Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

makeitstop

SavingPennies wrote: »

makeitstop - well spotted this is such a snobbish and rude post...oh they cant possibly be real middle class people, because real middle class people are lovely and nice...they must be working class!


Oh and the "little section" of social housing (stressing there's not many "only 50").. we don't make them feel lower than us just because they rent...ah how nice.


I actually don't know whether to take offence or just laugh!

Just laugh, it's all that warranted in truth.

I made the points I did because it was no doubt written in good faith, but was obviously not well enough considered before hitting "post".

Anyone with a brain only has to read the words and consider the context to see that there is a clearly defined mindset towards people and their "apparent" class.

Sad really isn't it.

makeitstop

PasturesNew wrote: »

The OP moved to what they saw as a "better area", now most replies seem to mock this "better" and encourage the OP to turn it into the sort of place the OP wouldn't have chosen to live in.

OP, you chose the "better area" and it's better for a variety of reasons, including the ways and customs of the people who live there..... if you want to keep it a better area you need to become more like them, not set out to prove you're their worst nightmare.

Their disapprovals are showing you the way....

What a pile of tosh.

How do you define "better".?...for who and in what way.?

If the OP percieved it as being better before moving there, it's hardly his fault if others in this thread are "mocking" the area for the apparent behaviour / attitude of the people within the area. He just asked the questions and sought opinions.

Lets be clear....

He has written this post only after living there for six years, so it's not as if he is a new arrival whining about the neighbours is it.? He clearly sees this as a pattern of sorts that he and his family have no doubt come to understand is real. Whether that be the fault of the villagers or his family, we cannot know for sure. All we can do is comment on the situation as we see it and share our views.

He has not said he's looking to turn it into somewhere he does not want to live, only that he wishes it were different in respect of feeling his family and he were more accepted. We cannot really know why this is the situation, but, it certainly does not indicate that it's due to it being a "better" area, and that this family need to change.

Furthermore, I am certain the OP has the good sense to ignore the posts that encourage the sort of poor behaviour that is likely to diminish any chance of forming friendships with the neighbours. However, to claim he and his family need to change, and to allow others to "show him the way" by their disapprovals.? I don't think so my friend.

What a pile of patronising crap that is.

makeitstop

Better_Days wrote: »

Interesting thread.

After 6 years it may be hard to for you to re-start, but we have found half a dozen eggs with a little note left on the step of various neighbours to be well received (we moved into our current village last December). Also Christmas cards to all the immediate neighbours.

Yesterday we were left some apples and some grapes for the chickens (I happened to mention to a neighbour that the chucks would sell their little chicken souls for a slice of grape). Would any of your neighbours welcome 'surplus plants' or 'surplus biscuits' when baking? - you get the idea.

Different people have different tolerance levels when it comes to children. We had my brother, SIL and three children stay with us recently and they seemed immune to the sheer racket three children can make when you are used to a quiet house/garden.

So if your neighbours were not used to the noise from children I can understand that they may have found it very noticeable when you first moved in. Of course it is only reasonable that children should be able to enjoy the garden, but not so they disturb all those around repeatedly and for long periods of time. If you want more harmony in such a village there has to be some give and take. Even if it is a 'sorry the children were so noisy yesterday, they had friends round, and were excitable'. Which is exactly what my neighbour said to me a few weeks ago. And I apologised for the noise my nephews made. Just showing that you have an awareness of the impact you have on those around you can go a long way.

And those ruddy trampolines are the work of the devil :D Shrieking children playing for hours on a trampoline are not conducive to neighbourhood harmony. I can understand how children have lots of fun on them, but it does reduce the neighbours ability to enjoy their garden if there are kids shrieking and popping up over the fence line repeatedly. Mind you, our neighbours house is on the market and they are away on holiday. Yesterday there was, either the EA or a viewer, jumping up and down on the trampoline having a good look into our garden. Bloomin' cheek!!

