Why should I have children???

fizz

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Told him I was getting sterilised. Didn't bat an eyelid

Why "just don't" for adoption? Not sure you're reading posts fully before responding... as said above if, IF I develop a maternal instinct, then it would be adoption. Should I not adopt ever then, even if I do develop the instinct?

Firstly. if he didn't bat an eyelid, then that's a problem-he is hoping that you will change your mind or he is calculating his age and thinking he can get rid in 5/10 years and go on to be a daddy:rotfl:

Secondly, adoption....if I was your SW, I suggest that you looked at stuffed teddies as at the minute you are treating children like a pick and mix.:cool:

Come back when you have grown-up. 5 years maybe? and I will gladly help.

fizz

DFlights wrote: »

Yes, that's how I read it.

FWIW I can see the points some are making regarding selfishness - there really is no reason to have children so it must be an inherently selfish thing? I don't know, I've never understood the need to have children, the thought horrifies me. Zero maternal instinct whatsoever.

Yes I agree as I never thought/wanted/desired children but then the tick-tock started and I could hear it ALL the time:rotfl:

She turned me from a totally selfish person...I was all me.me.me...into a person who put someone else's needs above mine. That was the strangest experience.

If you don't have the tick-tock...don't have kids:D

Newlyboughthouse

fizz wrote: »

She turned me from a totally selfish person...I was all me.me.me...into a person who put someone else's needs above mine. That was the strangest experience.

As per above, do you not think the act of having a child was selfish in itself? Wouldn't it be a whole lot more selfless if you had adopted instead and put their needs above your own?

Sorry if I'm talking out of turn, it's just apparently I have some 'growing up' to do :rotfl:

thorsoak

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I'd go as far as to say, having children is slightly egotistical. A vanity project. ADOPT IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO RAISE A CHILD! Enough children in need.

I find this thought process absolutely abhorrent, to be honest. If you don't want/like children, then you don't wan/like ANY children. Why should children who have already gone through more than enough upheaval in their little lives be adopted by people who dislike children? These children need parents who really do want children - any children.

To me, it would far more egotistical to say "oh I didn't want to have children - but I'll adopt".

I know people who have made a conscious decision to not have their own biological children but who have adopted children and they have worked really hard to ensure that their children know just how much they were loved and wanted.

Newlyboughthouse

thorsoak wrote: »

I find this thought process absolutely abhorrent, to be honest. If you don't want/like children, then you don't wan/like ANY children. Why should children who have already gone through more than enough upheaval in their little lives be adopted by people who dislike children? These children need parents who really do want children - any children.

To me, it would far more egotistical to say "oh I didn't want to have children - but I'll adopt".

I know people who have made a conscious decision to not have their own biological children but who have adopted children and they have worked really hard to ensure that their children know just how much they were loved and wanted.

God I wish people would read posts. Did I say I didn't like children? Please re-read and see that what I said was pretty much that we have no need for more breeding thank you. World is full!

thorsoak

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

God I wish people would read posts. Did I say I didn't like children? Please re-read and see that what I said was pretty much that we have no need for more breeding thank you. World is full!

Yes you did:

Post #237 "I promise you, he knows 100% I am not maternal, and he has accepted that I don't want to rear a child. If I do change, which could happen (but probably won't), then adoption will be the way forward.

Post #137 "Not yet. I keep saying how much I hate kids and things like, "this is why I don't want children" but not properly sat down set. Give me a few weeks - I'll update you when I have the chat."

Post #97 "Urgghhh can't imagine taking on someone elses' sprogs! I think the pool of suitors will rapidly decrease as I get older (if this one doesn't stick with me). But as I said, quite happy to be alone, or keep my youthful looks with plastic surgery that I'll be able to afford from not having kids "

Please, never, ever change your mind - children do not need a parent who thinks along these lines.

You are fortunate : you recognise that you are not maternal, and that you should never have the life of a child in your hands. Sadly there are still too many people who do have children - or adopt when they shouldn't really have charge anything more than a stuffed bear. Selfish people do not make the best parents.

I know. I am one of four sisters. Three of us are/were married with children - and all of us have had successful careers as well as raising families who are now happily raising their own families.

The youngest of us - spoiled and petted by us all - has always been self-centred, had a "glamourous" career, gloried in swanning in and out of our lives and said that there never would be any time or room for children in her life. She married late - a lovely guy who is 15 yars older than her - and now, as she is in her early 60s, she now voices the regret that she will never have the emotional support that I got from my children when my OH died. But she was right not to have had children - I love her dearly - but she would have been an emotional wreck and would have screwed up any children that she might have had.

supersaver2

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

God I wish people would read posts. Did I say I didn't like children? Please re-read and see that what I said was pretty much that we have no need for more breeding thank you. World is full!

You did say you hate children and hating children is a strong emotion to have. I don't think adoption sounds right for you, you are coming across as quite unsure what you want. I think you need to read your posts back before telling others to do the same.

Lily-Rose_3

The last few posts say it all.

The level of disingenousness coming from the OP is off the scale.

And I can't believe what I am reading from some posters on here, including the OP. Having children is selfish? I have read some bizarre posts on here, but this takes the biscuit!

That comment simply does not make sense, and is clearly a very feeble attempt by the child-free, to try to discredit people who have children.

I am also completely aghast at the small handful of people on here who seem to think that it's THAT EASY to adopt.

It really isn't.

topdaddy_2

Lily-Rose wrote: »

The last few posts say it all.

The level of disingenousness coming from the OP is off the scale.

And I can't believe what I am reading from some posters on here, including the OP. Having children is selfish? I have read some bizarre posts on here, but this takes the biscuit!

That comment simply does not make sense, and is clearly a very feeble attempt by the child-free, to try to discredit people who have children.

I am also completely aghast at the small handful of people on here who seem to think that it's THAT EASY to adopt.

It really isn't.

why o why isnt there a "no thanks" button? This is a post surely crying out for it!

dirty_magic

I agree with you Lily Rose. A lot of child free people use the 'the world is full' thing to explain why they don't want children. I think it's a way of justifying it to themselves. If you don't want kids that's fine, but it's not selfish to want to reproduce, it's nature!

I'm not very maternal myself, but I understand why people are. A lot of people don't understand people that aren't though! I've been told I'll be a sad lonely old woman and that I'm selfish for not wanting kids. I don't know why everything has to turn into an 'us against them', just live and let live!