Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

pickledonionspaceraider

This sounds awful greenwood lad.

The thing is, you have bowed down to them immediately and for six years now so nothing is going to change. IMO you should have asserted yourself immediately and nip the problem in the bud

These people sound like vile snobs. There is no way I would put up with anyone telling my children not to play in our own back garden/or how to live.

One of our neighbours tried to start a dispute with us, on the day we moved in. He was told in very firm terms to back off, and he did. After the moving in day incident, all we have had is a curt 'hello' from this neighbour, and that suits me great, as I woudn't want to associate with him

I think some folk who have lived in an area for a long time, seem to think they have some kind of ''right'' to tell incomers how to behave. Hmmm

greenwoodlad

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I had wondered about that. I also wondered whether the OP was not happy in her own skin and defined herself by the value and size of her house,(she has mentioned it often enough), maybe her family WERE noisy and maybe the neighbours are just getting on with their own lives.

Maybe the neighbours see them as stuck up and snooty because they (the neighbours) are never invited to the OP's house and the OP's family never join in any communal events.

When we lived in a village in Spain there was one (British) couple who never joined in with any village events and we always wondered why they bothered living there. My husband and I made a point of speaking to them, but none of the other expats did, they saw them as aloof and snooty.

When in a village you need to get involved. You don't live the same way as when you were townies.

Two sides (at least) to everything.

(FYI, I have a mid-terrace house in the urban outer city and wonderful neighbours ).

Thanks for your post , I'm the OP and I'm male ...if you had read my earlier posts you would have seen that I had explained that my wife and I work long hours, nights ,evenings and Saturdays/ Sundays and I sure you will appreciate this is unfortunately when most village events happen so yes we have been mainly unable to join - So often you can't just "get involved" owing to commitments ..Also if you read my original thread you will see that the issue was the neighbours were rude and snooty with us from day 1 about our children playing etc - we have made an effort , we have been polite from when we moved . I also said we have been to events / gatherings during our time here whenever we could - but we have felt like outsiders , we have tried to join the school committees etc - but these clique of villagers ensure their friends get on the committees.

....why are posters implying that I am obsessed with the size of my house ? I stated it was a 5 bed house only to show that the neighbours could expect to have a large family in it and I have not mentioned it that often - about twice in the whole thread !

pollypenny

oystercatcher wrote: »

I was always brought up to 'play quietly in the garden' and encouraged my children to do the same. It seems basic good manners not annoy people. Children need to learn self control and consideration of others.

Poor kids!

Children need to run around and sometimes be noisy! I have fond memories of playing cowboys and Indians in the garden, and indeed in the street.

The children built castles and dens in our garden, which would be raided and defended with great enthusiasm. This is not to say that they didn't also curl up with a book or do some painting quietly.

Our cul de sac is of family houses, sadly no kids here now, but I love to see and hear two visiting grandsons playing.

seven-day-weekend

greenwoodlad wrote: »

Thanks for your post , I'm the OP and I'm male ...if you had read my earlier posts you would have seen that I had explained that my wife and I work long hours, nights ,evenings and Saturdays/ Sundays and I sure you will appreciate this is unfortunately when most village events happen so yes we have been mainly unable to join - So often you can't just "get involved" owing to commitments ..Also if you read my original thread you will see that the issue was the neighbours were rude and snooty with us from day 1 about our children playing etc - we have made an effort , we have been polite from when we moved . I also said we have been to events / gatherings during our time here whenever we could - but we have felt like outsiders , we have tried to join the school committees etc - but these clique of villagers ensure their friends get on the committees.

....why are posters implying that I am obsessed with the size of my house ? I stated it was a 5 bed house only to show that the neighbours could expect to have a large family in it and I have not mentioned it that often - about twice in the whole thread !

Sorry I got your gender wrong.

There are cliques, sometimes...and I have heard about English villages that they don't like incomers...however I was just trying to say that maybe all your neighbours see is that you never join in and think you are snooty. You said yourself that you keep yourselves to yourselves. They don't know your circumstances.

