Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

seven-day-weekend

I must admit, in my only experience of village life, when I lived in Spain,I found it much too 'close'. Although everybody was friendly, you WERE expected to join in with village events, people stopped you coming back from the shop to see what you'd bought, you couldn't go anywhere without having to stop and talk to someone. I did all this as it was part of village life, but sometimes I did miss living in the city where I didn't have to go anywhere or speak to anyone unless I chose.

Village life is totally different to city life and some of us are just townies at heart. Maybe the OP and his family are like this.

dandelionclock30

OP is one of your sons called Sheridan? and does your sister have a garden with room for a pony? and is your husband called Richard?

carefullycautious

These people seem really uptight and anal!

I expect if you delved a bit deeper they are secretly envious of your relaxed lifestyle and happy well adjusted children.

Give yourself a big pat on the back for what your have achieved house wise. However, I know I could not stay somewhere where I could not relax or let my children behave as children.

I have exactly the same problems you have but in the workplace and with some adult family as I do not choose to live as others do and that marks me out as different.

It can be a lonely path but I try to make contact with people of like minds.

Oh and my children went to a local comp and have excelled in their chosen careers.

When your children have flown the nest maybe you can move somewhere you feel more comfortable.

sharnad

FBaby wrote: »

Can't say for your situation but we had new neighbours moved in a few weeks ago, they seem nice enough BUT they have 3 kids who are incredibly loud and boisterous in the garden and it is making it a nightmare for us to enjoy our garden. They have their trampoline right by our fence and they play on it for hours pretending to do catch. The parents are never there and certainly Hebrew never heard them tell the kids to keep the noise down. The first time we said that the children were noisy but the response was ' they're just being kids'. We know that confronting them further will only make things worse so we ignore them. I find it hard to understand how they can't appreciate how unpleasant the racket their kids make is.

You should taken them round a cake and a bottle of wine and explain a a horrible accident by our heard about involving unsupervised children and a trampoline

sharnad

Try and get involved in events in the village, you might meet a couple of nice neighbours just the ignore the horrible ones ans let your children play as much as they want

Errata

greenwoodlad wrote: »

EXAMPLE.. the other families in the street are obsessed with their offspring getting into the grammar school, they will not allow then to go to the comprehensive school (where my kids go) - they get tutors for their 9 year old's so they can pass the 11+ exam...

You seem to know an awful lot about neighbours who ignore you.

PasturesNew

The OP moved to what they saw as a "better area", now most replies seem to mock this "better" and encourage the OP to turn it into the sort of place the OP wouldn't have chosen to live in.

OP, you chose the "better area" and it's better for a variety of reasons, including the ways and customs of the people who live there..... if you want to keep it a better area you need to become more like them, not set out to prove you're their worst nightmare.

Their disapprovals are showing you the way....

Better_Days

Interesting thread.

After 6 years it may be hard to for you to re-start, but we have found half a dozen eggs with a little note left on the step of various neighbours to be well received (we moved into our current village last December). Also Christmas cards to all the immediate neighbours.

Yesterday we were left some apples and some grapes for the chickens (I happened to mention to a neighbour that the chucks would sell their little chicken souls for a slice of grape). Would any of your neighbours welcome 'surplus plants' or 'surplus biscuits' when baking? - you get the idea.

Different people have different tolerance levels when it comes to children. We had my brother, SIL and three children stay with us recently and they seemed immune to the sheer racket three children can make when you are used to a quiet house/garden.

So if your neighbours were not used to the noise from children I can understand that they may have found it very noticeable when you first moved in. Of course it is only reasonable that children should be able to enjoy the garden, but not so they disturb all those around repeatedly and for long periods of time. If you want more harmony in such a village there has to be some give and take. Even if it is a 'sorry the children were so noisy yesterday, they had friends round, and were excitable'. Which is exactly what my neighbour said to me a few weeks ago. And I apologised for the noise my nephews made. Just showing that you have an awareness of the impact you have on those around you can go a long way.

And those ruddy trampolines are the work of the devil :D Shrieking children playing for hours on a trampoline are not conducive to neighbourhood harmony. I can understand how children have lots of fun on them, but it does reduce the neighbours ability to enjoy their garden if there are kids shrieking and popping up over the fence line repeatedly. Mind you, our neighbours house is on the market and they are away on holiday. Yesterday there was, either the EA or a viewer, jumping up and down on the trampoline having a good look into our garden. Bloomin' cheek!!

I must admit I would have thought that it would be easier to integrate if you do have children, but it would seem that you are unlucky in that the local parents are very competitive regarding their children's abilities. I bet they all do x, y, z 'well for their age' ;)

It seems to me from your comments that the people in your village don't share your core values. I'm not convinced that you will ever be totally happy or comfortable there, as neither you, nor they are likely to change significantly.

Dave101t

my new neighbours asked if id take down my broken basketball hoop as it might 'hurt' a passerby.
really?, you mean a trespasser or burglar, jog on!

your neighbour has a problem, not you!

missbiggles1

pollypenny wrote: »

Poor kids!

Children need to run around and sometimes be noisy! I have fond memories of playing cowboys and Indians in the garden, and indeed in the street.

The children built castles and dens in our garden, which would be raided and defended with great enthusiasm. This is not to say that they didn't also curl up with a book or do some painting quietly.

Our cul de sac is of family houses, sadly no kids here now, but I love to see and hear two visiting grandsons playing.

I agree but it's quite annoying when children are being noisy in a residential area when there's a perfectly good park for them to play in as the OP says there is where he lives.