Why should I have children???

Newlyboughthouse

Told him I was getting sterilised. Didn't bat an eyelid

Why "just don't" for adoption? Not sure you're reading posts fully before responding... as said above if, IF I develop a maternal instinct, then it would be adoption. Should I not adopt ever then, even if I do develop the instinct?

Pollycat

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Just thought I'd update you all - he now 100% knows in no uncertain terms that I never ever want children. He even seems to have come round to my way of thinking and sees my points re: overpopulation etc. He even suggested adoption one day! Keeper!

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Huh? Did you read my update?

So you think I should walk away from someone who is happy not to have children?

Of course you know your OH and we only know what you have posted but it sounds to me (and this is just my opinion) that if he's suggested 'adoption one day' that doesn't mean he's come round to your way of thinking is 'is happy not to have children'.

I can't quite see how discussions about over-population would have an effect on someone who - from your earlier posts - really wanted a family.

I hope it works out for you, I was lucky enough to find someone who had the same attitude to not wanting children.

Marisco

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

I completely understand (I chose not to have children myself) but if one of you does really want children, even if they're suppressing it, then be prepared for this need to hit that person like a hammer when they get older.

Ageing is a funny thing. When you realise you're running out of time, things that you thought you could live with suddenly become intolerable. Your priorites can turn on a sixpence.

What I'm saying is, even if you don't change your mind, he possibly, indeed probably, will.
That's not going to leave you in a good position in your late 30s and 40s, if not before. Be ready for that because I've seen it happen and it's not pretty. It's especially unpleasant for a woman discarded in this scenario. She often has no choice but to now take up with a man who already has children anyway because she has less choice. She didn't want children but she now gets another woman's children inflicted on her.

I would not even consider a long-term partnership with someone who didn't feel the same way I did. I think you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Although I chose not to have children and am still happy with that decision (I'm late 40s), I think there are many drawbacks to not having children and it can be a struggle to overcome them.
If either of you have even the slightest parental desire, now or later, it's going to be tough to get through that. I mean, it can be tough anyway but when one of you is now dealing with regret about what might have been, it's going to be quite the challenge.

Are there? What are they? I have 2 kids (now adults) but I can't really think of any drawbacks if I didn't have them though. Yes, it's good with grandchildren and great grandchildren, but if I'd never had them in the first place, I wouldn't know what it was like, so I'm struggling to see the drawbacks.

DKLS

Marisco wrote: »

Are there? What are they? I have 2 kids (now adults) but I can't really think of any drawbacks if I didn't have them though. Yes, it's good with grandchildren and great grandchildren, but if I'd never had them in the first place, I wouldn't know what it was like, so I'm struggling to see the drawbacks.

How many do you want? I could give you a million and 1 reasons why having a child would ruin my life. It wouldn't be a blessing or a miracle it would ruin my life.

Newlyboughthouse

DKLS wrote: »

How many do you want? I could give you a million and 1 reasons why having a child would ruin my life. It wouldn't be a blessing or a miracle it would ruin my life.

I think Marisco was saying there are no drawbacks to not having children - along the same lines as what you're saying

seven-day-weekend

DKLS wrote: »

How many do you want? I could give you a million and 1 reasons why having a child would ruin my life. It wouldn't be a blessing or a miracle it would ruin my life.

Quizzical Squirrel said there were drawbacks to NOT having children and Marisco queried what they were, not the drawbacks to having children

DFlights

Yes, that's how I read it.

FWIW I can see the points some are making regarding selfishness - there really is no reason to have children so it must be an inherently selfish thing? I don't know, I've never understood the need to have children, the thought horrifies me. Zero maternal instinct whatsoever.

Newlyboughthouse

I'd go as far as to say, having children is slightly egotistical. A vanity project. ADOPT IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO RAISE A CHILD! Enough children in need.

catkins

I too would like to know what the drawbacks are of NOT having children. I can see plenty if you do have children but none of you don't have any

DFlights

The only drawbacks I've suffered are other people moaning that I'm not having any! Mind you, as I've got older and remained steadfastly child-free, the grumbling has died down.