Why should I have children???

Jagraf

Lily-Rose wrote: »

:T Good post.

I for one have NEVER had a go at people for not having kids, but I had plenty of child-free people attacking me as a mother, (when I first had our daughter, and up until she was about 4 or 5.) They would tell me all the reasons why they have not had children, like they needed to justify it, and they'd claim that I was 'sad' and a bit of a loser and 'wrong' to have children, and that I will now have no life, no money, no holidays, no nothing.

Our money situation has been no different with having our daughter (now 20) to what it would have been without her.

We have had holidays abroad, we have been homeowners, we have had nice cars, and more or less anything when we wanted it over the years. We have money problems sometimes sure, but no more than we did when we were child-free. (We had our daughter in our early 30s.)

If anything, 18 years of being homeowners robbed us of a ton more money than having a child ever did, with all the multiple 10s of 1000s we had to pay out in repairs and maintenance!

We didn't even want kids when we met at around 21, and at around 29/30, luckily, we both changed our minds at roughly the same time.

Once we had our daughter, our child free friends were vile to us. 4 or 5 couples we knew, no longer bothered with us, as we had 'let the side down.' We made many new friends who also had kids, and later on (when our daughter was about 3 or 4,) we made new child free friends. It was the ones who were child- free and knew US as child free who were nasty when we had a baby. Some comments from them were actually quite evil and spiteful. I never understood it because I was never mean to people with kids when *I* was child-free.

As I said though, saying people are selfish for having children is a ridiculous comment.

And as you say, dirty magic, I do not understand why there is such vitriol between child-free folk and parents.

Goodness, that's a lot of falling out! Nothing that complicated with our friends, who range from zero kids to 4 kids.

supersaver2

I always feel sad when people say if they had their time again they wouldn't have their children. Of course it is extremely hard raising children, but so very rewarding. I feel these people must feel some resentment towards their children for whatever reason, I just hope this is well hidden from their offspring.

seven-day-weekend

Peter333 wrote: »

Not gonna lie. Re that 'essay' in post 275 (about Italy and Holland.) I just don't get it. :huh: Is the person that wrote it saying that having children is not what she expected and it has made her life less worthy and more miserable?

If so, how incredibly sad.

That's me for today: off to get some last minute Christmas bits and bobs and stocking fillers from the shops.

No, she is saying that although she had planned to go to Italy, after the initial shock of arriving in the wrong place she realised what a lovely place Holland was, although very different to Italy.

It's written by a person with a disabled child . 'Italy' is the world with a non-disabled child that she had planned. 'Holland' is the world with the disabled child and although it has different attributes to Italy, it's still a good place. She's saying if you spend all your life hankering after what might have been, you won't ever see the good in what you've got.

BarryBlue

Jagraf wrote: »

Goodness, that's a lot of falling out! Nothing that complicated with our friends, who range from zero kids to 4 kids.

I am aware of people who have lost their circle of friends after a baby arrived. In my experience it is usually down to them being baby-bores. They seem to be incapable of going anywhere without their little darlings and think that other people are so fascinated by them that no other topic of conversation is required.

seven-day-weekend

supersaver2 wrote: »

I always feel sad when people say if they had their time again they wouldn't have their children. Of course it is extremely hard raising children, but so very rewarding. I feel these people must feel some resentment towards their children for whatever reason, I just hope this is well hidden from their offspring.

I have no resentment at all towards my son and would not chose to be without him now. He was planned and wanted and I've never once wished we hadn't had him.

Just that if I was making my choices now, I wouldn't chose to have any children. Just because you spend the rest of your life worrying about them. Nothing to do with not liking my son!!

alias*alibi

Pollycat wrote: »

Well done, Thorsoak, for correcting the OP. :T

It's all well and good her saying this:

but maybe she should take her own advice and remember what she's actually posted.

I personally think the OP is one very mixed-up lady and agree with Thorsoak that she should put adoption out of her mind too.

I actually feel sorry for her OH in all of this.
I can just imagine her pontificating about 'over-population' to him.

The OP sounds vile; totally self obsessed and vain. She'd make a terrible mother so thank **** she's voluntarily taken her genes out of the gene pool.

thorsoak

At the risk of boring everybody senseless, may I add my views/experiences?

