Why should I have children???

ALIBOBSY

sulphate wrote: »

I personally think that people should only have children if they really want them. That sounds obvious, but as the daughter of a man who never wanted children, I think people overlook what the people in question actually want, and just expect them to do the whole marriage/kids thing.

If you don't want children or are ambivalent, don't be encouraged into doing something you don't want or aren't ready for. Because like someone else said, once you have one you can't change your mind!

I had alot of issues with my Mum over the years-I have posted about this before. But one of the most hurtful things is how all our lives she said how both myself and my sister were "accidents" and she never wanted kids. My sister and I are opposites in that I always wanted kids, have 4 and love every bit of having them and regret nothing. She never wanted kids and is now almost 40 and only recently married to a lovely guy who agrees with her.

Please only have kids if you really want them, my Mum really doesn't get my feelings on this and NEVER congratulated me on a pregnancy announcement. With the last two she dropped non subtle hints about abortions!!!

I love my kids and for me I cannot imagine not having had them. But I understand that as strong as my desire to have kids was and is, others can feel just as strongly they don't want them. Both are equally valid and we all should respect that.

Good Luck OP

Ali x

ALIBOBSY

Goldiegirl wrote: »

From a very early age, and I'm talking early teens I knew I didn't want children. When my friends spoke about getting married and having children, I could imagine the getting married part, but I couldn't imagine myself with children of my own. It was something that held no interest for me, and 40 years later, still holds no interest for me.

I did wonder if something would happen when I hit 30, and my biological clock started ticking. But there was never a single tick.

I think people should be given the credit for knowing their own mind.

I also think a perfectly valid question is 'why do you want / why did you have children'

I personally can't think of any positive answer for this, so I'd be interested to hear reasons why people have had children.

Both I am my husband had a strong desire to have children from being young and we have found having children to be an amazing expression of how strongly we love and care for each other. They are an extension and expression of our relationship and as they grow older wonderful little people we share our lives with. They have completed our lives in so many ways.

BUT it is challenging and hard, I actually love small babies and breastfed all mine for quite long periods. In fact I had 7 pregnancies in 12 years and breastfed constantly for about 16 years (sometimes feeding a baby and toddler). For someone who doesn't feel that maternal urge that probably sounds like torture lol.

I actually love all kids and am considering child minding or nursery work once the kids get older.
But even I would admit the loss of sleep in those early years is tough and some children when out and about can be a real PITA. For me its the parents I get annoyed with. I am constantly suprised by the number of people who feel they have to make a point of telling me how polite and well behaved my children are. Surely manners and behaviour are the very things parents should be passing on to their kids.

The change for a couple when that first child is born is massive and something I think some people underestimate, so I admire and utterly support the position that if you don't want kids you should absolutely be free to choose not to have them.

In some ways this reminds me of how many women treat each other, critising looks, weight etc. The whole sniping thing. If you work full time and have kids you are neglecting the kids, if you become a SAHM you are failing society, becoming a frump and not doing a real job!!

Bout time women pulled together and supported each others choices.

Ali x

Brighton_belle

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

But one of the most hurtful things is how all our lives she said how both myself and my sister were "accidents" and she never wanted kids.

Both accidents? Have you ever been tempted ALIBOBSY to point out that after one accident of something that was to her so disastrous, wasn't she just completely idiotic to fall twice?
I'm sorry you've had to endure such a bitter and nasty mother.

catkins

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Completely agree. I can't actually believe what I'm reading from some posters to be honest. I'm actually gobsmacked.


Nothing in the world would ever make me want my life any different. Our daughter (now 20,) is one of the best things to ever happen in my life. How people can say they regret having their children, or if they could turn back time they wouldn't have their children just baffles me, and I actually find it incredibly sad. There's a lot more I could say about this but I will leave it at that, and quit the thread now.

Of course it is sad that people say if they could go back in time they would choose not to have children. I personally think it is far better to regret NOT having children than regretting having them (not that I regret not having any). Sad or not though plenty of people say it.


Presumably people who abuse or even kill their children didn't think "they were the best thing that ever happened".


I know people who say their relationship started having problems when their child(ren) were born. Most of them are now divorced. Of course they may have divorced even without having children but it well known that children place a strain on a relationship and quite a few of the couples I know rowed constantly about their children (how to bring them up, schooling etc). Also figures show that childfree couples are far more likely to stay in happy relationships than couples with children.


