Boys using ladies loos

PolishBigSpender

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I think the same! My son is 9 and about average height foe his age. Today we went on a family day out, and obviously neede the loo on our visit. Normally he would go into the mens if we had a male family member to take him, otherwise he comes in with me or we use the family toilets (if there are any) or disabled ones as a very last resort!

So you're saying that your 9 years old son is not capable of going to the toilet by himself...?
I'm not surprised that woman thought he was "special needs" - I would have thought the same. Isn't he ashamed to go to the toilet with his mother?

moomoomama27

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

So you're saying that your 9 years old son is not capable of going to the toilet by himself...?
I'm not surprised that woman thought he was "special needs" - I would have thought the same. Isn't he ashamed to go to the toilet with his mother?

How rude and hurtful! I know I shouldn't let an internet poster worry me, but you are as rude if not ruder than the woman doing it, given the reasons stated.

My son is perfectly capable of using the toilet by himself, he went into a separate cubicle. The area we were in wasn't safe for him to go to the gents alone, and yes he is sensitive and has possible mild aspergers, not that that should have anything to do with it. So feels more confident to go with me in some circumstances. I would think I had patented very wrong if he felt ashamed to go into a toilet with me at 9!

I am so glad you are in the minority!

PolishBigSpender

moomoomama27 wrote: »

How rude and hurtful! I know I shouldn't let an internet poster worry me, but you are as rude if not ruder than the woman doing it, given the reasons stated.

My son is perfectly capable of using the toilet by himself, he went into a separate cubicle. The area we were in wasn't safe for him to go to the gents alone, and yes he is sensitive and has possible mild aspergers, not that that should have anything to do with it. So feels more confident to go with me in some circumstances. I would think I had patented very wrong if he felt ashamed to go into a toilet with me at 9!

I am so glad you are in the minority!

Sorry, but at this age he should be able to use the gents all by himself. Really, public toilets are not full of pedophiles just waiting for your child!
You are hurting your child by being overprotective, that's my opinion.

I personally would still use the toilet despite a boy being there, but would demand him gone from the female changing room.

moomoomama27

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Sorry, but at this age he should be able to use the gents all by himself. Really, public toilets are not full of pedophiles just waiting for your child!
You are hurting your child by being overprotective, that's my opinion.

I personally would still use the toilet despite a boy being there, but would demand him gone from the female changing room.

If you read, he can, he's gone in soft play, the cinema etc! I don't think I once mentioned peadophiles either!

As his parent I make choices based on safety and how he feels about the situation. He's nervous if he isn't familiar with the place, or knows the layout of the toilet. Most of the time we go out as a family so he goes in with his Dads, but at this particular venue the gents toilets were a long way away, it wasn't a nice area and I needed to go,so it was easier all round!

I'm certainly not wanting to embarrass him, or insist he uses the ladies, but go with what he feels ok with.

As an aside our local pool is boys under 10 in the ladies changing room

happycomper22

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I think the same! My son is 9 and about average height foe his age. Today we went on a family day out, and obviously neede the loo on our visit. Normally he would go into the mens if we had a male family member to take him, otherwise he comes in with me or we use the family toilets (if there are any) or disabled ones as a very last resort!

Today however I felt the right choice was to take him in with me, we had no one to take him, so he came in with me. All well and good he did his business and washed his hands, all the while this woman kept leaving then popping her head back in, tutting and leaving again, I sent him outside with my Mum sensing perhaps this woman was irritated at his presence.She then proceeded to shout that kid of your beter be SPECIAL NEEDS or otherwise I'm reporting him to the staff for being a pervert!!! At this point I am VERY glad I sent him out. My son is very sensitive and socially very young for his age, this would have devestated him.

So I'm wondering, having never really given it a second thought, either taking him in the ladies, or seeing other young boys in there, if this really is a problem, or was this woman just a bit ummm odd!!?

