Boys using ladies loos

GwylimT

If mine weren't capable of using a toilet on their own that would be my failure as a parent. Some people need to get a grip, it's very unhealthy to teach children that toilets and people who use toilets are dangerous.

moomoomama27

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I totally agree. And suddenly all the children are "sensitive", unsurprisingly, usually boys... A 9 years old boy should be perfectly capable of using the toilet by himself, even if he doesn't know "the layout" - seriously, how complicated can it be?
Do those boys never go anywhere without their mummies, to school trips, to summer camps?

I really wish you would read posts before letting your fingers runaway with themselves!!

My son has mild aspergers, he is highly sensitive to changes and the layouts actually mean a lot to him, so rather than mocking, read the reasons! It may help you to make an informed response!! hence why he is fine with the local soft play, cinema and various other places! I do not take him in just for my peace of mind, but for his too! Unless of course the area is dodgy and it would be safer for him to come with me in the absence of hubby. Teaching him along the to accept new places and increase his confidence.

Thankfully I'm not narrow minded on this topic, and can see no problem with younger boys going to the loo with their mum for whatever reason!!

PolishBigSpender

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I really wish you would read posts before letting your fingers runaway with themselves!!

My son has mild aspergers, he is highly sensitive to changes and the layouts actually mean a lot to him, so rather than mocking, read the reasons! It may help you to make an informed response!! hence why he is fine with the local soft play, cinema and various other places! I do not take him in just for my peace of mind, but for his too! Unless of course the area is dodgy and it would be safer for him to come with me in the absence of hubby. Teaching him along the to accept new places and increase his confidence.

Thankfully I'm not narrow minded on this topic, and can see no problem with younger boys going to the loo with their mum for whatever reason!!

So why were you offended when this woman asked if your kid was "special needs "?

moomoomama27

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

So why were you offended when this woman asked if your kid was "special needs"

Firstly I wouldn't label him special needs, his Aspergers is mild, he has what we call 'quirks'. I was more offended at the rudeness, she was practically shouting, it was an insult not a question. She wasn't assuming as so e might, she was attacking, which prompted my question, as I genuinely have never considered it a problem.

Frogletina

CRANKY40 wrote: »

I have to admit that the one that had me beat was the baby in a pram scenario. Exactly what do you do with your precious offspring when you are out alone with them and you need the toilet? Take the baby with you and lie it on the toilet floor (yuk) whilst hoping your pram and shopping will still be there when you come out? Leave the baby and be as quick as you can whilst hoping the baby and pram will still be there......and so on.

I remember two scenarios when I was out with my little girl and my baby son.

The first occasion I went into the cubicle with them both. It was really difficult holding the baby while putting my little girl on the loo and then having to go myself. Tiny space, and knickers to deal with...still, I had no choice - I was not going to put him on the floor.

The second memorable occasion was when he was a little bigger and I left him in the pram outside a toilet block. When I came out, the pram was not there. He was round the corner and some boys had moved him so as to not hit him while they were playing football...I was not sure whether to be cross with them or pleased they were thoughtful - but I never did that again.

FBaby

It's difficult to judge without knowing the child so we can't really say about your boy's circumstances, but I really do think that some mothers are way over protective. Unfortunately for my son, that it is the case for his best friend's mum. I really like her as a friend, but the way she assumes her son would get into trouble if given more freedom really saddens me for him. He is a clever boy, and yes, he can be a bit impulsive, but I personally believe that if she spent more of her energy teaching him why he needs to be extra careful due to his tendencies to be impulsive rather than constantly telling him he can't do this and that because he can't be trusted, he would actually become more responsible. Ultimately though, we are entitled to raise our children as we believe is best for them.

My son is extremely sensitive and naturally lacks confidence. He is 11 and still get scared of fireworks! But instead of thinking that he needed even more protecting as a result, I considered that it was even more important that he be shown that he could trust his own abilities and judgements. He is a child who needs to be pushed a bit to realise that he can cope as well as his confident sister in situations.

Even going to Disney, he would get massively anxious getting on rides. I could have said to him that he shouldn't force himself, that it was ok not to go on rides, that he shouldn't face his fears. Instead, I told him that he would be ok, that I would be next to him, that the worse that could happen was that he got scared for a couple of minutes and then it would be over and he could forget about it. Of course, he absolutely loved it, and after he went on the first one and realised how much fun it was, he was happy to go on all the other ones and had a great time, rather then wondering if he was missing out but convincing himself that he was brave enough to do what others like him were able to do.

