Why should I have children???

Jagraf

supersaver2 wrote: »

I always feel sad when people say if they had their time again they wouldn't have their children. Of course it is extremely hard raising children, but so very rewarding. I feel these people must feel some resentment towards their children for whatever reason, I just hope this is well hidden from their offspring.

This isn't at all what people are saying.

BarryBlue

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Completely agree. I can't actually believe what I'm reading from some posters to be honest. I'm actually gobsmacked.

Nothing in the world would ever make me want my life any different. Our daughter (now 20,) is one of the best things to ever happen in my life. How people can say they regret having their children, or if they could turn back time they wouldn't have their children just baffles me, and I actually find it incredibly sad. There's a lot more I could say about this but I will leave it at that, and quit the thread now.

But who are you to judge other people and tell them what they should feel? How would you feel if people were judging you in some way for choosing to have children? It's up to individuals how they feel about children. I can imagine you being one of those people who would be tut-tutting at young couples who said they had chosen to be child-free.


I wrote in a previous post about a friend whose three children have been a constant source of misery and trouble for over 30 years. They have dominated and ruined his life. They have scrounged and stolen from them, assaulted them, smashed up the family home, and he was always in fear when the doorbell went if it was someone after money, someone looking for trouble, or the police. Go and tell him that you can't understand why he regrets ever having them.

seven-day-weekend

Whilst agreeing with what Barry said above, can I please point out that I do NOT regret having my son. The three of us have an excellent relationship which is the envy of some of our friends. We're all happy.

It's just that with the benefit of hindsight, I would chose to remain child-free, for a number of reasons.

Rebel_Cause

I can see both sides of this debate.

I have said it before on another post, you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If you DO NOT have children....
How and who are you being selfish if you do not have any children, especially unwanted ones into the world? Unless you are depraving your parents being grandparents? Or siblings being uncles and aunts etc. I have had colleagues rant to me where they say their parents say "I want to see MY grandchildren" like they are some sort of pawn! The trouble is, people allow themselves to be dictated to and told how to live their lives and fear they will be alienated if you do not do what is expected or common in today's society. Trouble is, people do not think about themselves, they just do things to become accepted by the masses and by people who do not really care for them. People do not like what is different, so they feel threatened when there is someone who wants different things in life to them. I have had colleagues tell me to have children because I am a woman. Mainly from a religious woman, she was waiting for someone as pure as her and she felt that her life was being wasted waiting for a man and I have one already.

You are selfish if YOU DO have children...
I can see why some childfree people mention that the planet is overpopulated and there are plenty of children in homes waiting to be fostered or adopted. I know it is not easily to adopt. There are people that post incessant pictures of their kids on social media and just want the 'likes' and comments. There are even people who get their nose out of joint if they are pregnant and another member of the family or an sister in law is pregnant too, as though their thunder has been stolen. It is like they want the attention and fuss all to themselves. Same could be said about siblings getting married around the same time. I knew a guy that was annoyed and melodramatic that his sister was getting married 6 months after him!!! :eek::eek:

There are people that have kids and cannot wait to dump them on whoever so that they can have 'date nights' or have those special weekends alone before kids came along. and then brag on forums or social media calling themselves 'childfree for a day/weekend/night.' No, if you are a parent, you are not childfree. Childfree refers to people of child-bearing age that choice NOT to reproduce. It is like calling yourself a carnivore and then proclaim to be a vegan when it suits them.



I have chosen not to have children. I have even had friends who are in their late 40s who are also childfree tell me to have children because they do not want me to miss out. I tell them that they sound like a broken record and those people that like to spread the 'Good News' when they knock your door! :rotfl:

The way the world is and not to mention the country, I feel sorry for the next generation, it is very much dystopian times. What with lack of housing, school places, NHS issues, depraved people in everyday life and in professions of care taking advantage of children, I am glad I do not have this to worry about.

Live and let live.

If you want to have children, have them, if you don't, don't. It is your life, do not allow others to live vicariously for you. Things and choices in life are not for regretting. I think it is quite admirable to know what you want in life, such as not wanting marriage or children, you know, the typical things in life. As long as you and your significant other are happy as you are, that is all that matters.

seven-day-weekend

^^^^Absolutely agree

Rebel_Cause

Also, if some are surprised by other posters saying they 'regret' having their children, you may be amazed what you read if you type in 'I hate being a mother/father' into a well known search engine. Those are really quite shocking. But yet so honest because alot of the anonymous posters on there are seeing that is not a walk in the park as other people promised it would be. The respondents are saying well done on being brave to admit they are struggling.

Toomuchdebt

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Literally shaking my head in disbelief at the 2 posts above ^^^

What worries me Catkins, is that I do believe that you are actually being serious.

For the record, I have never met ONE SINGLE PERSON who 'regrets' having children.

I think you just want to believe that people do.

I have 6 and although I do love them I also regret having 6 of them. I underestimated how hard having 6 would be, how little support I would ever have and how little time I would ever have for myself. And as I get older I feel this more and more. I wish I had stopped at 3.I would feel differently if I wasn't a single parent.I wouldn't dare admit this to anyone in real life.I also regret having dogs for the same reason-I can never do anything or go anywhere or even have a lie in because either the dogs or kids wake me up-as a result I am permanently exhausted. I have very few friends-none have a lot of children and I envy them their lives. No doubt I'll get some hate for writing this.

BarryBlue

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Whilst agreeing with what Barry said above, can I please point out that I do NOT regret having my son. The three of us have an excellent relationship which is the envy of some of our friends. We're all happy.

It's just that with the benefit of hindsight, I would chose to remain child-free, for a number of reasons.

This, precisely.


It is not about regretting them or resenting them. I'm like you in saying I'd have done it differently, not least because of the fact that my first wife and I didn't stay together. It's a bit complicated and not for here, save to say that I should never have married her. I too would choose to be child free in hindsight.


This is very different from the friend I referred to. He has regretted having them for years and if they all emigrated tomorrow I know he would happily wave them off in the knowledge he would never see them again. He and his wife have been together since the age of 16 and he is now realising, far too late, that he has missed out on so much in life without getting any rewards of being a parent. I'm also fairly sure that, without the children, he would have left his wife many years ago.

seven-day-weekend

((((((toomuch debt))))) thank you for being honest xx

Toomuchdebt

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

((((((toomuch debt))))) thank you for being honest xx

You know I'm feeling so crappy today that the fact that you've been nice about this has actually made me cry.