Obviously that lady has problem moomoomama!! that's really disgusting of her to have shouted anything like that regardless if your son had special needs or disabilities or anything!!
Some people just like to create a drama over nothing!!


I really don't see the problem with a boy using the ladies cubicles after all they are in a cubicle!! same goes for if a dad had to bring his little girl in etc as its much more private than a dad having to bring a little girl into the mens with the urinals etc. I think I will bring my child in with me until I am confident that he can go in the mens himself without needing reminding to wash his hands etc.

dandelionclock30

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Sorry, but at this age he should be able to use the gents all by himself. Really, public toilets are not full of pedophiles just waiting for your child!
You are hurting your child by being overprotective, that's my opinion.

I personally would still use the toilet despite a boy being there, but would demand him gone from the female changing room.

Its not just about them being full of !!!!!philes, theres other anti social behaviour that goes on in them as well as sex offences.
There is a real problem because lots of public loos have been shut down due to all the problems. Its not just the cost.
The Mum did right, its better to be safe than sorry.

FBaby

Another thread that really makes me wonder about parents totally failing to teach children about resiliency. It is no surprise at all that children don't know how to react the moment they are faced with being teased (which nowadays is automatically called bullying), how teenagers are becoming anxious at the slightest challenge.

It's all about protecting our children from facing any potential situations, even when there is only a very small chance that they will be confronted with having to make a decision to deal with it, rather than teaching them coping mechanisms and growing confident that they can deal with things themselves.

Honestly, what is the chance of a boy being exposed to some vile behaviour in a public toilet in the middle of the day? Then what is the chance that this experience will be so traumatic that it will scare them for life? I recall quite a number of such situations when I was young, the guy who came in our room when my parents and I were staying in friends' house and laid next to me starting to touch my legs. I was about 8, but I was confident enough to tell him to go away, get up and find my parents. I never told them, but I knew to go to safety. It wasn't pleasant then, but I had forgotten about it a few days later. Then there was the perv who used to walk naked in front of his window right next to our primary school, making sure to smile whenever a girl looked up at him. We thought is was funny. Then there was the other pervert who called supposed responding to an add about our puppies who started asking me very obscene questions when I was about 11, again, it wasn't pleasant but i told my parents and we made a joke about it and I moved on.

I could go on with similar experiences that were not pleasant, but not traumatic enough to ruin me for the rest of my life and after each instance, I grew more confident dealing with people like this. By the time I was a teenager, any perv trying his luck got a run for his money!!!

I value total honesty with my children, so from the time they were old enough to understand, I have explained to them that there are not nice people around, that they can't be totally avoided, but that there are ways to protect ourselves. They know not to talk to strangers, not believe anything one would say about something happening to me and needing to take them somewhere. They know that there are men who pretend to be their age on the internet when they really are grown up perverts.

I feel much much more secure teaching my kids to cope appropriately with any such situation then to try desperately to keep them away from any potential threats which in reality, could happen anywhere, even if those places we think are the safest.

mcja

My son is 10 and has been using the gents for a while now. He wouldn't come into the ladies with me, but I have been known to hover outside and wait for him. He takes himself into a cubicle and knows if anything happens to just come out not bothering washing his hands, we have gel.

Just asked him what he would do if he saw something he didn't like. He said he'd walk out, and hold his wee in. "Would you tell me?" "Yeah"....back to his tablet!!!

PolishBigSpender

FBaby wrote: »

Another thread that really makes me wonder about parents totally failing to teach children about resiliency.

I totally agree. And suddenly all the children are "sensitive", unsurprisingly, usually boys... A 9 years old boy should be perfectly capable of using the toilet by himself, even if he doesn't know "the layout" - seriously, how complicated can it be?
Do those boys never go anywhere without their mummies, to school trips, to summer camps?

onlyroz

Our sports centre has signs up saying 8-year-olds need to change in the appropriate room for their sex. Although there are family cubicles available as well.

My son has been going into the men's since he was about 7.