When I read all those posts from young adults who want to claim ESA because they can't cope with the stress of holding a job, it really saddens me and I can't help wondering how many of them ended up like that because they were told as children that it was ok not to face your fears and not appreciating how this lack of resilience building would impact on their adult life.

moomoomama27

FBaby wrote: »

It's difficult to judge without knowing the child so we can't really say about your boy's circumstances, but I really do think that some mothers are way over protective. Unfortunately for my son, that it is the case for his best friend's mum. I really like her as a friend, but the way she assumes her son would get into trouble if given more freedom really saddens me for him. He is a clever boy, and yes, he can be a bit impulsive, but I personally believe that if she spent more of her energy teaching him why he needs to be extra careful due to his tendencies to be impulsive rather than constantly telling him he can't do this and that because he can't be trusted, he would actually become more responsible. Ultimately though, we are entitled to raise our children as we believe is best for them.

My son is extremely sensitive and naturally lacks confidence. He is 11 and still get scared of fireworks! But instead of thinking that he needed even more protecting as a result, I considered that it was even more important that he be shown that he could trust his own abilities and judgements. He is a child who needs to be pushed a bit to realise that he can cope as well as his confident sister in situations.

Even going to Disney, he would get massively anxious getting on rides. I could have said to him that he shouldn't force himself, that it was ok not to go on rides, that he shouldn't face his fears. Instead, I told him that he would be ok, that I would be next to him, that the worse that could happen was that he got scared for a couple of minutes and then it would be over and he could forget about it. Of course, he absolutely loved it, and after he went on the first one and realised how much fun it was, he was happy to go on all the other ones and had a great time, rather then wondering if he was missing out but convincing himself that he was brave enough to do what others like him were able to do.

When I read all those posts from young adults who want to claim ESA because they can't cope with the stress of holding a job, it really saddens me and I can't help wondering how many of them ended up like that because they were told as children that it was ok not to face your fears and not appreciating how this lack of resilience building would impact on their adult life.

I do agree with a lot of what you have written.

I think I can be over protective, and very often have to take a check of myself! I would love to help him to overcome some of his issues with sensitivity and confidence, but if I try to be too pushy, it backfires horribly. He nearly always wants to use the loo with an adult, unless it's a safe place (to him), i do encourage him to just try, sometime he'll have a go, cry, but have a go, which is how we've managed to get the cinema, soft play achieved.

I think with toilets! It does depend on certain variables, not always overprotective parenting. I think it's a personal decision, I was curious what others felt!

warehouse

Any Woman could walk into a mens toilet unannounced and you wouldn't see a single thing that would cause offence. When men are peeing they have their back to you and everything is well hidden.

In a womens toilet they are in cubicles.

This is a non issue.

VJsmum

my local sports centre rules are that 8 year olds should be in the appropriate sex changing room.


I felt this was too young for my DS, so after swimming I would hurry him through the communal area into a cubicle and then hurry him back through afterwards. I think he was 10 when he began to go in the mens. Overprotective? I don't think so - he is now 15 and one of the most un-mummy's boys I know


Loos weren't such a big issue and I think he went alone from about 8, but swimming was definitely more tricky for him to manage (and to remember everything when he left).


When I had prams / buggy's then I went in the disabled loos. I asked my disabled and wheelchair bound mother what she thought of that and she said she felt it was acceptable (apart from her usual gag of not wanting the disabled loo - she wanted one that worked )

FBaby

He nearly always wants to use the loo with an adult, unless it's a safe place (to him), i do encourage him to just try, sometime he'll have a go, cry, but have a go, which is how we've managed to get the cinema, soft play achieved.

Do you ask him why he is worried about going on his own? My son will that things scare him, it's encouraging to go through his thoughts, and then asking him what he could do if the things he worries about were to happen. So for instance, if he had said to me that he was scared of going in the men loos (which he might have done to start with, I can't remember), I would have asked him what he was scared of. If he said 'that a man tried to touch me', I would have said 'well that's a valid concern, but if that happened, you could just run quickly out'. If he insisted to say 'but what if he grabs me', I would say 'if he did, you would scream, I would hear you and would be in in less that 1 second, and the poor man would regret you having me as your mummy'. I always try to dedramatise the situation because I think he is much more at risk with suffering from delibitating anxieties as he grows up then the things he is anxious about.

I felt this was too young for my DS

. Can I ask why? Why did you worry could happen? What changed in him that at 8 he was in danger but suddenly wasn't any longer at 10?