Neighbours ignore us - thoughts?

greenwoodlad

Neighbours ignore us ...where did we go wrong?
We moved out of the local city to a lovely village nearby 6 years ago , we are hardworking, we have 3 children who attend the local comprehensive school and the village school.. we worked hard for years to just afford to upsize to our 5 bed home on a small development as we wanted to have a better life in a rural setting for our children – BUT we now feel we are a working class family that doesn’t fit in.. in a middle class neighbourhood.
Most of our neighbours have top professional jobs:- solicitor, pilot, doctor, director Etc

We moved in and introduced ourselves and our children to our neighbours – within days – our children were asked not to play in our BACK garden as it was a “quiet street” and they should go to the park, 2 weeks later a neighbour had erected a 6ft fence and another neighbour put the self adhesive frosting on their kitchen windows & door…and put up new blinds at their windows which remain ½ way closed why?? We were not looking in !! - all we had tried to be was friendly – we had great neighbours when we lived in the city…we just think its snobbery – most of the neighbours children attend the local grammar school and have private tutors etc … there have been parties where most of the neighbours & children have been invited but we have not.- nor have our children

Some neighbours say Hi but will not engage in much conversation with us – but then we see them chatting with other neighbours for 20 minutes – some who moved in after us. 3 families even go on holiday together - we will not be beaten though - we always speak to them all , but they never speak if we dont - they can pass you in the street , as our immediate neighbour of 6 years did yesterday and did not speak - just looked ahead !

A friend in the village heard one of our neighbours saying that she will only let her daughter play with children who will be going to the grammar school now so they have the right influences! how can they be so cruel?

I work night shifts and sleep during the day – we live & let live – often our neighbours are noisy in the garden etc and prevent me from sleeping but its day time – and it’s my problem I work nights…I wouldn’t even complain, even when they have parties etc ..we have done our best to be quiet , respectable neighbours….

We love living in the village – but even at the local primary school we feel like outcasts in the school playground when we collect our daughter – all the mums and parents are in “cliques” or huddles etc PTA mums who “run” the school.. they just wont let new people in.. we’ve lived her 6 years now , we have made some friends in the village – just working parents like us with average kids …they live outside the village / on farms etc but not on our development !

Do any of you have these issues – of feeling left out / separate in your own area …or are we doing something wrong!? We keep thinking its us - we both work long shifts - often weekends - so we are seldom able to join in with village activities but when we do go to any event - we try to make conversation but people just pass the time of day and then go off to their group etc :mad:

Guest101

Do you really want to associate with these people.

If my neighbour said my kids couldn't play in my back yard they'd get a very abrupt response indeed.

mumcoll

Guest101 wrote: »

Do you really want to associate with these people.

If my neighbour said my kids couldn't play in my back yard they'd get a very abrupt response indeed.

Me too, in fact I'd encourage them to be extra loud. If they don't speak to you anyway, you have nothing to lose. How horrid they must be to make you feel so unwelcome.

pukkamum

Hold your head up high and ignore the haters, you worked hard for what you have, don't let them spoil it for you.
my friends recently inherited a lot of money and moved into the biggest house on a posh estate, a lot of the neighbours have been downright rude to them. One even intimated that they assumed they were drug dealers due to him wearing workclothes that were trackies and she drives a range rover.
They have totally ruined it for them but they are determined not to be hounded out.
continue to be pleasant, let your children see that money and a titled job do not always equal success, that comes from being polite non judgemental and pleasant.

Hermia

I live in the country and I'm afraid a lot of the villages around me are like that. One friend has lived in her village for 15 years and still gets ignored by some people. She eventually volunteered for a role on the parish council no one else wanted so some people were forced to get to know her! There is very little diversity in the villages near me and so if you are different in any way it can be difficult. The class thing does seem to be more of a problem than in cities. If you want to stay there I would suggest joining in with as many village activities as possible and even volunteer if you can. That may help break down barriers. From my experience you have to really work at it.

greenwoodlad

Guest101 wrote: »

Do you really want to associate with these people.

If my neighbour said my kids couldn't play in my back yard they'd get a very abrupt response indeed.

They did get a polite response - I explained we had just moved in to a 5 bedroomed house - why couldn't my kids play in the garden - the old guy said his wife couldn't stand loud children and "please make sure they don't play football" - as, if a ball came into his garden and damaged any of his expensive plants, we would be receiving a bill ! I thought ...welcome to our new home !

Another neighbour stopped my two boys, then 7 and 11 for riding their bikes on the street - he told them to ride somewhere else - this was all withing about 3 days of moving in !!!

lulu_92

You have the right to live where you please and you have the right to use the property that you paid for in whatever way you wish (legally of course!).

If your kids want to play in the back garden, let them! That is what it is there for!

jaylee3

Wow, snobville central! What horrible, arrogant stuck-up people these sound. These do NOT come across to me as middle class, but maybe working class who made a few bob/got lucky etc. They sound like people who are trying to be something they're not to me. I know many (genuine) middle class people, and upper class too, and they are lovely.

We live in a small market town, and there are many farms and big (I mean VERY big) homes nearby, (seven figure sum homes!) and they are full of middle and upper class folk, and they are really nice; often inviting us to garden parties, and for a coffee or for dinner. The people from the Church are nice, the people who run the local shop are nice, and the people who live in the little section of social housing (about 50 properties,) are nice, and nobody makes them feel like they're lower than them because they rent.

Of course, nobody is perfect and we aren't always jolly and happy all the time, but on the whole, it's a lovely, friendly place to live.

I am not sure what advice to give you, except to move. Because they sound unpleasant and arrogant TBH. I would not tolerate living around such people. Frankly, you sound very nice, and so does your family, and I do believe that nothing you say will change these peoples attitudes. Frankly, they sound a bit weird to me.

I certainly would not be trying so hard to impress them or to be 'accepted.

I was thinking at first that you may be trying to hard, but from what you have said, they sound awful.

Buzzybee90

Many villages have generations of the same family living there with tight bonds. However if you live on a development, it might not be quite as rural as I'm imagining.

The village I grew up in has a good mix of traditional country people and high flying professionals, but everyone gets on ok. Though it is evident some of the people that have moved into the village try and take over organising events etc. but that doesn't sound like your issue!

Just keep trying. There must be some like minded mums and dads nearby.

Artytarty

But why would you want to salvage a relationship with them if they've been so horrid about you and your children? I'd just start to ignore them and make my own friends elsewhere. It's not nice, similar has happened to me. Our neighbours moved on , several of them and were replaced by younger families who socialise together and we no longer fit in. It hurt for quite a while but I ignore them whenever possible now having been snubbed once too often.

Guest101

greenwoodlad wrote: »

They did get a polite response - I explained we had just moved in to a 5 bedroomed house - why couldn't my kids play in the garden - the old guy said his wife couldn't stand loud children and "please make sure they don't play football" - as, if a ball came into his garden and damaged any of his expensive plants, we would be receiving a bill ! I thought ...welcome to our new home !

Another neighbour stopped my two boys, then 7 and 11 for riding their bikes on the street - he told them to ride somewhere else - this was all withing about 3 days of moving in !!!

Dw sport do footballs for about £3

And when u say stopped. I hope u don't mean physically, because I'd go from angry to ballistic for that.