I'm 71 years of age, married at 20. 50 years ago, it was expected that girls would marry, leave work and have childen almost immediately. Not for us - we wanted to live a little before starting a family ...so we were rather avante garde in not having 1st baby until we'd been married for nearly 4 years. Even so, after no 1 son was born I went back to work, albeit temporarily, and worked month on, month off in tandem with a neighbour - much to the amazement of our other neighbours. When dd arrived, neighbour and I branched out into a small business, which ran until she and her family emigrated. This was just at the incept of the idea of playgroups - so started one up with other likeminded parents, and by the time No 2 son was born, was very involved.

This was also just as the Womens' Movement was coming to the fore, and my next step was college, to gain qualifications towards a CQSW for working with children/young people - gained my diploma two days before giving birth to No 3 son.

Having children did not hinder my career - I changed direction several times, but at all times it was a change which suited me and my family. OH and I stayed strong and close, we raised our children to be strong and loving and caring -now they are all raising their families in loving supportive relationships. We've not always had a great deal of money, but we've had lots of laughs (and tears) enjoyed great holidays and experiences.

Having children does not restrict one's life - but if you do not consider that children would fit into your life, please, please please - do not have a child just because it might seem to be the "next step" to take. Children need love - not things.

Lily-Rose_3

supersaver2 wrote: »

I always feel sad when people say if they had their time again they wouldn't have their children. Of course it is extremely hard raising children, but so very rewarding. I feel these people must feel some resentment towards their children for whatever reason, I just hope this is well hidden from their offspring.

Completely agree. I can't actually believe what I'm reading from some posters to be honest. I'm actually gobsmacked.

thorsoak wrote: »

At the risk of boring everybody senseless, may I add my views/experiences?

I'm 71 years of age, married at 20. 50 years ago, it was expected that girls would marry, leave work and have childen almost immediately. Not for us - we wanted to live a little before starting a family ...so we were rather avante garde in not having 1st baby until we'd been married for nearly 4 years. Even so, after no 1 son was born I went back to work, albeit temporarily, and worked month on, month off in tandem with a neighbour - much to the amazement of our other neighbours. When dd arrived, neighbour and I branched out into a small business, which ran until she and her family emigrated. This was just at the incept of the idea of playgroups - so started one up with other likeminded parents, and by the time No 2 son was born, was very involved.

This was also just as the Womens' Movement was coming to the fore, and my next step was college, to gain qualifications towards a CQSW for working with children/young people - gained my diploma two days before giving birth to No 3 son.

Having children did not hinder my career - I changed direction several times, but at all times it was a change which suited me and my family. OH and I stayed strong and close, we raised our children to be strong and loving and caring -now they are all raising their families in loving supportive relationships. We've not always had a great deal of money, but we've had lots of laughs (and tears) enjoyed great holidays and experiences.

Having children does not restrict one's life - but if you do not consider that children would fit into your life, please, please please - do not have a child just because it might seem to be the "next step" to take. Children need love - not things.

:T GREAT post Thorsoak.

Nothing in the world would ever make me want my life any different. Our daughter (now 20,) is one of the best things to ever happen in my life. How people can say they regret having their children, or if they could turn back time they wouldn't have their children just baffles me, and I actually find it incredibly sad. There's a lot more I could say about this but I will leave it at that, and quit the thread now.

Jagraf

Children can bring a lot of heartache too. Saying you regret having children doesn't mean you don't love the ones you have. I'm glad you love your daughter, so do I love mine, jut as everyone on here loves their children. But I'm glad she's older now. I didn't enjoy the early years,I found it stressful and I found it difficult. Not least because of a divorce in the middle.

Each persons experience is different. It doesn't mean they have less love, or are less successful at raising children than anyone else. But sometimes things go wrong and it makes things more difficult than you think.

seven-day-weekend

Jagraf wrote: »

Children can bring a lot of heartache too. Saying you regret having children doesn't mean you don't love the ones you have. I'm glad you love your daughter, so do I love mine, jut as everyone on here loves their children. But I'm glad she's older now. I didn't enjoy the early years,I found it stressful and I found it difficult. Not least because of a divorce in the middle.

Each persons experience is different. It doesn't mean they have less love, or are less successful at raising children than anyone else. But sometimes things go wrong and it makes things more difficult than you think.

Me too. I hated breastfeeding. I felt tied down. I worried about him (and still do, even though he has never given us a day's bother).

The main reason I don't want grandchildren is that it would be more people who I loved, to worry about.