Why should I have children???

[Deleted User]

heartbreak_star wrote: »

having a baby PURELY to pass on your genetic material is selfish.

It's also one of the fundamental driving forces of all life on earth!

see http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Selfish-Gene-Richard-Dawkins/dp/0192860925

VestanPance

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Maybe I'm just jaded, and probably phrased myself badly!

I just remember a girl at my last workplace who refused to even entertain the idea of adopting because it "wouldn't be HER child because it wouldn't have HER and HER BOYFRIEND'S genetic material and that's the ONLY REASON to have a baby" *cue hysterics*. I've heard similar sentiments before while I was growing up, that an adopted child is somehow second-class.

I think this has coloured my view - having a baby PURELY to pass on your genetic material is selfish. Having a baby because you love your partner and want to bring a child into a loving environment isn't - though I still stick by the opinion that more people should consider adoption when planning a child

HBS x

Wanting you own children is the most natural thing on this earth. It's not selfish, it nature.

While promoting adoption may be noble many also refuse to acknowledge the difficulties involved in that. From the approval process to the issues that can arise within the family from the child wanting to find their biological parents (although I guess that is also selfish to the must adopt crew), to the "you're not my real parents" throw back and the multitude of other issues people willing to adopt have to overcome.

Sadly the having your own child is selfish argument is often thrown about from people who do not want children, trying to deflect criticism that that decision can be interpreted as selfish. Trying to justify that decision as some sort of moral crusade to not over populate that planet, which is nothing but a lie to justify their choice in life.

Tropez

ringo_24601 wrote: »

It's also one of the fundamental driving forces of all life on earth!

No other form of life on Earth possesses the intellectual and emotional capabilities of humans and can be expected to understand the selfish (and indeed dangerous) nature of growth for growth's sake.

Jagraf

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Maybe I'm just jaded, and probably phrased myself badly!

I just remember a girl at my last workplace who refused to even entertain the idea of adopting because it "wouldn't be HER child because it wouldn't have HER and HER BOYFRIEND'S genetic material and that's the ONLY REASON to have a baby" *cue hysterics*. I've heard similar sentiments before while I was growing up, that an adopted child is somehow second-class.

I think this has coloured my view - having a baby PURELY to pass on your genetic material is selfish. Having a baby because you love your partner and want to bring a child into a loving environment isn't - though I still stick by the opinion that more people should consider adoption when planning a child

HBS x

The amount of time I've heard "real mum" or "real dad" in my time. I have to bite my tongue as a lot of people don't understand that you can love a non-biological child just as much. But that's their ignorance x

Jagraf

VestanPance wrote: »

Wanting you own children is the most natural thing on this earth. It's not selfish, it nature.

While promoting adoption may be noble many also refuse to acknowledge the difficulties involved in that. From the approval process to the issues that can arise within the family from the child wanting to find their biological parents (although I guess that is also selfish to the must adopt crew), to the "you're not my real parents" throw back and the multitude of other issues people willing to adopt have to overcome.

Sadly the having your own child is selfish argument is often thrown about from people who do not want children, trying to deflect criticism that that decision can be interpreted as selfish. Trying to justify that decision as some sort of moral crusade to not over populate that planet, which is nothing but a lie to justify their choice in life.

Nature = selfish. Natural is selfish. The definition of the word is becoming confused. If it is 'natural' to reproduce, it is also selfish. We do it for gene continuation and we are dong it for ourselves. I'm not saying that it wrong or right, but it is selfish, in the real sense of the word, which your have stated in your opening sentence.

And in my own very real experience, you can love a non biological child just as much as a biological one. And there are many, many children who need love (and I am also a biological parent).

seven-day-weekend

None of the options is selfish, and while adoption is a viable choice, many do not look upon the problems that can arise from it, as vestanpance says.

It's hard enough to bring up your own child from a newborn - it's even harder to bring up an older child who will almost certainly have all sorts of issues.

