Boys using ladies loos

Indie_Kid

newcook wrote: »

So surely this should apply to everyone regardless of their age?! Would it be ok if I used the mens toilets because I really needed to go even though Im a 33 year old woman without any disabilities or bladder problems?!

I seem to remember a female relative using the mens toilets when we were out once because the ladies toilets were locked or something.

My brother used to constantly say to my nephew when they were out ‘do you need the toilet’ because otherwise he would be that distracted by things he would forget that he needed to go until it was nearly too late!
After a while the constant nagging stayed at the front of his mind so when he needed to go he would say so which saved many ‘near-misses’ and having to dash into the nearest toilet regardless what it said on the door.

My friends have to do this with me and someone else. I always find that when I'm asked, I don't need to go. We were out last week and I was asked if I needed the toilet and I said no. We then left and I said I needed to go. (this was a good 30-40 minutes after leaving) My friend then said "I cane this way because I knew you'd need to go".

Savvy_Sue

Indie_Kid wrote: »

My friends have to do this with me and someone else. I always find that when I'm asked, I don't need to go. We were out last week and I was asked if I needed the toilet and I said no. We then left and I said I needed to go. (this was a good 30-40 minutes after leaving) My friend then said "I cane this way because I knew you'd need to go".

:rotfl: There are times when I'd need to go when I was asked, and again 30-40 minutes later ...

We once set out on a motorway journey, and I decided to stop at the first services because although I'd only just 'been', I felt I'd be more comfortable if I went again. I was SO glad I did, because 10 minutes after leaving the services, we broke down and I was stuck at the roadside for a couple of hours. I would have been desperate!

BTW those saying 'just use another swimming pool', things aren't always that simple. The council pools I've used recently either have communal changing rooms and maybe one or two family cubicles, or mostly single cubicles in an entirely mixed area, with lockers also in a mixed area. They have very few private showers so that put me off rather: I either use the communal showers and can't wash under my cossie, or I use the private shower and then have to retrieve my stuff from my locker while wrapped in a towel.

And then there's location: I can get to one of the council pools by public transport easily enough, but prefer a couple of private gyms which are easy to get to without a car. At DH's gym there are only communal changing rooms. At the one I use, there's also a disabled changing room but I have NEVER seen it used.

iammumtoone

Wilma33 wrote: »

And at 7 he really should be able to follow the instruction to "do not get in the water under any circumstances until I am with you".

You are quite right he can follow instructions. Most of the time I trust him to so so but you never know whats going on in a childs mind (at any age). Can you image the responses I would get if I started a thread on here "My son nearly drowned in the local swimming pool its not my fault I told him to wait for me"

Good suggestion about the lockers though, thank you.

FBaby

When my son started to go in the male changing room (it was him uncomfortable in the ladies) at about 6, he used to go and get changed in the male, and then come out and give me his clothes which I put in my locker and the same when he came out. Initially he didn't dare to shower, which was fine, did it at home, he started to be ok to shower (individual showers) from the age of 9.

I agree that if at 7, I would expect any child to follow such instruction not to go in. If he loves swimming, a simple 'if you don't do as I say, we will never come back' should do it, but if you are so concerned, what about putting some armbands on him when he comes out to give you his clothes?

iammumtoone

FBaby wrote: »

I agree that if at 7, I would expect any child to follow such instruction not to go in. If he loves swimming, a simple 'if you don't do as I say, we will never come back' should do it, but if you are so concerned, what about putting some armbands on him when he comes out to give you his clothes?

That is another very good suggestion thank you

I do worry, I know I do, he is very immature for his age. I will worry that he might get stuck in the cubicle! he would be in there for ages as he would never ask anyone for help! However I appreciate these are MY issues and I have to let him do these things to learn and grow.

I think my best plan is to rush and get changed so I am waiting outside the mens area well before him.

We are going on holiday soon where the pool has a mixed room with all cubicles including family ones. I will make him use an individual one maybe with me using one on the other side of the room, he can do his own clothes and locker etc so he gets to practice whilst I am around.

surfsister

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

So he is plenty old enough to dry and dress himself, but does not appear to be able to do so? Again, I'd think that the child had special needs and therefore needed to be with whoever was looking after him.

At the age of 7 kids are going swimming with school and they get themselves dry and dressed without adult help. Mine wouldn't have wanted to be in the female room with me once they were old enough to sort themselves out. If another child isn't telling their mum they don't want to go into the female change or loo then maybe there's an issue for that child.

but he's not with his mother/carer as she goes off to the shower area, then the hair-drying area and leaves him parks in the ladies changing area. When she comes back after about 20 mins she says get changed and he does!!

Actually i have left the place!

surfsister

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Vote with your feet, get a bus instead or find another way of getting there.Obviously there are no toilets on most buses, but at least your showing them. Also go to the loo before you leave for it and then you should be o.k.

yes I drive now! I did go before I left home but did some shopping etc but always go on the station but it also was closed for cleaning the time I really needed it so had to wait 45 mins until we got into the station an d guess what its was closed for cleaning too!!

dandelionclock30

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I seem to remember a female relative using the mens toilets when we were out once because the ladies toilets were locked or something.



My friends have to do this with me and someone else. I always find that when I'm asked, I don't need to go. We were out last week and I was asked if I needed the toilet and I said no. We then left and I said I needed to go. (this was a good 30-40 minutes after leaving) My friend then said "I cane this way because I knew you'd need to go".

Really? I'd be quite surprised if my friends were asking me if I needed to go to the toilet as an adult. I would think it was strange that they were treating me as a child. Surely any adult unless they have learning difficulties doesnt need to be reminded about going to the toilet.

iammumtoone

surfsister wrote: »

At the age of 7 kids are going swimming with school and they get themselves dry and dressed without adult help.

That really isn't the same thing of course a seven year old can dress themselves that is not the issue, the child is left on their own whilst in the changing rooms and if they have any issues or difficulties they have no one to ask for help. Swimming with school yes they will have to sort themselves out but an adult will be with them whilst they do so.

I also notice you say mine meaning you must have more than one son. I do think in this situation it is easier when there are two or more who can go together, there is one who can help the other if needed and they feel more confident with someone else.

Yes I am nervous about my son going on his own, I would have no concerns if he had a sibling to go with.

I

Carmina-Piranha_2

It was me that said 'mine' - surfsister quoted my post but left out the end quotes. There's a 9 year gap between my boys and the eldest stopped enjoying swimming while youngest was still a toddler, so they couldn't go in together.

Eldest is tiny, and while he may have been 9 before using the male changing room nobody would have thought he was that old when he was sat in the female one with me. There were some large rooms with benches, for about a dozen people, and the signs said for boys with mums to use those rooms rather than the large female communal area. Other people had 7 or 8 year old boys in that area, and I took a book so he wasn't looking at anyone.