Boys using ladies loos

newcook

FBaby wrote: »

What adjustment for my son? I don't want any adjustment at all I just think it is fair he should be able to access any toilet free and available when he is absolutely desperate to go and no-one else is waiting. Why should this be a problem?

So surely this should apply to everyone regardless of their age?! Would it be ok if I used the mens toilets because I really needed to go even though Im a 33 year old woman without any disabilities or bladder problems?!


My brother used to constantly say to my nephew when they were out ‘do you need the toilet’ because otherwise he would be that distracted by things he would forget that he needed to go until it was nearly too late!
After a while the constant nagging stayed at the front of his mind so when he needed to go he would say so which saved many ‘near-misses’ and having to dash into the nearest toilet regardless what it said on the door.

FBaby

Yes, I think it should apply to anyone who if not able to access a toilet quickly is risking of having an accident. It could be someone suddenly suffering with a stomach bug, should they soil themselves because they don't meet the criteria for being disabled?

After a while the constant nagging stayed at the front of his mind so when he needed to go he would say so which saved many ‘near-misses’ and having to dash into the nearest toilet regardless what it said on the door.

Believe me, I've been through this, and still at 11, I remind him to go before we leave a place where there is a toilet. The problem is that he can go, empty himself fully according to him, and yet be desperate to go again after less than 15 minutes. The doctor said that he had a weak bladder, but it's not bad enough to require medical attention, he just sometimes needs quick access to a toilet.

Once again, a lot of fuss over nothing considering that this hasn't caused once a disabled person to be indisposed as a result of him accessing the disabled toilets on a few occasions (as we know that men queues are not as the ladies and thankfully, he has been confident to go alone in the men since he was about 5yo).

Savvy_Sue

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

A kid is not going to want their mum to wipe their bottom if they are capable of it themselves.

:rotfl: When DS3 was a bit younger than he is now (20+), I swear he would have let me carry on wiping his posterior for the rest of his life!

He was perfectly capable, but preferred not to soil his pretty little hands.

Mind you, he was a nightmare for toilet training all round.

moomoomama27

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

So he is plenty old enough to dry and dress himself, but does not appear to be able to do so? Again, I'd think that the child had special needs and therefore needed to be with whoever was looking after him.

At the age of 7 kids are going swimming with school and they get themselves dry and dressed without adult help. Mine wouldn't have wanted to be in the female room with me once they were old enough to sort themselves out. If another child isn't telling their mum they don't want to go into the female change or loo then maybe there's an issue for that child.

If I had an issue with that, I'd find a pool with cubicles.

I agree. My son, although nervous on toilets, didn't want to be in the women's changing room past about 8 years old. The pool kindly let us go down before it opened one day and the attendant showed him round the changing rooms, so he could see the layout, and then he felt ok enough to go in. The changing rooms at our pool have an attendant so I'm not concerned about him using the facilities on his own.

iammumtoone

Changing rooms are a different issue whilst I see no problem with boys using ladies toilets as everything is behind closed doors, boys going into open ladies changing rooms is quite different.

At seven I can get away with it with my son but not for much longer. As a single mum I don't know what we will do, he could manage to get his clothes changed but don't think he could manage the lockers (I struggle getting the key to work sometimes) and if there are none free low down he would not be able to reach the higher ones. The set up in our pool is separate changing rooms and separate lockets, once you have put clothes in locker you walk straight out to the pool area! I would not be happy him waiting by the pool area for me unattended either what if he decided to go in without me, he can't swim!!!

I suspect the answer will be we stop going swimming

dandelionclock30

No you can just ask one of the male staff to help your son with the locker.Its no problem, there will be some help available.

iammumtoone

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

No you can just ask one of the male staff to help your son with the locker.Its no problem, there will be some help available.

I don't know for sure I have never been in the mens, but there are no staff available in the ladies. The only staff are the person on the desk taking payment before you go in, then the lifeguards at the poolside.

Next time we go I will ask the question at the desk what they suggest I do, be interesting what the response is. I will not be the only mum in this situation.

lostinrates

newcook wrote: »

So surely this should apply to everyone regardless of their age?! Would it be ok if I used the mens toilets because I really needed to go even though Im a 33 year old woman without any disabilities or bladder problems?!


.

What is the alternative in your opinion?

Would you see it as reasonable to see people soil themselves rather than use the 'wrong' loo?

I would let any body use a loo I was waiting for before I used it whether they were , male, female, both, disabled, or very much more able than me if they were in extremis and I was not. I have done so several times in the past and I hope I would in the future.

Very few people say they are desperate but when you look back you can see some people look truely pained and worried. When I was younger I hadn't really been in that situation. I don't know why I was thoughtful enough to do it, I don't think its that typical of me tbh.

Now, cruel luck means I am in the position myself sometimes. Interestingly, no one ever looks back and worries about anyone else, what ever queue they are in.

I think fbaby was right when she said its about people looking out for their own needs, but its not just one group, its every group. No one is prepared to be compassionate or give way in case they lose ground in an imaginary war. Exceptional circumstances do not change general rules and guidelines.

Carmina-Piranha_2

No staff here either. And kids are allowed in without a parent from age 8. When they go with school they don't use lockers.

Ours are unisex rooms with cubicles, and I've always shared a locker with him. Well what always happens is that he is ready before I am, and dumps his stuff into an empty locker and shouts the locker number in the direction of my cubicle. I actually don't know whether he can manage a locker on his own as I've never had to think about it. When my eldest was 8 we had a different pool with male and female rooms. He started using the male rooms when he was 9 but luckily his swimming lesson was at a time when the pool wasn't busy, so he could always get a locker that was low down.

Wilma33

iammumtoone wrote: »

Changing rooms are a different issue whilst I see no problem with boys using ladies toilets as everything is behind closed doors, boys going into open ladies changing rooms is quite different.

At seven I can get away with it with my son but not for much longer. As a single mum I don't know what we will do, he could manage to get his clothes changed but don't think he could manage the lockers (I struggle getting the key to work sometimes) and if there are none free low down he would not be able to reach the higher ones. The set up in our pool is separate changing rooms and separate lockets, once you have put clothes in locker you walk straight out to the pool area! I would not be happy him waiting by the pool area for me unattended either what if he decided to go in without me, he can't swim!!!

I suspect the answer will be we stop going swimming

From now on when you go swimming, ask him to put his stuff in his own locker and lock it to give him/you confidence that he can do it on his own in the men's later on?

If he really can't operate the lockers (and I'm sure he can with some practice) then he could bring his clothes through to the pool and you could pop back into the ladies and put them in a locker there. And vice versa when you finish.

And at 7 he really should be able to follow the instruction to "do not get in the water under any circumstances until I am with you".