I know people whose children have been in trouble, even been in prison, become drug addicts and generally given their parents an awful lot of grief. Can you not understand why those people would choose not to have any if they could go back in time?

dirty_magic wrote: »

I can understand why some people drag up every reason they can think of to explain why they don't want kids.

I guarantee that overpopulation wouldn't be the sole reason for anyone not wanting kids. The most likely reason is that they don't want the responsibility, commitment and lifestyle changes kids bring; overpopulation is just a useful bonus reason.

Overpopulation was ONE reason me and OH decided not to have children. There were plenty of others but not because of the responsibility, commitment or lifestyle changes.


Overpopulation, for us, was a huge genuine reason not a "useful bonus reason". That is just a very rude comment. Some of us care about the planet. Also, looking at youngsters that can't find a job, will probably never be able to buy a house etc makes me very very glad we didn't bring any children into the world.


We know all about responsibility and commitment as we have always had pets (dogs and cats). So all those supposed selfish reasons we chose not to have children such as wanting more money, wanting to travel, wanting to be able to do what we want when we want are not applicable. Animals are as much of a tie as children, if not more so. A dog will need care and attention all it's life whereas a child grows up and can do things for itself and doesn't have to have you at home with them almost constantly.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Literally shaking my head in disbelief at the 2 posts above ^^^

What worries me Catkins, is that I do believe that you are actually being serious.

For the record, I have never met ONE SINGLE PERSON who 'regrets' having children.

I think you just want to believe that people do.

No, I don't want to believe. I know damn well that some people regret having children or if not exactly regret, say if they could go back in time they wouldn't have any even though they do love their children.


Your comment is extremely rude and very silly. Just because you haven't met anyone that has said it. Would they dare say such a thing to you if they know how you feel? A lot of people feel that they can say such a thing to a childfree person as they will not be judged.


Look on the internet at articles or forums (even mumsnet) and you will see posts from people who regret having their children.
You live in fantasy land if you think that is not true.


I am in my 60's and have lived in quite a few different places in this country and abroad so have met many many people over the years. Quite a few were happy that they had children but quite a few were not

Rebel_Cause

No one will admit face-to-face to regretting having children, it is seen as an ultimate taboo nowadays, that is why you see alot of anonymous posts flooded on the internet and respondents telling them to

*To get a grip,
*Or you're so brave it will get better it's all worth it
*You should have used contraception, toughen up, that is the life you chose
*There are people out there that would kill to have children.

Having children is not for everyone, just like being of a certain religion or having a specific diet. When I say specific diet, I mean people who CHOSE to be vegetarians or vegans rather than doing it because it is because what a nutritionist recommends to prevent health problems.

supersaver2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I didn't try explaining it much; I wanted to focus on the human impact of the tsunami (he's a pretty clued up 5 year old).

He's more into human biology than geophysics anyway

Once kids are over 4, life is so much different than in the 'baby years' and it's a hell of a lot easier. Honestly, I didn't enjoy those first few years but now they're getting older it is much nicer. I'm looking forward to my 3 year old leaving his 'tiny mean person' phase.

Just reading through and soooo glad to read your last paragraph! I have a 3 year old nightmare, she is a genuine horror at the moment and roll on Monday when it's back to work and nursery! Come on November when she turns 4! Love her to pieces, but she is hard work at times!

Metarie

I do know a few people who regretted having children actually.

One is a very elderly lady who lives down the road from my parents. Both her husband and daughter are dead now sadly, but it's only recently she has started to talk about her regret at being forced into having her daughter when she didn't want to. Of course this was a very different time.

I also know a few people who have had three kids, who have admitted they would have stopped at two if they had realised how hard three would be. I don't think there's anything wrong with this view, it is after all borne from experience. It might be anathema to some, but it would be a boring world if we all held the same opinions.

Gloomendoom

Rebel_Cause wrote: »

No one will admit face-to-face to regretting having children,

Errrr... wrong. Two people have admitted to me. Face to face.

[Deleted User]

supersaver2 wrote: »

Just reading through and soooo glad to read your last paragraph! I have a 3 year old nightmare, she is a genuine horror at the moment and roll on Monday when it's back to work and nursery! Come on November when she turns 4! Love her to pieces, but she is hard work at times!

3 year old girls do the best and most horrifying tantrums! I wish you good luck!

Just has a nice day with my 3 year old boy... Films in the morning, out for lunch, softplay followed by the supermarket. On his own he is a darling!

Jagraf

The older mine gets, the more irritating I find younger kids! I wouldn't want to do little years again, didn't enjoy it at all. Much prefer teens.