Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

greenwoodlad

Nicki wrote: »

I do think when you move into a new area you do have to let things roll over for you a bit and get to know what the neighbours are like before you rush to take offence.

Take the incident with the kids riding their bikes on the street. I personally would not have taken offence as a newcomer if someone had come out from his house and said to my older kids "hey kids, I have newborn twins and am trying to get them off to sleep. There is a play space just up the road. Would you mind taking your bikes up there?" I might not have done this myself to new neighbours but if I had and had done it in a pleasant fashion, I'd be taken aback to have their dad round challenging me about it later that night!

Likewise if two neighbours simultaneously out screening up I'd assume my kids were peering over the fence or out of top floor windows and invading their privacy rather than decide that two separate neighbours were sufficiently odd as not to want to be able to see "working class" people from their home

For parties and holidays, you invite people to share these who are friends or with whom you have shared interests don't you? What interests have you discovered in common with your immediate neighbours? If you don't have any, that isn't necessarily because they are snobs or you are oiks, just that you like and do different things. Living in the same street and having kids at the same school isn't usually enough to bind people socially for more than exchanging small talk in the street. Having similar hobbies, holidaying on similar places, playing the same sports or even just liking the same films/TV/books are important too.

Often people are quick to jump on class as the problem and complain they are being patronised or looked down on. However people don't want to socialise with others who say they are "up themselves", "posh" or "narrow minded" any more than people want to socialise with those who say they are "common", "working class" or "chavs". It cuts both ways.

Hi Nicki - Thanks - I take all that on board you are right

toshkininny

Why can't kids have fun on trampolines? If these are 5 bedrooms houses they can't be that close together, and there must be a bit of garden too. People can close bedroom windows if there is too much noise - that's what I did when my kids were little. It's impossible to bounce all night, it doesn't go on for ever!

missbiggles1

I do think that if all the neighbours have a problem with the OP's family then it would be worth him/her considering that they might be the ones at fault.

FLAPJACK

Keep a look out for a Wicker Man on the village green.....It sounds
as though if your children continue to make noise then the villagers may congregate outside your home with flaming torches come the dark nights!

Have any of them asked "Are you local"?

I live in Lancs (originally from the South)...when I moved in I asked a neighbour how long it takes to get accepted in the village....the reply was "When you have two generations buried here"....within an hour I had a knock at the door and the same person told me that "We have fish and chips on the table for you....don't be long"

25 years later I am still in the same village.

I suppose the problem you have is that the Dales are not only pretty but also pretty insular.

Bear with it.....they can't all be the same.

oystercatcher

I'm a bit amazed that so many posters are encouraging the children to be noisy. I agree with Fbaby noisy children can be very annoying if you are used to a peaceful garden. The same applies to children rushing around in the street being noisy and getting in peoples way, it's inconsiderate.

I was always brought up to 'play quietly in the garden' and encouraged my children to do the same. It seems basic good manners not annoy people. Children need to learn self control and consideration of others.

toshkininny

You've got nothing to lose as if they don't talk to you now, no harm in trying another "hello", and engaging in conversation, then if it seems like they are not willing to have a chat, just ask them (politely) what the problem is as after 6 years of living next to them you should have a right to know, just be prepared for the truth!

Mojisola

greenwoodlad wrote: »

Neighbours ignore us ...where did we go wrong?
We moved out of the local city to a lovely village nearby 6 years ago , we are hardworking, we have 3 children who attend the local comprehensive school and the village school.. we worked hard for years to just afford to upsize to our 5 bed home on a small development as we wanted to have a better life in a rural setting for our children – BUT we now feel we are a working class family that doesn’t fit in.. in a middle class neighbourhood.
Most of our neighbours have top professional jobs:- solicitor, pilot, doctor, director Etc

It's unlikely that your neighbours are locals - if they all have professional jobs, they're probably incomers as well.

It might be worth trying to make contact with some of the real locals - if they haven't all been priced out of the village. Is there a village hall committee, any governors wanted at the school, local groups you can join, etc?

I also think it's worth just considering that your children may be noisier than they need be. If they really aren't and your neighbours are out-and-out snobs, you won't be able to change them and you'll need to think about whether you want to stay among such rude people.

Nicki

toshkininny wrote: »

You've got nothing to lose as if they don't talk to you now, no harm in trying another "hello", and engaging in conversation, then if it seems like they are not willing to have a chat, just ask them (politely) what the problem is as after 6 years of living next to them you should have a right to know, just be prepared for the truth!

How about something less confrontational

I'd organise a social event with a pull for the whole development. Perhaps something like inviting everyone to a Macmillan coffee morning in your home. And use the time to get to know them better and let them see that you are nice people with things in common with them. It's harder to turn down an invite when it's for a good cause than it is just a random invite from neighbours you don't know very well.

greenwoodlad

oystercatcher wrote: »

I'm a bit amazed that so many posters are encouraging the children to be noisy. I agree with Fbaby noisy children can be very annoying if you are used to a peaceful garden. The same applies to children rushing around in the street being noisy and getting in peoples way, it's inconsiderate.

I was always brought up to 'play quietly in the garden' and encouraged my children to do the same. It seems basic good manners not annoy people. Children need to learn self control and consideration of others.

Thanks for post - my children have played in my garden only a handful of times in 6 years ! as a result of comments etc - we just sent them / took them to the park - i think i can remember 4 occasions when my boys have played in my back garden in 6 years ...seriously ! can any other parents say that ?

Mojisola

Nicki wrote: »

I'd organise a social event with a pull for the whole development. Perhaps something like inviting everyone to a Macmillan coffee morning in your home. And use the time to get to know them better and let them see that you are nice people with things in common with them. It's harder to turn down an invite when it's for a good cause than it is just a random invite from neighbours you don't know very well.

It might work but it can be hard to get people to accept you if you're "not the right sort". In the village where we used to live, part of it was occupied by people who thought themselves superior. It wouldn't have mattered what we did, we would never have treated as equals by them, but then I wouldn't have wanted to spend time with pompous snobs so we didn't mind.