Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

greenwoodlad

Thanks to you all, we are all individuals , we run our lives & families differently with different morals and boundaries for our offspring - you have all made me see that we are part of the issue just as the neighbours are .....we a fairly private keep ourselves to ourselves kinda family - we have never really thrown parties or coffee mornings etc just quiet family barbeques.... - as some of you say ..we have to accept we are not the same type of people as the neighbours are but we have as much right to be here ! and i still feel our kids should have been able to play in the garden of our 5 bed home that cost over £350k !

I have been thinking hard to think how we are different.... apart from we don't have the new company Audi or BMW in the drive ....just Hector, our ageing VW campervan, yes he may have a few Peace stickers on him and need a light resto but so what !!! We're not quite Barbara and Tom from the good life but we grow vegetables and have a few chickens in a neat little coup so it would not annoy the damn neighbours !!!!!:D

greenbee

Villages can be funny... I've recently moved to a more rural village than I was in before, and luckily seem to fit in with both the incomers (professionals, mostly working in London and moved to the countryside) due to having a similar job and the locals due to the fact that I grew up in a rural community even smaller and more isolated than this one. Both groups do get on and socialise, but there is still a clear division between the two.

However, my next door neighbour has complained about the fact that my washing line is visible from her house... the first time I explained that it wasn't going to be there permanently, but I have a lot of work being done, and that's where it will be for the moment. The second time I made clear it wasn't a priority and it was staying. And bought a trampoline which screens it from her direction... Those neighbours who are aware of the complaint think it is funny - one brought me a plant the other day saying 'it's a fast growing climber, just in case you need to screen your garden from anyone overlooking it'.

If your house is in a development, it is likely that the other residents are also incomers (locals can't afford them - the new development in my village starts at £750k which apparently is a reasonable price to pay for access to the primary school). I second the suggestions of actively seeking out the real (native) locals. You may find there are plenty of lovely people around if you venture further into the village and find parts of village life that don't include your immediate neighbours.

greenwoodlad

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I wonder what your neighbours version of the story would be - always two sides of course.

I agree, there is - we are all different - they would say we did not fit in or make an effort ...and, yes before we moved in there were no families with children our age in the cul de sac

dandelionclock30

Stop worrying about the neighbours and just bother with your own family and friends. I'm not mates with any of the neighbours and I have no wish to be.
Enjoy your home and family and if you are lonely or wish to meet new people then join meet up groups or do classes etc. Money doesnt buy happiness I'm afraid you have to find it within yourselves.

DaveTheMus

If I moved there they wouldn't get a chance to ignore me.....I'd ignore them first.

Got enough friends in my life, don't want any more.

geoffky

Pop the party invite through the doors...Karaoke. And pajama party...:)

OrkneyStar

How many bedrooms did you say your house had again? I think I missed it the first 10 or so times you mentioned it.

marisco_2

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking 'where are we going wrong?' when you don't feel accepted or liked by others. Fact is you've done nothing wrong, but no matter how hard you try there are some people who just wont take to you. Keep setting the good example you always have to your kids, by remaining polite and courteous to your neighbours when you see them, and leave it at that. Then get on with enjoying family life in your way in your home, without over worrying about anyone else around you

barbiedoll

I personally wouldn't have let this bother me, if I'd managed to save and buy my dream home, I certainly wouldn't let snobby neighbours drive me out.

I wouldn't have stopped my kids from playing in the garden either, there's no law against kids playing outside, just as there are no laws against trampolines, bike riding (unless putting others in danger) or any other petty whinges that some people seem to have against anyone with children. If you live on a development with large houses, you're going to end up with children living there sooner or later. If you don't want to live near kids, buy a high-rise one-bedroomed apartment.

A lot of ex-townies move out to the sticks and then wonder why the villages don't have that "village vibe", with all of the neighbours chatting over the garden fence and leaving bundles of home-grown veg on the doorstep. It's probably because the villages are now full of ex-townies who wouldn't know a neighbourly gesture if it bit them on the butt.

OP, enjoy the fruits of your labour and don't worry about your neighbours, you and your family have as much right to be there as anyone else, campervan and all! (That made me laugh, I can just imagine the shudders from the neighbours, they probably think that you're a bunch of drug-crazed, festival-loving hippies!)

And being involved in village life is not always a good thing. One of my friends used to live in a small village, the neighbours were soooo nosy! When we visited, one of them knocked on the door, asking if she knew who owned the (admittedly tatty) car parked outside her house, which actually belonged to us. They thought it may have been "stolen by joy-riders and dumped". They knew full well that it hadn't been stolen, they were watching us as we pulled up outside and got our bags from the car. They just wanted to find out who we were and what we were doing there. :mad:

Billie-S

This ^^^

Don't worry so much OP. And I agree with what many have said, that you should try and mix with other members of the community in the village.

Your neighbours have got a cheek though. They sound pretty miserable.