Why not have an event yourselves and invite them? Then if they don't come you'll know that it's because they are actually ignoring you, and not that they think you are too aloof.

greenwoodlad

Thank you all the genuine people out there who have contributed to my thread so far - you have given me great advice , help and home truths too, above all you have been constructive and shown a bit of empathy to our situation :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

As usual there are some posters who trawl the forums and add sarcastic and unhelpful posts in the hope that they can get a cheap rise out of the person who is seeking help, egotistic and needy individuals obviously who have little else in their lives ..well no cheap rise from me - just honest, clear and good humoured replies to keep the thread full of peace and love X
:A

SavingPennies_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

Wow, snobville central! What horrible, arrogant stuck-up people these sound. These do NOT come across to me as middle class, but maybe working class who made a few bob/got lucky etc. They sound like people who are trying to be something they're not to me. I know many (genuine) middle class people, and upper class too, and they are lovely.

We live in a small market town, and there are many farms and big (I mean VERY big) homes nearby, (seven figure sum homes!) and they are full of middle and upper class folk, and they are really nice; often inviting us to garden parties, and for a coffee or for dinner. The people from the Church are nice, the people who run the local shop are nice, and the people who live in the little section of social housing (about 50 properties,) are nice, and nobody makes them feel like they're lower than them because they rent.

Of course, nobody is perfect and we aren't always jolly and happy all the time, but on the whole, it's a lovely, friendly place to live.

I am not sure what advice to give you, except to move. Because they sound unpleasant and arrogant TBH. I would not tolerate living around such people. Frankly, you sound very nice, and so does your family, and I do believe that nothing you say will change these peoples attitudes. Frankly, they sound a bit weird to me.

I certainly would not be trying so hard to impress them or to be 'accepted.

I was thinking at first that you may be trying to hard, but from what you have said, they sound awful.

makeitstop - well spotted this is such a snobbish and rude post...oh they cant possibly be real middle class people, because real middle class people are lovely and nice...they must be working class!


Oh and the "little section" of social housing (stressing there's not many "only 50").. we don't make them feel lower than us just because they rent...ah how nice.


I actually don't know whether to take offence or just laugh!

greenwoodlad

My original post where i said we feel like a working class family in a middle class street ...have heard what you all have to say , I think we moved to the wrong village.

I think its as simple as this - my wife and I had secondary school education , so do our children , we have not been "high fliers" academically - but we are no better or worse than other families - my wife works in a supermarket and I am a gardener , my son has a good apprenticeship- through working our way up and some luck in the property market we have been able to buy our home but we are in a development where nearly every one of the other families are like i said lawyers, doctors, a pilot, a headteacher etc.

My view is that we don't fit in because of this and the neighbours don't want us to be there or don't associate with us as we are a different "social group" if you like... the snobbery does seem to be about the education of your children as well.... of course nobody would admit they are being like this.......

EXAMPLE.. the other families in the street are obsessed with their offspring getting into the grammar school, they will not allow then to go to the comprehensive school (where my kids go) - they get tutors for their 9 year old's so they can pass the 11+ exam...whereas we think this is ridiculous if your son / daughter cannot pass an entry exam for a grammar school without intensive tutoring ? They shouldn't be going ...you are setting the child up to fail... Are the parents still going to be paying for tutor when they go to Uni......?

Does anyone agree or can anyone see this ? or do you think this is not the case??

lionelator

It sounds like you're very unhappy in the neighbourhood. And it sounds like the neighbours are unhappy you're there.
Why not try and sell and move somewhere where you'll be happier? I know I would. Since it's such a snooty type of place, I'm sure you'd get your money back and a bit more.
Why live in a place that makes you sad?

Tiddlywinks

You don't fit in because you moved into a quiet street where everyone kept to their own space and no-one made a noise... whereas you had children play in the street and in the garden.

The house you moved into went from being occupied by one old lady to being occupied by a family with all that entails.

Whatever the rights and wrongs - you just didn't fit in with that street.

It's not snobbery, it doesn't matter whether it is a 5 bedroomed house or a 1 bed bungalow... you were just different to the others.

Suck it up or move... why should they change for you any more than you change for them?

Gloomendoom

I had some experience of this and I suspect that it was a contributory factor in the break up of my first marriage.

I grew up in a village and don't like urban living. My ex-wife was a city girl and never settled in the village. She used to get annoyed with me because people would stop and talk to me but not her. She wanted to know how I knew the people. Why did they talk to me etc. She also complained that people seemed to look down on her and treated her as if she wasn't good enough. I'm not sure if it was true but she was certainly miserable.

In the end we split up, I stayed in the village and she moved to a house right in the middle of a town. My idea of hell.

Good luck OP. I hope you make it work.