Boys using ladies loos

arbroath_lass

Horseunderwater wrote: »

However, the issue I have with boys in female loos is the idea they seem to get in their heads of banging on a door, sticking their heads under the door or cubicle walls & in general bad behaviour. That is what many would object to.

We're talking about boys accompanied by a woman though, aren't we? Do they behave like that then?


If the child is unaccompanied then neither ladies nor gents loos are "safer" than the other.

DevilsAdvocate1

CRANKY40 wrote: »

I was thinking that too Make-it-3, that it must be harder for a dad with a daughter. I have to admit that the one that had me beat was the baby in a pram scenario. Exactly what do you do with your precious offspring when you are out alone with them and you need the toilet? Take the baby with you and lie it on the toilet floor (yuk) whilst hoping your pram and shopping will still be there when you come out? Leave the baby and be as quick as you can whilst hoping the baby and pram will still be there......and so on.

I know I'll get slated for this, but I used to use the disabled toilet. Having had my middle son snatched at a shopping centre when he 10 months old, (I got him back) there was no way I was letting any of my children out of sight.

Indie_Kid

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I know I'll get slated for this, but I used to use the disabled toilet. Having had my middle so snatched at a shopping centre when he 10 months old, (I got him back) there was no way I was letting any of my children out of sight.

I have never understood why parents use the disabled toilets. Can't believe the amount who use the disabled toilets when right next to them is the parent and baby area.

hawk30

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I know I'll get slated for this, but I used to use the disabled toilet. Having had my middle so snatched at a shopping centre when he 10 months old, (I got him back) there was no way I was letting any of my children out of sight.

I've used the disabled loos for this purpose lots of times. There's no way I'd leave the baby/pram on its own, and i've not had your horrific experience.

DevilsAdvocate1

avogadro wrote: »

I think that while the actual risk factor has not changed over the decades, (in other words there were as many unsavoury characters around in the 60s and 70s as there are now), people's perceptions of the risks and dangers have changed.

You hear or see stories in the news about a child being molested in the toilets in Debenhams, for example, and that incident is going to be foremost in your mind, and understandably you want to protect your child from anything happening to them.

I think as well that some of us had an issue in toilets when we were
children / young adults, so we realise that they aren't safe.

When I was 14 I was at a swimming pool with my best friend. A man befriended us and then touched both or us inappropriately. I was so glad he couldn't come into the ladies changing area.

Also, I had a man push his way into my cubicle and try to touch me inappropriately when I was 16. Luckily, I was quite strong and managed to get the cubicle door shut and then shouted really loud for help.

Another time I was in my early 20s and a man followed me into the ladies. Other women were in there, so he left but was standing outside waiting for me. The other women ended up escorting me to my car so I could get away. He followed me to my car, but the women (who I'd never met before) waited until I was locked in and was able to drive away.

So I will be over-protective of my sons around toilets / swimming. Having said that, they do all go to the toilet on their own now. I am lucky in that I have 3 boys, so I usually send them all in together and they know to wait for each other before coming out.

DevilsAdvocate1

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I have never understood why parents use the disabled toilets. Can't believe the amount who use the disabled toilets when right next to them is the parent and baby area.

I live in the north east and when mine were young, parent and baby areas did not contain a toilet. They were simply changing rooms for babies / toddlers still in nappies. Don't know if this is still the same as my youngest is now 9.

If its still the same, then this is why disabled toilets get used.

moomoomama27

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I live in the north east and when mine were young, parent and baby areas did not contain a toilet. They were simply changing rooms for babies / toddlers still in nappies. Don't know if this is still the same as my youngest is now 9.

If its still the same, then this is why disabled toilets get used.

Many areas in the town I live just have a baby changing area, with no toilet attached. I used to always use the disabled toilet if I were alone with a baby/toddler in a pram/buggy.

moomoomama27

FBaby wrote: »

Do you ask him why he is worried about going on his own? My son will that things scare him, it's encouraging to go through his thoughts, and then asking him what he could do if the things he worries about were to happen. So for instance, if he had said to me that he was scared of going in the men loos (which he might have done to start with, I can't remember), I would have asked him what he was scared of. If he said 'that a man tried to touch me', I would have said 'well that's a valid concern, but if that happened, you could just run quickly out'. If he insisted to say 'but what if he grabs me', I would say 'if he did, you would scream, I would hear you and would be in in less that 1 second, and the poor man would regret you having me as your mummy'. I always try to dedramatise the situation because I think he is much more at risk with suffering from delibitating anxieties as he grows up then the things he is anxious about.

. Can I ask why? Why did you worry could happen? What changed in him that at 8 he was in danger but suddenly wasn't any longer at 10?

Yes I ask him to verbalise his concerns, but sometimes they can be he's unsure of the lighting or the noise. He doesn't like the feel of certain fixings ( all part of his Aspergers), so it takes a lot of chatting, and if it's a new area we sometimes don't have time! Often I've wandered into the men's, after calling through first to make sure it's empty, to reassure him of the layout etc..

He's getting better as he gets older. But there are some areas where I just wouldn't contemplate him not going into the loos with someone!! For safety, nothing else.

CRANKY40

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I have never understood why parents use the disabled toilets. Can't believe the amount who use the disabled toilets when right next to them is the parent and baby area.

A baby changing area is just that sadly, it never has a toilet.

VJsmum

FBaby wrote: »

. Can I ask why? Why did you worry could happen? What changed in him that at 8 he was in danger but suddenly wasn't any longer
at 10?

It wasn't so much the danger - though I guess it may have been on my mind. What I remember more clearly is the coping - managing his stuff and not forgetting anything. He was rather disorganised - he is a little better now at 15 . though not as much as I'd like him to be

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I have never understood why parents use the disabled toilets. Can't believe the amount who use the disabled toilets when right next to them is the parent and baby area.

As others have said - often there is no loo. If appropriate facilities were there then I would use them, but no way was I leaving my baby outside while I - or my toddler - went into a loo.