Why should I have children???

lostinrates

catkins wrote: »

Can you tell me what is hate filled, bitter and twisted about my post please.


The truth is this country AND the planet are overpopulated.


Lots of friends, relatives etc have said me and OH would have made great parents and we have always given our nieces and nephews (who we would often look after from a very young age) lots of love and attention, taken them to fun places etc.


We decided not to have children partly because we do not think this is a nice world to bring children into and because we feel there are already too many people in the world. So we were thinking about potential childrens' futures. How exactly that makes us bitter and hate filled I fail to see. Caring about the planet? Caring about whether any children would have a happy life? Funny way you think

We get the 'you'd be great parents' too. And we are NOT technically child free by choice, I am infertile. However, we declined all intervention with this. This was most recently brought up by my new consulting physician this year. I am a prospect for surgeries after many years, but among other things these surgeries with mean childbearing will be impossible, intervention will not be possible. I've been advised I will need to have a psychological evaluation to cover this and other things.


If I were a dog or a cat or a horse and some one bred from me people would complain about the welfare and the poor breeding practices and the trap of breeding poor health and lack of fertility into a line or breed. Why should it be different for me?

I consider not chasing the desire to have a child that is genetically my own the most loving thing I could do for that child that never was.

I've chosen to make peace with it, and to move on from it. I feel joy for my friends when they announce pregnancies, I enjoy their children. Of course its not always that great, but, it can be so almost all the time of you resolve it so to be. I would Not have wanted more than two and probably only one as I feel quite strongly about the increasing population issues, regardless of my own situation.

I don't think one or other choice is necessarily selfish or selfish, either all the time or consistantly in any given situation. We're people, we make mistakes, and often those are to put our own needs first.

Newlyboughthouse

Just thought I'd update you all - he now 100% knows in no uncertain terms that I never ever want children. He even seems to have come round to my way of thinking and sees my points re: overpopulation etc. He even suggested adoption one day! Keeper!

Mojisola

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I have no maternal instinct

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Just thought I'd update you all - he now 100% knows in no uncertain terms that I never ever want children. He even seems to have come round to my way of thinking and sees my points re: overpopulation etc. He even suggested adoption one day! Keeper!

Please don't try for adoption unless you've found some maternal instinct.

Most children waiting for adoption have had a difficult start in life - they need very good parents!

Newlyboughthouse

Oh god I know, but if I ever did get a maternal instinct, it would be adoption over adding to the population any day!

Mojisola

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

He even suggested adoption one day!

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Oh god I know, but if I ever did get a maternal instinct, it would be adoption over adding to the population any day!

Are you sure he realises that you still don't really want to bring children - whether your own or someone else's?

Has he possibly taken your ideas of not adding to the population on board but not realised that you are serious in not being maternal?

It would be a shame for him to miss out on his chance of a family because he is still convinced you will change your mind about child rearing.

Newlyboughthouse

Mojisola wrote: »

Are you sure he realises that you still don't really want to bring children - whether your own or someone else's?

Has he possibly taken your ideas of not adding to the population on board but not realised that you are serious in not being maternal?

It would be a shame for him to miss out on his chance of a family because he is still convinced you will change your mind about child rearing.

I promise you, he knows 100% I am not maternal, and he has accepted that I don't want to rear a child. If I do change, which could happen (but probably won't), then adoption will be the way forward.

I told him I don't want him to waste his time with me when he could be starting a family with someone else. He chose me...

fizz

OP, if you are totally sure that you don't want kids then walk away...what is stopping you? You are poles apart from your other half, and no matter what he says, you will never be enough for him if he REALLY wants a baby. Go now and forge another life-be happy.
But think on-my clock started ticking at 30-the love of my life turned up at 31-and I NEVER,EVER WANTED KIDS!!!
Good Luck.

Fizz.x

Newlyboughthouse

fizz wrote: »

OP, if you are totally sure that you don't want kids then walk away...what is stopping you? You are poles apart from your other half, and no matter what he says, you will never be enough for him if he REALLY wants a baby. Go now and forge another life-be happy.
But think on-my clock started ticking at 30-the love of my life turned up at 31-and I NEVER,EVER WANTED KIDS!!!
Good Luck.

Fizz.x

Huh? Did you read my update?

So you think I should walk away from someone who is happy not to have children?

fizz

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Huh? Did you read my update?

So you think I should walk away from someone who is happy not to have children?

Huh? Have now, and I was just stating my experience and you sound just like me at that age:rotfl:

So, if you are serious, sit him down, tell him you are having your tubes tied and take it from there:eek:

As for adoption...just dont!

ineed

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Just thought I'd update you all - he now 100% knows in no uncertain terms that I never ever want children. He even seems to have come round to my way of thinking and sees my points re: overpopulation etc. He even suggested adoption one day! Keeper!

I haven't read the whole thread (just skimmed it) but wanted to say good for you for being so open about it . I'm also 27 and have never wanted my own children and luckily my partner feels the same. We have considered becoming foster carers for older children, 6+, in the future though.