Boys using ladies loos

Buzzybee90

Yep the changing rooms here are just that, I've always wondered what mums/dads do as the disabled toilet often has a radar key.

It seems pretty unfair, everyone should have a toilet provided!

Spendless

I've never seen a boy stick his head under the cubicle door? Really?? I recall not being able to take both my child in a pushchair and my 4yo son in the cubicles with me due to space, so took the youngest and told the eldest to sing a song outside the door, so I knew he was there and ok - he sang a football chant picked up from his Dad. Am sure there's an 'outrage' thread about it somewhere on the net from someone who heard him, probably on here.:p

When son approached the magic '8' age, I did what's mentioned on here. let him use toilets and stand by the door and be prepared to bang if I thought he was taking too long.

A few years ago, I took my kids and my son's mate into town. We used the toilets in a shopping centre. My friends son came out saying he had been propositioned in there. No words were spoken, but the bloke had winked at him, and gestured with his head, to come away with him (hard to describe in words). The boys were 11 at the time, and son's friend looked older. It was an inset day which is why I had child as parents worked and I suspect the man thought he was a teenage truant. My son hadn't witnessed it as they hadn't finished their 'business' at the same time and the man hadn't actually spoken. I called the Security Guard over it when I was told, but by then man had disappeared. son's friend did the right thing though by ignoring and coming straight out and telling me.

FBaby

It wasn't so much the danger - though I guess it may have been on my mind. What I remember more clearly is the coping - managing his stuff and not forgetting anything. He was rather disorganised - he is a little better now at 15 . though not as much as I'd like him to be

But surely that would be the occasion to teach him to make sure that he did remember to take his swimming suit and towel, asking if he did when he came out. Did he go swimming at school?

I definitely wouldn't be happy to see a 9yo boy in the swimming female changing rooms, even if they only passed to go to a cubicle when I could be there with my boobs hanging!

Indie_Kid

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I live in the north east and when mine were young, parent and baby areas did not contain a toilet. They were simply changing rooms for babies / toddlers still in nappies. Don't know if this is still the same as my youngest is now 9.

If its still the same, then this is why disabled toilets get used.

As far as I'm aware, they do have toilets in now.

I would personally be rather peeved if a parent with a huge pram went into the disabled toilet and forced me to wait. I can't wait and can't use the ladies toilets either.

On the subject of swimming pools - when we had the single sex changing rooms at one swimming pool, there always seemed to be little naked boys running about. We're now in another centre and there's a ladies, mens and general (it's called a changing village) changing room. Oddily, there seems to be no naked little boys running around now. In both places, there is cubicles to change in.

CRANKY40

Indie_Kid wrote: »

As far as I'm aware, they do have toilets in now.

The only place I know of that did have one was our local Asda. They closed it and turned it into a pharmacy and the disabled toilet is now also the baby changing area. The Trafford Centre in Manchester has "family" toilets which is a room with two toilets, one adult one child sized. There's only two of them though. We were in town two weeks ago and I let a mum with a child go in front of me as they'd checked the baby change area as the little girl was desperate - it didn't have a toilet.

Savvy_Sue

avogadro wrote: »

Cosy! :eek:

Sounds like the Roman loos which were basically a bench and everyone sat alongside each other.



Maybe they got chatting :rotfl: It's hard to imagine going to the toilet as a social thing!

I think Elizabethan toilets were the same, in posh houses.

I have very very occasionally had both girls and boys running round the ladies toilets shouting, banging on doors and trying to see who's in which loo. I also had one of my lads trying to unlock the door because he'd done, even thought I was still sat there. Sometimes you just can't win, but I don't think I had him in the cubicle with me many times after that ...

The very noisy hand-dryers you get now would probably have freaked DS1 out when he was younger. They really are a menace.

hawk30

Indie_Kid wrote: »

As far as I'm aware, they do have toilets in now.

I would personally be rather peeved if a parent with a huge pram went into the disabled toilet and forced me to wait. I can't wait and can't use the ladies toilets either.

On the subject of swimming pools - when we had the single sex changing rooms at one swimming pool, there always seemed to be little naked boys running about. We're now in another centre and there's a ladies, mens and general (it's called a changing village) changing room. Oddily, there seems to be no naked little boys running around now. In both places, there is cubicles to change in.

My local town does not have any with toilets. The shopping centre near us does have them in the John Lewis and the main toilet block, but not any of the others. It's really hit and miss. I have bladder problems which mean I need to go frequently (but it's not a disability), and sticking to parent and child facilities would mean I couldn't take my LO out.

iammumtoone

I thought of this thread yesterday when me and ds were out for the day at a seaside town where we have never been before.

He needed to visit public toilets twice. On the first occasion I was desperate to go as well so insisted he came with me, I was glad of that as when we went in I saw there were two entrances/exits! the mens would have had the same layout, it was a large rectangular building with doors on opposite sides ifsyim. If ds had wandered out of the wrong exit (easy to do for a just seven year old) he would have been lost and panicked if I wasn't there, I would have been stood worrying at the other end.

