Why should I have children???

[Deleted User]

A new quote I like is "having one child is like having a pet, having two children is like having a zoo"

I went to a house warming party yesterday full of people with just one child (and under 2 year olds at that). I was a bit jealous of them after I had spent the entire morning stopping my two boys from arguing over their new toys. One child only is the way forward if you want less stress as a parent.

I feel like couples who don't have kids are the selfish ones,in the fact they are not contributing to the future of our society or soecies - they are happy for everyone else to put the effort in to produce the next generation of doctors, bin men, shop assistants, scientists.. When they are older they expect support from other peoples children rather than ones they raised.

It is their choice obviously, but I couldn't imagine being childless now. They are behaving today :-)

Pollycat

thorsoak wrote: »

Yes you did:

Post #237 "I promise you, he knows 100% I am not maternal, and he has accepted that I don't want to rear a child. If I do change, which could happen (but probably won't), then adoption will be the way forward.

Post #137 "Not yet. I keep saying how much I hate kids and things like, "this is why I don't want children" but not properly sat down set. Give me a few weeks - I'll update you when I have the chat."

Post #97 "Urgghhh can't imagine taking on someone elses' sprogs! I think the pool of suitors will rapidly decrease as I get older (if this one doesn't stick with me). But as I said, quite happy to be alone, or keep my youthful looks with plastic surgery that I'll be able to afford from not having kids "

Please, never, ever change your mind - children do not need a parent who thinks along these lines.

Well done, Thorsoak, for correcting the OP. :T

It's all well and good her saying this:

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

God I wish people would read posts. Did I say I didn't like children? Please re-read and see that what I said was pretty much that we have no need for more breeding thank you. World is full!

but maybe she should take her own advice and remember what she's actually posted.

I personally think the OP is one very mixed-up lady and agree with Thorsoak that she should put adoption out of her mind too.

I actually feel sorry for her OH in all of this.
I can just imagine her pontificating about 'over-population' to him.

seven-day-weekend

ringo_24601 wrote: »

A new quote I like is "having one child is like having a pet, having two children is like having a zoo"

I went to a house warming party yesterday full of people with just one child (and under 2 year olds at that). I was a bit jealous of them after I had spent the entire morning stopping my two boys from arguing over their new toys. One child only is the way forward if you want less stress as a parent.

I feel like couples who don't have kids are the selfish ones,in the fact they are not contributing to the future of our society or soecies - they are happy for everyone else to put the effort in to produce the next generation of doctors, bin men, shop assistants, scientists.. When they are older they expect support from other peoples children rather than ones they raised.

It is their choice obviously, but I couldn't imagine being childless now. They are behaving today :-)

Unless of course that one child has extra needs which he will still have even when he is grown up. When you see other peoples' children managing their lives without support from their parents, then it can be both upsetting and stressful. Our son and his girlfriend both have Asperger's syndrome and whilst they are both intelligent, with many skills and abilities, require support in their lives that other people in their 20s and 30s don't need.

This Essay always helps me (my husband hates it).


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.


So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.


It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."


The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.


But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

Gavin83

Lily-Rose wrote: »

For the record, I have never met ONE SINGLE PERSON who 'regrets' having children.

I think your being naive if you honestly think there isn't a single person who's had kids and then gone on to regret it. I think the reason you feel this is because its such a taboo to admit.

There's even been people on this forum who have confessed as such in topics of a similar nature in the past.

seven-day-weekend

Gavin83 wrote: »

I think your being naive if you honestly think there isn't a single person who's had kids and then gone on to regret it. I think the reason you feel this is because its such a taboo to admit.

There's even been people on this forum who have confessed as such in topics of a similar nature in the past.

I love my son and he was planned and wanted, and I will never regret having him....but if I had my time again with the benefit of hindsight I think we would have chosen to remain child-free.

Our son does not want any children and to us this is the best decision he could make as we have no desire to have grandchildren (although I'm sure we would love them if they arrived). Just more people to worry about.

