unsettled starts in life and all will have experienced some form of loss by being taken into care.

Many have also sadly experienced abuse and/or neglect.

From www.adoptionuk.org

heartbreak_star

Pollycat wrote: »

I really think that people should do what they want to do or what suits them - whether that be having children, adopting or remaining childless.

And not be labelled 'selfish' because they do so.

I made my own choice (which luckily coincided with the choice of my partner) many years ago.
I didn't feel the need to discuss it with anyone else, explain my reasons or defend my choice.

Oh of course - it is just my personal view I just sort of feel that if I did want a child I'd adopt over having a biological one.

Then again I've been branded a bit odd regarding children and adoption etc. since my schooldays. When we were studying history, we learned that apparently in some civilisations, if a family were going on a journey, they would swap a young baby for a teenage child who could help out with the work in return for being fed. That child would then be adopted into the family and the baby would have a new home too.

I said that I thought that was a great idea and I didn't see why it hadn't continued... some of the looks I got were amazing!

HBS x

Pollycat

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Oh of course - it is just my personal view I just sort of feel that if I did want a child I'd adopt over having a biological one.

And that is absolutely fine.

But it's patently wrong to label someone who doesn't share that view as 'selfish'.

heartbreak_star

Pollycat wrote: »

And that is absolutely fine.

But it's patently wrong to label someone who doesn't share that view as 'selfish'.

Maybe I'm just jaded, and probably phrased myself badly!

I just remember a girl at my last workplace who refused to even entertain the idea of adopting because it "wouldn't be HER child because it wouldn't have HER and HER BOYFRIEND'S genetic material and that's the ONLY REASON to have a baby" *cue hysterics*. I've heard similar sentiments before while I was growing up, that an adopted child is somehow second-class.

I think this has coloured my view - having a baby PURELY to pass on your genetic material is selfish. Having a baby because you love your partner and want to bring a child into a loving environment isn't - though I still stick by the opinion that more people should consider adoption when planning a child

HBS x