The second occasion the toilets were small so obvious there was only one entrance/exit. There was a large queue at the ladies so I let him into the mens. He had been in there a few minutes when a group of lads turned up a bit worse for wear, they jeered at me for standing outside close to the door taking the p that I couldn't go in there, went inside, the language they were using was terrible (you do not get that in the ladies). I am standing outside feeling anxious at this point. They hang around for about 5 miuntes then go off, another few minutes wait and ds is still not out!

I started to look for someone I could ask if he was ok and a man came out with a son about the same age, I asked him to pop back in and see if ds was ok which he did for me, he was really good about it. I am not sure if this was the right thing to do or not but I was worried and there was no way I could have gone in it was really busy with men coming and going constantly.

Never again when we are in a strange place until he is older.

Whist I was waiting outside I saw a man come out with his daughter she was about 6-7 I saw the look on her face when she came out bless her, she looked disgusted! I felt really sorry for the dad, I suspect he needed the toilet and didn't want to leave her on her own outside so had no choice to take her in, it can't have been very nice for her in there.

choccymoose

As part of my role I teach safeguarding, track and monitor vulnerable children and am involved in safeguarding children, the dangers out there are the same as they were a while back but we now have the added danger of technology and here lots more about it. My children know what to do if they feel uncomfortable in any situation, and we are generally honest with them. I didn't tell my 9 year old at the time of the incident what had happened, bu tlater we had a conversation around personal safety. I did this as I didn't want him to be worried about going I to those toilets again.

My kids spend their weekends in the woods or on the beach building dens, making fires camping out, kayaking sometimes with me sometimes without me. Both my kids are resilient and enjoy discovering nature, leading activities, demonstrating acitivities and working with the general public. They are independant and are capable of going to the toilet on their own, however on the occasion I refer to my 9year old son was stopped by 2 pcsos as he was going towards the toilets as a sexual offence had taken place inside involving a !!!!!phile who lived in the area and was out on licence. I can post links to the news artcile if you feel I am making this up.
I too had situations when I was growing up similar to yours and no they didn't harm me, but I remember them and some of them I wish I didn't. So yes this situation has made me rethink the amount of freedom my 9 year old has around going into the toilets alone, yes he would know how to react and handle himself and I am sure he would have come out however I would prefer him not to be put in that situation and so for the time being he will be going with his older brother or I will be the crazy woman outside talking to him the whole time.
Sorry if that means I am a failure in your eyes


QUOTE=FBaby;66219196]Another thread that really makes me wonder about parents totally failing to teach children about resiliency. It is no surprise at all that children don't know how to react the moment they are faced with being teased (which nowadays is automatically called bullying), how teenagers are becoming anxious at the slightest challenge.

It's all about protecting our children from facing any potential situations, even when there is only a very small chance that they will be confronted with having to make a decision to deal with it, rather than teaching them coping mechanisms and growing confident that they can deal with things themselves.

Honestly, what is the chance of a boy being exposed to some vile behaviour in a public toilet in the middle of the day? Then what is the chance that this experience will be so traumatic that it will scare them for life? I recall quite a number of such situations when I was young, the guy who came in our room when my parents and I were staying in friends' house and laid next to me starting to touch my legs. I was about 8, but I was confident enough to tell him to go away, get up and find my parents. I never told them, but I knew to go to safety. It wasn't pleasant then, but I had forgotten about it a few days later. Then there was the perv who used to walk naked in front of his window right next to our primary school, making sure to smile whenever a girl looked up at him. We thought is was funny. Then there was the other pervert who called supposed responding to an add about our puppies who started asking me very obscene questions when I was about 11, again, it wasn't pleasant but i told my parents and we made a joke about it and I moved on.

I could go on with similar experiences that were not pleasant, but not traumatic enough to ruin me for the rest of my life and after each instance, I grew more confident dealing with people like this. By the time I was a teenager, any perv trying his luck got a run for his money!!!

I value total honesty with my children, so from the time they were old enough to understand, I have explained to them that there are not nice people around, that they can't be totally avoided, but that there are ways to protect ourselves. They know not to talk to strangers, not believe anything one would say about something happening to me and needing to take them somewhere. They know that there are men who pretend to be their age on the internet when they really are grown up perverts.

I feel much much more secure teaching my kids to cope appropriately with any such situation then to try desperately to keep them away from any potential threats which in reality, could happen anywhere, even if those places we think are the safest.[/QUOTE]

moomoomama27

Well can you believe, this happened again, although this time not to my son!

I was in the ladies, with my daughter, and a man of about 40 years old was in there with his elderly mum, he had Down's syndrome, and one woman, not the same one who shouted a use at me, had the nerve to tell her the only place for him was the disabled toilets (there wasn't one close by) or she should make him go to toilet outside :0, and that this was not the place for grown men!

I went berserk, on behalf of this lady, who was about 75-80 yrs old, and was so upset, she cried !!!!!! is wrong with people?