Peter333

I don't think there is anything wrong with not having children at all, and I understand that many people who choose not to, do get a hard time. So I guess it makes them very defensive. My brother and his wife got married at 25-ish, and wanted to remain child free, but as soon as they got married, they got constantly badgered. CONSTANTLY. By work colleagues, friends, neighbours...not so much family though oddly.

They did have one at 33 in the end, as they started to get a bit broody when we had our kids. They had a little girl, and then as seven day weekend said, all they got was 'when's the next one then?!!!!' They never had another, and their daughter was about 10 before people stopped asking them!!! They were actually quite happy with one, and they adore her.

When me and my wife started a family, we also found our child free friends distancing themselves from us very badly, and a few did actually make some totally uncalled-for catty comments about children and babies. But having said that, we have a dear friend we have known for 30 years who never had children - wanted them but it never happened - and she said she has had numerous friends have children and then abandon her! So I guess it doesn't just happen to people who have kids!

Also, whilst I think people have a right to not have children, I do think the OP is a bit confused too. She has been contradicting herself a lot. She says she doesn't want kids, doesn't like them etc, but then says she will adopt. Probably not a good idea OP. Children are a wonderful creation, but it is a challenge being a parent at times, even when you planned them and wanted them!

Finally, I don't know anyone either who regrets having children (well none that would admit it LOL!) But I acknowledge that some people may regret it. I certainly don't, but I have to admit that it's not for the faint hearted, and it is a lifetime commitment, and you never stop being a parent. It can be hard work, but incredibly rewarding, and my wife and 3 kids are my world. If I could go back in time 30 years, I would not change a thing and would still have had them.

But I genuinely have no issue with people who don't want them. I don't think they are selfish at all, but then neither are people who have them LOL.

I can't see why people have loads though. I had 3 and that's enough!!!

Jagraf

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Unless of course that one child has extra needs which he will still have even when he is grown up. When you see other peoples' children managing their lives without support from their parents, then it can be both upsetting and stressful. Our son and his girlfriend both have Asperger's syndrome and whilst they are both intelligent, with many skills and abilities, require support in their lives that other people in their 20s and 30s don't need.

This Essay always helps me (my husband hates it).


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.


So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.


It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."


The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.


But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

I love your posts. Very often I go to type something and realise you have explained things even better.

Jagraf

Sometimes the word selfish can be misinterpreted.

The reason for having biological children is to ensure our genes live on. It doesn't mean we are being 'mean' or 'greedy' but we are actually doing it for ourselves, its a process designed to continue the human race.

Peter333

Not gonna lie. Re that 'essay' in post 275 (about Italy and Holland.) I just don't get it. :huh: Is the person that wrote it saying that having children is not what she expected and it has made her life less worthy and more miserable?

If so, how incredibly sad.

That's me for today: off to get some last minute Christmas bits and bobs and stocking fillers from the shops.

BarryBlue

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I feel like couples who don't have kids are the selfish ones,in the fact they are not contributing to the future of our society or soecies - they are happy for everyone else to put the effort in to produce the next generation of doctors, bin men, shop assistants, scientists.. When they are older they expect support from other peoples children rather than ones they raised.

What a ridiculous thing to say. People who choose not to have children are actually contributing to services and facilities they will never use. The real selfish ones are those who choose to have a large brood, often requiring the taxpayer to fund their lifestyle choice. Why would anyone want more than a couple of kids?

Lily-Rose wrote: »

For the record, I have never met ONE SINGLE PERSON who 'regrets' having children.

I think you just want to believe that people do.

Well I certainly have!


As another poster has said, I too would probably have chosen to remain childless, even though I love my daughter dearly. My present wife and I decided we were never having children and are very content with our decision.


I know several people who desperately regret having children. One friend had three. Because they were never cut out for parenthood they didn't have a clue and they were vile children. Nobody would visit them or invite them to anything because of their behaviour. They are all over 30 now and equally awful as adults. The friend admits, out of wife's earshot, that he regretted having all of them. Nobody would disagree with him!


Another friend, also with grown up kids, confided one night that, if he had his time again, he would never have had children or even got married. I was a lot more surprised by this but he was quite serious. These friends are not alone either, I have known several over the years who regarded having children as a choice they wish they had never made, or they had been more "careful".