Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

Buzzybee90

jaylee3 wrote: »

So these people are living next to a FIVE BED house, and are surprised that children are playing in the garden. What morons! Sounds like they need to move!

Are they elderly (over 60?) I do find that some older folk have a low tolerance for the noise of children and families. In fact they can be quite rude about it.

Like I said, it sounds like they should move; not you.

Sound can carry though, there was once some children playing in their pool, splashing about, half a mile away and they sounded so loud!

RAS

Are the people who live in your development locals (born and bred) or incomers?

It happens less now because younger locals have been pushed out by house prices but incomers need a few decades under their belt before they are accepted by locals on some parts of the Dales. Conversely those with connections are more acceptable; I am still grandfather's GD when introduced. Another family member living outside the area had lived there over twenty years and held two important voluntary posts (was begged to take one) and was still subject to remarks about incomers.

The other group are those who are monied and move into their rural idyll. Often retired or childless and with little time for less well heeled locals or anyone not like them. Not overly keen on farmyard smells, tractor noise or anything that spoils their idyll and often at loggerheads with someone local. Houses and gardens immaculate like something out of country living.

Family who moved into another rural location were shocked at how badly their decision not to attend the first local community event went down; they did not understand that it was nigh on compulsory.

Do you have a pub? I know you work nights but you need to cultivate relationships down there. Even if you only drink soft drinks. Do any of you join local sporting groups?

Guest101

Let's put individual morals aside a second.

The law doesn't prevent your kids being loud, nor does it prevent them playing in the street.

toshkininny

If your kids are now around the 11-18 mark, you've not got the same problems as you had originally - now it will be driving lessons, and accusing you of having boy/girl racers in the street!


Some people will find fault whatever you do. I think you have got to be the better person and ignore it.


My mum and dad moved into a village and it took about 20 years for them to be accepted as "one of them"!


We had a different problem. We moved into a large four bedroom detached house next to housing association. The family next to us in the housing association seems okay, and I always tried to say hello, but they totally ignored us, so I gave up.

Bogof_Babe

OP, do your younger kids shriek while playing? That can be intensely annoying, especially if it goes on for hours on end. It seems these days that some children are never told to be considerate of others when they are outside, and never told to keep the noise down.

Also could there be anything else you haven't told us, e.g. do you park half a dozen cars on the side of the road or anything?

I'm puzzled because even if there are a few grumpy old g!ts in the street I'm surprised if they ALL are, but maybe they don't feel they can break ranks and extend the hand of friendship, for fear of being ostracised themselves.

How much do you actually care about their ignorance? It'll soon be time for the nights to draw in and you'll hardly see the neighbours anyway. Rise above it and don't sink to their level.

Gigglepig

jaylee3 wrote: »

Are you serious? What did they do to annoy them?! They just have kids who were playing football and cycling etc. These people sound vile. They would have got a short shrift from me if I had been the OP!

Maybe I misread the first post, but it sounded like it was several neighbours reacting within a short time. I have no idea why, but if several people (not just the odd rude person) react it sounds like OP's family might not fit in very well.

One way of finding out why one might be seen not to fit in, would be to ask an insider, someone who might see things from the neighbours perspective.

Whether OP would want to fit in with these people is a different matter entirely ....

barbiedoll

greatgimpo wrote: »

I'd buy a banger, shove it on the driveway, take the bladdy wheels orf and support it on bricks.

Or a caravan....how terribly working-class!

Starrystarrynight

OP, you & your family sound a thousand times more good people than your neighbours will ever be.
Just shows, to me, that money doesn't buy true class or manners.

Nicki

I do think when you move into a new area you do have to let things roll over for you a bit and get to know what the neighbours are like before you rush to take offence.

Take the incident with the kids riding their bikes on the street. I personally would not have taken offence as a newcomer if someone had come out from his house and said to my older kids "hey kids, I have newborn twins and am trying to get them off to sleep. There is a play space just up the road. Would you mind taking your bikes up there?" I might not have done this myself to new neighbours but if I had and had done it in a pleasant fashion, I'd be taken aback to have their dad round challenging me about it later that night!

Likewise if two neighbours simultaneously out screening up I'd assume my kids were peering over the fence or out of top floor windows and invading their privacy rather than decide that two separate neighbours were sufficiently odd as not to want to be able to see "working class" people from their home

For parties and holidays, you invite people to share these who are friends or with whom you have shared interests don't you? What interests have you discovered in common with your immediate neighbours? If you don't have any, that isn't necessarily because they are snobs or you are oiks, just that you like and do different things. Living in the same street and having kids at the same school isn't usually enough to bind people socially for more than exchanging small talk in the street. Having similar hobbies, holidaying on similar places, playing the same sports or even just liking the same films/TV/books are important too.

Often people are quick to jump on class as the problem and complain they are being patronised or looked down on. However people don't want to socialise with others who say they are "up themselves", "posh" or "narrow minded" any more than people want to socialise with those who say they are "common", "working class" or "chavs". It cuts both ways.

greenwoodlad

Guest101 wrote: »

Let's put individual morals aside a second.

The law doesn't prevent your kids being loud, nor does it prevent them playing in the street.

My kids are 11, 14 and 18 now - in 6 years i think they have "played in the street" twice or three times - they have just got used to cycling off down the park

and Bogofbabe - yes I forgot to mention when we moved in we brought with us from or previous house - a trampoline - now i now they are neighbour-annoyers !! But we waited 3 months and then asked our immediate 2 neighbours of they were ok with us putting the trampoline up in our side garden - they said it was fine but could we agree time restrictions owing to their babies sleep times - i said yes - so i said to my children that they were not to go on the trampoline after 6 pm at night - and in 6 years - they never have in fact the trampoline is not used much - funnily enough our neighbours "babies" are now girls and use our trampoline now if my daughter is on it - but their mum and dad still hardly pass the time of day - unless we speak ....