Why should I have children???

Carmina-Piranha_2

Goldiegirl wrote: »

From a very early age, and I'm talking early teens I knew I didn't want children. When my friends spoke about getting married and having children, I could imagine the getting married part, but I couldn't imagine myself with children of my own. It was something that held no interest for me, and 40 years later, still holds no interest for me.

I did wonder if something would happen when I hit 30, and my biological clock started ticking. But there was never A tick.

I think people should be given the credit for knowing their own mind.

I also think a perfectly valid question is 'why do you want / why did you have children'

I personally can't think of any positive answer for this, so I'd be interested to hear reasons why people have had children.

This is an old-ish thread, but as for why I had children, well, it was unplanned. I wasn't maternal and didn't think I would ever have children, but at the tender age of 24 I had an unplanned child. I call it a pleasant surprise rather than the term 'accident'.

It was entirely my decision. Perhaps that's why I've never regretted it. My hormones were involved - I already felt maternal the week before I realised I was pregnant - I'd never had the slightest interest in babies before then.

If I hadn't had him though, I believe I could have happily lived child-free and never regretted that either. My second child followed the tick-tock of hitting 30, and I know it sounds patronising to suggest that you don't know your own mind at 27 but I reckon that half of my friends who were adamant that they'd never want children in their late 20's changed their minds before they were 32. The other half didn't, and are happily childfree in their 40's.

To the OP ... why should I have children, well, there's no reason why you should. If you don't feel an urge, then don't

SeduLOUs

I am 30 and still have no interest in having children. I haven't said 'never' though, and my partner is on the same page - probably not, but not completely closing the door.

I think if I do anything I would start fostering and feel like I am doing something useful for an unwanted child rather than bringing more into the world.

I have the same attitude with dogs and always adopt the unwanted mongrels and never understand why people keep breeding and paying for fashion dogs when there are thousands of lovely dogs already desperate for a home.

Everyone told me at 27 that I would change my mind. At 30 they are starting to believe I'm probably not going to! Even had the conversation with the parents after news of a family friend of similar age to me became pregnant - felt a bit sorry for mum as I'm her only opportunity to have grandchildren, but dad responded with "you probably got that from me, I never wanted kids either" - Charming!

LilElvis

SeduLOUs wrote: »

I am 30 and still have no interest in having children. I haven't said 'never' though, and my partner is on the same page - probably not, but not completely closing the door.

I think if I do anything I would start fostering and feel like I am doing something useful for an unwanted child rather than bringing more into the world.

I have the same attitude with dogs and always adopt the unwanted mongrels and never understand why people keep breeding and paying for fashion dogs when there are thousands of lovely dogs already desperate for a home.

Everyone told me at 27 that I would change my mind. At 30 they are starting to believe I'm probably not going to! Even had the conversation with the parents after news of a family friend of similar age to me became pregnant - felt a bit sorry for mum as I'm her only opportunity to have grandchildren, but dad responded with "you probably got that from me, I never wanted kids either" - Charming!

Are you seriously comparing the idea of fostering versus having a biological child to taking on a rescue dog rather than buying a pedigree?

If so then you really shouldn't even be trusted with a hamster.

[Deleted User]

I just saw this and thought of this thread



But since I just had quite a fun morning setting up a play post-office with my 3 year old, and explaining what a tsunami is to my 5 year old.. I'm not entirely in agreement with it!

(You try teaching a 5 year old about plate tectonics at 8am...)

SeduLOUs

LilElvis wrote: »

Are you seriously comparing the idea of fostering versus having a biological child to taking on a rescue dog rather than buying a pedigree?

If so then you really shouldn't even be trusted with a hamster.

Nope. I'm using my attitude towards homeless/unwanted/difficult to care for dogs as a an example personality trait that may go part of the way to explain why I feel the way I do about not wanting children.

I don't see any reason to overpopulate (dogs or children) when there are many unwanted (dogs and children) already in existence.

I haven't given fostering any serious thought. I just suggested that it is a route that I might consider doing some more research about in the future. I'm not going to wake up one day and suddenly decide to adopt or foster a child without giving it proper consideration practically, emotionally and financially - the system certainly wouldn't allow me to even if I did attempt something so naive.

heartbreak_star

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I just saw this and thought of this thread



But since I just had quite a fun morning setting up a play post-office with my 3 year old, and explaining what a tsunami is to my 5 year old.. I'm not entirely in agreement with it!

(You try teaching a 5 year old about plate tectonics at 8am...)

This whole post made me giggle - did you manage to get the tectonics explanation out?

Apparently I once woke my dad up in the middle of the night to ask him why bees hum, I think I was about 6!! :rotfl:

I promise I'm not one of these people who hate kids. I just have no desire to have any and other than running a mixed-age dance group, do not really have any involved in my life.

(A bit OT, but a nice festive story here - my friend went to watch her little brother (just turned 5) in his church group Nativity. Each child had a line of Away in a Manger, and he proudly got up and sang about the "Lord Cheeses". I'm not ashamed to say I howled with laughter on her behalf, bless his little heart!)

HBS x

[Deleted User]

I didn't try explaining it much; I wanted to focus on the human impact of the tsunami (he's a pretty clued up 5 year old).

He's more into human biology than geophysics anyway

Once kids are over 4, life is so much different than in the 'baby years' and it's a hell of a lot easier. Honestly, I didn't enjoy those first few years but now they're getting older it is much nicer. I'm looking forward to my 3 year old leaving his 'tiny mean person' phase.

Newlyboughthouse

LilElvis wrote: »

Are you seriously comparing the idea of fostering versus having a biological child to taking on a rescue dog rather than buying a pedigree?

If so then you really shouldn't even be trusted with a hamster.

:rotfl: wow calm down LilElvis. Actually this is a very valid thing to say. We have a problem with too many dogs in rescue centres and we have a problem with too many unwanted kids in care. I'm sure the poster can indeed be trusted with a hamster....

lori64

Never had kids, I'm 50yrs old and have never changed my mind since I knew at age 14yrs, they just were not for me. Maternal towards animals, but not kids.

AngelOfTheNorth

Having a child when you don't want one is a terrible idea, whether biological or adopted. You'll eff it up.