That's not to say it can't be done successfully - I know someone who adopted a sibling group of four, one with major issues, who have all turned out to be delightful young men and women - but it is not to be taken lightly and takes a very special sort of person. Bear in mind that you might not be that kind of very special person and therefore will not have the option to adopt, no matter how much you may think you want to.

Pollycat

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

None of the options is selfish,

Absolutely.

Why should anyone presume to judge another person's choice of having a family - be it their own child or adopted or simply to not have any children at all?

DFlights

I think that the argument of where our workers will come from in the future is a bit of a missed barb, as there are already a whole lot of people, of all ages but particularly it seems, younger generations, who are stuck on the dole through no fault of their own, or in revolving-door zero-hours contracts bouncing them from a few hours a week on a pittance back to the jobcentre, along with older people discarded from what would have been secure jobs but now redundant, part-time or just desperately jobless. Then there's the general poor growth of the damaged economy we're living in, the dismantling of workers' rights (long time ago you got full employment rights after six months' continuous employment, then it was a year, now it's two).
The lack of future workers won't be as much a population issue, as it will be a socio-political one. Besides which, those of us who choose not to have any biological children are still very much in the minority.
And a lot of younger women don't realise that they have a choice (not to have sex, to have safe sex, etc). I don't know of course what pressure young women and girls are under to conform to certain ideals, but we seem to have raised a generation of very confused females with serious self-esteem issues.

alias*alibi

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Found this written by someone in America. She's spot on.. If agreeing with this makes me a vile, self-centred person as someone called me above, then oh well!

"The breeding fad has been around for too long, and it needs to stop. You people are doing this for the wrong reasons. You don’t have children due solely to the urge to love, take care of, and raise a child with dignity and respect. You are having children for the worst reasons imaginable, and none of you have the presence of mind to think about why you want this baby so badly. (I have found it is usually along the lines of “Gee, honey what would a child of ours look like? Let’s find out.”)

Accidental babies. “Oops, I’m pregnant. Abortion is murder. So, I’ll just keep it.” First of all abortion is NOT murder. Consider it a man-made tier of natural selection. It is healthy and necessary. Think of it as removing a tumor, only with a fetus you don’t have to undergo chemo therapy afterward. Yes, it is hard to do, but so is raising a child if you aren’t ready or prepared to do so. Speaking personally here… I am one of the accidental children and it was horrifying. My mother had me at the tender age of 16. On several occasions thru life, my mother would get very drunk, and sternly informed me that I was an accident, and that my life was the utter ruin of hers. She married my drunken father, due to her pregnancy and hasn’t forgiven me since. I know damn good and well that it isn’t my fault… now. But these things are traumatizing to hear at age 7 and 9 and 14 and 15. She’s a good woman, but she was never suited to be a parent. Women who are not prepared for pregnancy are not prepared for motherhood. Simple fact. Maternal instincts are a myth. If you are “suited” to motherhood then you are suited for it. But don’t hold your breath and hope for the love of poopie diapers and high pitched screaming to overtake you in a wave of ecstacy. It will never happen.

Worse yet, some kids are born to women who can’t find stability in any other relationship. If they are pregnant, they’ll often rationalize it with “at least a baby will love me forever.” That is an incredible and unfair weight to put upon the shoulders of a newborn baby. Shame on you! Get a hamster! A baby is completely controllable and has no opinions of its own… temporarily. What will you do when they get older, you have to learn enough social skills to keep up with them? When you want to live a life, wide in variety and freedom, what will you tell your child? Remember your parents? So, do you recall the unfair expectations that they laid upon you during your tender years? Or perhaps you fondly remember their exceptional neglect due to an interest in other things? They were put under the same pressures as you, learn from their mistakes.

Here’s a good one. “My mother wants me to have kids.” “My mother wants me to get married… to a man.” I was raised to have the utmost respect for mothers. Particularly those who are old enough to be my mother. However, your mother had her shot at breeding. She can’t tell you what to wear anymore (and if she can, seek help). She shouldn’t be telling you when to breed, nor that you even have to in the first place. That is your decision! Stand up for yourself. Be an adult. You don’t have to have children if you don’t want to.