I must admit I would have thought that it would be easier to integrate if you do have children, but it would seem that you are unlucky in that the local parents are very competitive regarding their children's abilities. I bet they all do x, y, z 'well for their age' ;)

It seems to me from your comments that the people in your village don't share your core values. I'm not convinced that you will ever be totally happy or comfortable there, as neither you, nor they are likely to change significantly.

That's a great post.

pollypenny

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I agree but it's quite annoying when children are being noisy in a residential area when there's a perfectly good park for them to play in as the OP says there is where he lives.

It very much depends of the ages of the children.

I think most parents would want their kids nearby, where they can keep an eye on them.

Tiddlywinks

pollypenny wrote: »

It very much depends of the ages of the children.

I think most parents would want their kids nearby, where they can keep an eye on them.

So, take them to the park and 'parent' them.

Don't chuck them out the front door and leave them to annoy the neighbours.

missindecisive

Sorry not read the whole thread.

Op. I sympathise with you. Live your life how you want to...bring your kids up how it suits you. Stuff em. They're not worth knowing..horrible vile people.This is precisely why I couldn't live on a development...too many people in your face.comparing notes and competing.I'm sorry if that offends anyone but I lived on a development once and had to leave there..couldn't stand it.

Scrapaholic

I also haven't read the whole thread . We don't live on a development or in a village but in an area that's considered good . Our children played in our garden and it's a quietish area . Looking back, our next door neighbours went to their cottage nearly every weekend , wonder why ! Now, our children have grown and moved out and other people's children are in the surrounding gardens , playing , shouting etc . We wouldn't dream of complaining as it's quite nice to hear the young ones . Our grandchildren also enjoy playing outside . Anyway, we very rarely see our neighbours but all are pleasant to speak to . Don't feel as if we have to be best friends . We know people who do live in a village and hardly anyone speaks to them ,only about two people . They're hoping to move. They said they thought people were different in country villages , quite insular . Sorry you don't feel as if you're accepted where you live . From what I did read , they sound like the kind of people I wouldn't want to be my friends .

OrkneyStar

I don't want to argue. I simply noted that you seemed to put a lot of emphasis on the size of the house, or more specifically, how many bedrooms it had. Perhaps, without meaning to, this is coming across like it is one of the most important things in your life, something to aim for, when really it is just a material thing you have. I appreciate you have worked hard for it and perhaps deserve it too. If you were wanting to make the point of it being a family sized house say just that and leave out just how many bedrooms it has! For the record I do think you deserve to enjoy where you live, for your kids to have fun, to have the life you imagined, perhaps a little more research would have told you whether or not this particular area was a good fit or not, but of course hindsight is a great thing! In all honesty I am not sure I would fit in the area either, as they don't sound that friendly or neighbourly, that said no-one HAS to associate with their neighbours or be best friends, civil is sometimes the best you will get, if even that. Where I live someone always thinks someone else is a snob and someone else is a, um, ned/pleb/common, and they are the happy middle ground- of course that's perspective, and we all have our opinions, right or wrong. Please take my comment as it was meant, a slightly sarcastic jibe, and I only said what a lot of others were thinking judging by the response. I don't give two hoots how many bedrooms, bathrooms, conservatories, or whatever else you have- it makes no difference to me, or to anyone other than you and your family!

pollypenny

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

So, take them to the park and 'parent' them.

Don't chuck them out the front door and leave them to annoy the neighbours.

That is so condescending and impractical .

Where do children play when mum is cooking or ironing etc? :cool:

Perhaps you'd prefer them stuck on a computer or in front of the TV.

For goodness sake, let children be children, especially in their own back garden.

missbiggles1

pollypenny wrote: »

It very much depends of the ages of the children.

I think most parents would want their kids nearby, where they can keep an eye on them.

Surely one of the main ideas of moving to a "nice" rural area is that your children can live a more relaxed lifestyle and go off to have adventures away from their parents just as we did when we were young? If you're going to view this sort of environment as threatening, you might as well stay in the town or city.