Let me break things down for you: Babies are cute sometimes. This a defense mechanism provided by nature, nothing more. One baby is just like another. It is not a precious and individual snowflake. It’s a yowling larvae sack!

Giving birth is not a “miracle”. Pregnancy is a chemical reaction and should be treated as such. A + B = Fetus. It was perhaps referred to as a miracle back in the days when people did not realize that sex and pregnancy had anything to do with each other. Women just brought forth life in those days without obvious cause or warning. But now a days we are well aware of the cause and effects, yet the “miracle” is spreading like the plague. Producing offspring will not… I repeat… WILL NOT make your life “all better”. It won’t make your life “complete”. It won’t heal your marriage. It won’t stop your husband from screwing around. It won’t make you more attractive nor cure your menstrual issues. And that “passing down the family name crap” lost any meaning centuries ago, and it only ever had meaning to men (the selfish !!!!!!!s)! It won’t provide you with someone who’ll care for you when you’re old. It won’t even provide you with a guaranteed Mother’s Day gift every year. These are lies and myths that you have been spoon fed from birth. The moment your mother had you she started training you for making babies! Children have been reduced to vanity projects. Happy to break it to ya, but you can get more love and fulfillment from pet store! Get a cat or a hobby! Volunteer at a Woman’s shelter. Help raise money for Cancer survivors without insurance. Take some pride in yourself instead of expecting a spit-gargling meat sack to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams with their mere existence.

Adoption. Now that is a time worthy endeavor. There are millions of children that have no one to care for them, with the exception of a government clerk that isn’t really required to “care”. I have asked people time and time again why they have given birth to children instead of adopting. I am often given half hearted excuses about there being couples out there that can’t have children and blah blah blah. This is utter !!!!!!!!. There aren’t enough non-breeding couples to house these helpless children. If there were, enough childless couples, foster care wouldn’t be such a nightmare. But it is.

Others who favor childbirth, do so because they feel that a child won’t mean anything to them unless it shares their bloodline. This line of thinking makes no sense to me. If this is such a problem, then perhaps you shouldn’t strive for children at all…just a suggestion.

My reasoning for advocating adoption is that if you adopt you have to really want it. You have to jump through hoops of fire and fill out paperwork and be completely committed to the pursuit of a child. Instead of, just realizing you’re pregnant one day and hoping that it turns out for the best. Therefore, using a baby as a vain attempt to permanently commemorate a beautiful loving and magical relationship that “mysteriously” breaks up once the child is born and reality officially sets in. No relationships are permanent. Only the effects are. I personally would rather tattoo my boyfriends name on my forehead then have a child with him. The former destroys fewer lives than the latter.

Bottom line. There is no reason to give birth. Pure and simple. If you want a baby so badly, you should pursue an avenue that has some dignity. Adopt a child, they are the ones that really need your love and care.

Abortion. Along with popular belief I am all for it! I saw a bumper sticker a few days ago (inspiring this little rant) and it said “How can you say there are too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.” Honetly! I followed this woman until she parked and then asked her if she pulled dandelions and other weeds from her garden! What are dandelions? Unwanted flowers! So, morale of the rant boils down to; be an adult and don’t breed. Adopt a child or get a pet. Educate our young women on the “miracle” with a lot more facts and less biased toward breeding. Make birth control and condoms available for anyone who is physically able to use it! Make abortion legal in all 50 states and keep it that way until we actually have some reason to give birth again. Stop reducing our gender to the role of “baby factory” and have some self respect. Thank you!"

I called you vile, self-obsessed and vain. My opinion hasn't changed. Not because of your choice of remaining child free but the utter carp you keep posting. Still; with all the money you will save remaining child free you might be able to afford a personality transplant to go with your cosmetic surgery when your 'youthful looks' start to fade. :cool:

annannanna

I also never really wanted children but got pregnant last year unplanned with my long term partner. Turns out it was the best thing ever, it's changed my whole perspective on life and I'm loving every minute.